#097: Creative Confidence: How to Find What Helps You Thrive

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This is your connections and community guy, Dwight Spencer, with…

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Dwight: Community and Becoming, for the love of creatives.

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Dwight: Have you ever had a moment when you spoke up?

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Dwight: You shared your work or offered an idea, and it felt surprisingly natural.

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Dwight: Then later, you wondered why you couldn't be that person all the time?

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Dwight: Today, I want to help you look at that moment differently. Not as a version of yourself you've lost, but as something worth understanding.

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Dwight: We're gonna find one moment when you contributed well. You discovered what helped.

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Dwight: And… Choose one thing you can try again.

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Dwight: And… There's something I want you to notice as we do this.

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Dwight: Was confidence what helped you participate?

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Dwight: Or did something about participating help you feel more confident?

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Dwight: laughs

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Dwight: Jeffrey A. I can think of a few times that I went through something like this. I remember a time when I was going through an exercise

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Dwight: At Creative Mornings, during their warm-up.

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Dwight: And the chosen activity was to do a mirror dance exercise. And I was so self-conscious because I had so many experiences where people would tell me, oh, you dance horribly, you got two left feet. So I had that working for me. And then I was the one to go first.

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Dwight: And so there I was with the then host of Creative Mornings standing there stupefied at me because she's like, what's the deal? Aren't you moving? And then I was like, okay, let go and just have fun with it. Just…

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Dwight: get silly. And I did. I got into it, I started doing big movements, and jumping around, and having a good time, and…

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Dwight: But by the time it was her turn to switch, we were really into it. We were both laughing like crazy, and we definitely felt the point of the exercise. We were warmed up, we were giddy, we were happy, we were ready for what came next. It was beautiful.

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Dwight: And the thing is, I can look on that experience and think, there were so many other times when I was just

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Dwight: just not able to rise to the occasion. I was… I would just be like, meh, whatever. You know, I'll… I'll be the one that's sitting out, or, yeah, I'm not gonna put myself out there.

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Dwight: But that time, I… I just went for it, and I was happier for it.

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Dwight: Now…

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Dwight: I want to listen to you. Of course, I can't hear you. You've got me coming in through your earbuds, or you're just watching me on the video screen on YouTube.

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Dwight: But…

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Dwight: We're going to use our imaginations, and I want to put you in the space where it's just you.

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Dwight: In me.

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Dwight: And I want to hear your version of this.

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Dwight: I know it's a tough exercise.

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Dwight: But, I'm here for it.

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Dwight: You don't need to have a standing ovation for this exercise. We don't need to dangle a carrot. You just.

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Dwight: You just need to have… A moment when you felt useful. When you felt heard.

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Dwight: When… You just had a chance to step up to the mic, or to…

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Dwight: Submit your… a work that you are incredibly proud of.

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Dwight: And it just felt right.

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Dwight: You were a little bit more of the you that you wanted to be and it was.

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Dwight: Great. You stepped into your moment.

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Dwight: You got something that's coming to mind?

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Dwight: Can you see it?

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Dwight: Can you feel it?

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Dwight: Can you remember it?

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Dwight: What was it like?

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Dwight: I want you to just have a vivid image of that memory.

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Dwight: And all that went with it.

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Dwight: Now, as we're going through this, I want to give credit where credit's due. A lot of this is…

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Dwight: It's coming from the learning that I'm doing on appreciative inquiry. We talked about that in an earlier episode.

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Dwight: And I've been doing a lot of work through the exchange organization.

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Dwight: Which, for anyone that wants to look it up, they spell it with…

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Dwight: Only the E at the end, so it starts with an X.

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Dwight: I'm exploring how… I'm exploring

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Dwight: How to begin with stories of what's working, and to use those stories to imagine and build

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Dwight: What could come next?

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Dwight: For today, we're going to start with that one experience that you just had.

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Dwight: Yeah, it's gonna be unique to you.

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Dwight: Everyone that hears this is gonna… it's gonna be their own show. They'll hear something different.

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Dwight: I want you to think about what you did when you experienced contributing well, and I want to look closely at it. Pull it apart. Think about the things that really worked.

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Dwight: This is an invitation.

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Dwight: To really dive in and look at all the pieces.

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Dwight: I want to be clear about what it's not.

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Dwight: We're not going to be Pollyanna about this. We're not pretending the bad stuff isn't there.

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Dwight: This is a way of dealing with the hard stuff, and we do it by…

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Dwight: Doubling down on the strengths, and pulling apart, and seeing

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Dwight: How it is that those work.

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Dwight: Don't get me wrong, there's… there is a place for dealing with the things that are difficult, with those weaknesses, but we're not going to waste the energy focusing on them. We're going to be so

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Dwight: Laser-focused on how it is that we're going to draw the best from the things that were our strengths to get us to our goals of excellence.

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Dwight: That all of those things that are problems, that are the things that people would want us to worry about, are going to be taken care of.

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Dwight: Because we are going to be.

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Dwight: That dialed in on the things that make us great.

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Dwight: We're looking for useful information.

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Dwight: We're not looking for a reason to blame you. This isn't a moment where.

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Dwight: We can hear someone saying, they're all gonna laugh at you.

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Dwight: No, this is… An important exercise and maybe one that you'll come back to.

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Dwight: time and again.

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Dwight: Alright, so what we're looking at is… it's a version of, when have you already done this? When have you already achieved some great goal?

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Dwight: If you're somewhere where you can reflect.

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Dwight: Stay with me for a moment.

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Dwight: My goodness, actually, break out pen and paper, if you want, and make this a journaling exercise. If you're driving, or doing something else that needs your attention.

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Dwight: Come back to these questions later.

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Dwight: I don't need you to run into a ditch. I don't want you to run into a tree. I don't want you to get hurt.

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Dwight: I just need you to, if you're in that space where you need hands on the wheel and eyes on the road.

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Dwight: Do that!

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Dwight: Just Just let this sink in, and know that you can come back to it later. It's fine.

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Dwight: Now, I want you to engage in a few simple thought exercises.

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Dwight: And I'm gonna leave a little bit of space

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Dwight: In between on the recording, so that if you are actively engaging with it, and you're listening, you can pause, or you can even skip back a little bit and replay.

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Dwight: So we'll just run through these.

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Dwight: Think of a specific time when you contributed something and felt engaged.

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Dwight: Useful. Or heard.

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Dwight: What was happening?

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Dwight: What did you actually do?

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Dwight: What helped you do it?

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Dwight: What did someone else do that made a difference?

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Dwight: What mattered to you enough that you participated?

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Dwight: Alright, so… That's the series of questions, and I just want to give you a little lifeline.

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Dwight: If you're sitting with those and wrestling with them and you can't think of something big.

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Dwight: Go smaller. It's okay.

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Dwight: We're not striving for the perfect example of something that you want to relive.

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Dwight: If it's something as simple as just having a conversation with a trusted friend, that's great. We can go with that.

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Dwight: I just want you to…

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Dwight: Walk through this, and be able to pull out the things that are going to help you to

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Dwight: Draw on that experience of something that worked well.

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Dwight: To be able to achieve.

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Dwight: anything else. It could be something that's a little bit harder, or maybe if in some frames of mind, you may think it's just out of reach, or just not something you can do.

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Dwight: All right.

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Dwight: Now, let's separate 3 things.

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Dwight: I want you to… Again, go back to that scenario.

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Dwight: In that scenario, What did you bring?

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Dwight: What did others contribute?

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Dwight: And what did the situation make possible?

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Dwight: And I'll throw out a hypothetical. Let's…

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Dwight: Imagine you shared an unfinished idea with two colleagues.

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Dwight: You understood the problem, and someone asked you for a genuine question. They were curious.

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Dwight: Nobody expected a polished presentation, but you brought your knowledge and willingness to share.

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Dwight: They brought their curiosity.

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Dwight: Zac Smith, That situation allowed the exploration of an early idea.

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Dwight: Now, what if those conditions could influence future situations.

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Dwight: You know, what about the next time?

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Dwight: What would be required of others to… to participate?

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Dwight: And…

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Dwight: I really want to get into the nuts and bolts of a situation where you think about a scenario, and you have something that's actually meaningful to you, because as much as possible, I'm trying to walk the balance of making this practical and real for you.

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Dwight: And getting out of the realm of.

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Dwight: Making it something that is just…

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Dwight: A nice idea, or saying it's all about mindset.

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Dwight: And I want to get you away from thinking that you are powerless.

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Dwight: You have more influence than you may even imagine.

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Dwight: I want you to think about what it was that you remembered.

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Dwight: Confidence may have helped you act.

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Dwight: Or… You may have acted while you were still unsure.

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Dwight: Either way… You now have something more specific to work with than.

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Dwight: I need to be more confident.

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Dwight: In that remembered scenario.

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Dwight: I'm sure that there are lots of angles that you can use to

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Dwight: play What If, and think about how things happen, and whenever we go through the process of remembering things.

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Dwight: It's been proven that we… we relive them. We… we never…

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Dwight: step through the same river twice.

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Dwight: To… to quote an old ancient philosopher.

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Dwight: And I want you to…

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Dwight: Draw from that bank of memories in such a way that you can pull the best of you forward.

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Dwight: Pull the aspects of what you remember.

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Dwight: Into something that you can carry with you and use.

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Dwight: At some future juncture.

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Dwight: Because I believe that we all weave a rich tapestry in this thing called life.

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Dwight: And we're foolish to throw away those threads Of things that were…

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Dwight: Maybe inconsequential the first time we encountered them.

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Dwight: But I'm a true believer in how they inform.

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Dwight: Who it is that we're becoming, and who we need to grow into.

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Dwight: If you think about that moment that you had when you had that success.

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Dwight: I want you to think about.

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Dwight: What kind of contribution became a little more possible in your life?

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Dwight: And if you could repeat it.

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Dwight: What would that look like into the future?

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Dwight: If you could keep having versions of those little successes that you pull forward, that you draw from.

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Dwight: What could be different next week?

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Dwight: And if you compound that, Where could your life go?

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Dwight: In the years to come.

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Dwight: Now, I also want you to think about

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Dwight: What's one condition that you would want to recreate?

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Dwight: What's one thing that you could request? Or, what's one thing that you could roll up your sleeves and help establish?

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Dwight: Let's think about a few things that might be possibilities.

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Dwight: Could you… Share an early draft with one trusted.

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Dwight: person, and… Ask for specific feedback.

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Dwight: Maybe… You could ask for the purpose or discussion question before your next meeting.

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Dwight: kind of… Give yourself the gift of a little clarity.

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Dwight: Maybe you could protect a short block of time for exploration without requiring there to be a finished product.

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Dwight: That way, you can have a little time to… go to…

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Dwight: Different places, and not just be focused on

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Dwight: Doing the next thing and being so task oriented, have a little play.

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Dwight: And maybe you could… Just reach out and ask for someone's perspective.

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Dwight: When you normally wouldn't.

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Dwight: Because… Sometimes it's more fun to… Invite companions on.

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Dwight: Different adventures and… and the quests, or the demands of the day.

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Dwight: I want to leave you with a little exercise.

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Dwight: Kind of like the questions we asked before.

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Dwight: But this is just a little bit of a prompt that you can.

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Dwight: Use to motivate yourself to build a checklist of sorts, or a to-do list.

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Dwight: So here we go, we're gonna do it…

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Dwight: Mad Lib style, but I'm not gonna give a part of speech, I'm just gonna

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Dwight: Put in a little silence.

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Dwight: So here we go.

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Dwight: In the next 7 days, I will try.

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Dwight: with support from… And I will notice…

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Dwight: Now, I want you to… Notice that, you weren't just feeling… confidence.

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Dwight: In the scenario that you imagined before.

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Dwight: I want you to sit and notice where you actually.

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Dwight: Inhabited the experience, where you participated.

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Dwight: And I want you to… What helped?

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Dwight: And I know that things don't always go perfectly, but here's the thing, you've lived through it.

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Dwight: What is it that you'd want to adjust?

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Dwight: You're in complete control.

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Dwight: Now I want to take things to a level that we keep them very practical.

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Dwight: If you lead a team, There's another question here. When someone contributes well, do we simply praise them?

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Dwight: Or do we get curious about what helped that contribution happen?

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Dwight: Now we're going to take this to the place of being in a workshop.

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Dwight: Think of a time this team did work you were proud of.

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Dwight: What did we each contribute?

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Dwight: What helped us work together?

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Dwight: What would we need to make more of that possible?

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Dwight: And… Now I'm just going to ask you.

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Dwight: You don't have to be someone that manages a team for this to matter.

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Dwight: You can ask these questions with a collaborator.

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Dwight: With the creative partner.

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Dwight: or… Just someone who keeps you going.

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Dwight: This is the kind of inquiry I want to help people practice — individually and together. Understanding what supports meaningful contribution, then making a deliberate choice about what comes next.

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Dwight: In the beginning, we started with a moment.

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Dwight: You looked at what you brought and what helped.

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Dwight: Then you chose one condition to try again.

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Dwight: You don't have to solve your entire relationship with confidence this week.

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Dwight: You have a real experience to learn from.

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Dwight: And a next step to test.

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Dwight: At For the Love of Creatives.

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Dwight: We serve heart-centered creatives who want to move from surviving in isolation to thriving in community.

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Dwight: Part of that is learning what helps us contribute.

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Dwight: And how we can help create those conditions for one another.

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Dwight: If you'd like my help exploring this in your own work or with your team.

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Dwight: Contact me.

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Dwight: We can provide a link in the show notes.

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Dwight: And I'll have to make a mental note to make sure that happens.

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Dwight: And we can talk about what you want to make possible, and whether working together is a fit.

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Dwight: In any case, you can leave a note wherever you're listening.

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Dwight: We read the comments.

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Dwight: Or reach out to us on the speak pipe.

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Dwight: But however you want to reach out, we're always listening.