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If we really don't face it, if we really don't do the inner work that you are talking about, maddox, to even be able to speak from a place of authenticity, to speak from a place of experience, to speak from a place of resilience and to say that, hey, I am still afraid, but I'm doing it anyway.
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I am still dealing with wounds of my past, but I am resilient because I'm still able to say I'm strong and I'm still overcoming at the same time and that works hand in hand.
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But that's a daily practice for me.
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I'm doing mirror work, I'm journaling, I'm using my creative outlets and I'm also sharing that for free, on how.
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This is what the result of that looks like.
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Hello and welcome to another edition of For the Love of Creatives podcast.
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I am your host, dwight.
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I'm joined by our host, maddox.
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We're the Connections and Community Guys and today our featured guest is the wonderful Kiki Brooks.
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Welcome, kiki.
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Hi, I am grateful to be here.
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We're so glad you could join us.
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Yes, lovely to have you, Kiki.
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It's a pleasure.
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I was really happy to have run into you at an event at a local club, the Tower Club.
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It was a wonderful evening.
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Everyone was dressed in their finest 1920s apparel.
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Everyone was dressed in their finest 1920s apparel, and I was really struck by how we had a conversation about a lot of the things that you're doing.
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I've had a chance to see some of the singing that you've posted online.
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That is fabulous, and I know that I could never do you justice.
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As far as an introduction, what would you like to share about who you are and what you're about for our listeners?
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Yeah.
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So again, it's a pleasure to be here.
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Dwight Maddox and I'm like this was a really great night, the night that we met Dwight because one of the things that I was sharing is that, as a creative, I've been a creative ever since I was a little girl, so singing, dancing, acting has been a healing wellspring for me as it relates to having social anxiety and so having social anxiety being a creative, a musical theater major, and also in psychology I'm also in school for clinical psychology has been working together as far as in helping me to heal and overcome in a creative way, and it has helped me to also help heal others in their right by sharing my story.
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Thank you for sharing that and lots of different points you hit on there and I've just got to applaud you for being so open and vulnerable, because I, I know a lot, of, a lot of people have, uh, just because of the the nature of everything always having to be rosy, um, they kind of hide those, those things that are difficult struggles that maybe more of us have than we know, those those things that are difficult struggles that maybe more of us have than we know, because we just don't talk about them.
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We talk about them here.
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That's right.
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Yeah, so for for me, I know that sharing my story is a way that I'm overcoming, but it's also a way where I'm able to connect with others, and they're enjoying seeing their eyes brighten when I say that I'm overcoming social anxiety and hearing them say, oh my gosh, me too.
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It's allowing me to see that we're not alone in our various journeys and that we're all resilient in one way.
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We're all, in some kind of way, as creatives, turning our pain into our passion.
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Beautifully said, kiki.
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I love that.
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Turning our pain into passion.
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Yeah, that's what went true in my life.
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Yeah, yeah that's what went true in my life.
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Yeah, so you said that you have been engaged in performing ever since you were a little girl.
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I'm really curious, like what are your earliest memories of of performing?
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yeah, yeah.
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So my mom would always get me to sing in front of others.
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I'm also a church girl and I was not fond of hearing that, you know, growing up, because I always felt like I was different from what I was seeing, and there were certain things that I didn't agree with and there were times that I didn't feel like they were loving people well, and so it was one of those things where I had to overcome, like feeling different but also trying to fit the standard, knowing that the standard was never how I wanted to be.
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But it also allowed me to say, okay, well, if I, you know, want to love others well, even when I want to be unapologetically myself, how can I exude that and have a blend of spirituality, the things that I was called and created to do and be, and also look and be authentically myself, and so, you know, I have all of that combined, and that was something that I learned how to heal through by performing, and so it once became something that I was like I don't want to do it.
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I don't want to do it to being able to really sing and perform in ways where it touched the hearts of people.
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That is that is beautiful.
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Is that is beautiful?
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I, I know that as gay men, maddox and I can uh really identify with what it is to uh be forced into, uh fitting into a box to make others comfortable and uh, yeah, that is I'm sure a lot of our listeners can identify with similar pain and, you know, just trying to fit someone else's vision for them.
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So you really turned that what was a struggle into a strength, because I mean I'm just blown away.
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Because I mean I'm just blown away.
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It doesn't take long looking through what you have posted online.
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You have, you are quite the performer.
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I mean your stuff is is uplifting and just great high energy, wonderful.
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I mean you sing like an angel.
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You sing like an angel, Kiki.
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I'm sensing that you are a person who has done a fair amount of inner work.
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Just by your words Am I?
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accurate, absolutely, absolutely that don't want to be placed in a box, have gone through so much trauma from, you know, being told that you should and shouldn't do this and be this, or seeing the light that you carry and becoming envious of it.
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Or seeing that you know there is something different and special about you.
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But others, because they don't want to be unapologetically themselves, you know, have allowed people to dictate who they should be.
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Overcoming trauma and abusive relationships and having to advocate for others.
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Is that okay?
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In order for me to advocate for others, then I have to first advocate for myself.
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And what does that look like?
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That looks like doing shadow working, meaning really dealing with those wounds from childhood up until how we carry that into adulthood.
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If we really don't face it, if we really don't do the inner work that you are talking about, maddox, to even be able to speak from a place of authenticity, to speak from a place of experience, speak from a place of experience, to speak from a place of resilience and to say that, hey, I am still afraid, but I'm doing it anyway.
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I am still dealing with wounds of my past, but I am resilient because I'm still able to say I'm strong and I'm still overcoming at the same time, and that works hand in hand.
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But that's a daily practice for me.
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I'm doing mirror work, I'm journaling, I'm using my creative outlets and I'm also sharing that for free on how.
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This is what the result of that looks like.
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So, Kiki, that challenge you're talking about, that struggle to just be who you really are in a world where people are trying to tell you who you should be, in your opinion, do you think that is more common or amplified as a creative than it would be for a person who's not pursuing creativity?
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Do you think there's an added layer to that, Because oftentimes maybe people think that there's.
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You know, what I hear the most is creatives just always say that people have told them all their lives get a real job.
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Like creative endeavors are not considered a real job.
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Do you have you experienced that and, if so, do you think that in and of itself makes it a little harder for us as creatives than your average human being?
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Yes and no, Because one one thing that I've I've learned is I used to think that creatives struggled with it the most, and that's how we express, we do the art of expression by putting our traumas, the things that we have gone through the box that people try to put us in, into our creativity, and that's really all of our healing wellsprings.
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But then I started branching out of my creative community and I started just listening to people in general and I started realizing that, oh okay, the most judgmental people are the ones that are struggling the most and they're really struggling the most with their identity.
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So what do they do?
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They judge others, they criticize others, they spew out hate because they're dealing with their identity in an unhealthy manner as far as in not using what their gifts and talents are, just like all of us, to allow that to be a healing wellspring to help heal others.
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So I've heard it on both ends.
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But one thing that I've learned is that if we're not as a creative, or even if you're in another field, if you are not investing that time in yourself, back to that inner work and what you are called to do, whether it is a creative outlet or another outlet, then you will see that in their actions and the things that they say.
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I like the way you see that, I like your perspective.
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I like the way you see that I like your perspective Very nice and there's somewhere in there you kind of described that the bullied becomes the bully.
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Yes, yes, absolutely.
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Because they did not have, or do not have, an outlet of a community or people where they felt safe.
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And because they did not feel safe, then they adopted what was pretty much exhibited to them, and so they saw that.
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Okay, if I become the bully, that's when I feel respected.
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Or if I put people in a fear-like state, I feel respected.
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Or if I put people in a fear-like state, that's when I'm seen, you know, and that's an unhealthy way of moving in the world, but they found out like if I become the bully, then that's how I equate respect.
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But in reality, I do not want to.
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As a human, apart from being a creative, I do not want to put fear in people's hearts to gain their respect.
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I desire respect because I respect myself, and the way that I respect myself is the way that I desire to be respected from others and the way that I will respect the way that you look at respect.
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But one thing that I've just learned is that the bully becomes the bully because they feel unheard, they was misunderstood, and so I have a level of compassion for them, even when it pains me, because I know that that's coming from a broken place.
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When we feel powerless, we will do anything we can to just grasp onto the tiniest shred of power, and being a bully gives them a sense of power, even if it is a false sense of power.
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Wow.
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That's good, wow, mm hmm.
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Yeah, yeah.
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That's an incredible life lesson and I know that many will probably could live their whole lives and and never make that realization.
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Well, and that respect that they are trying to get by bullying is not real respect.
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It's a false sense of respect, because if you are respecting them because you have to, because there's consequences, that's not real respect.
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No, that's fear.
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That's fear and that.
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Admire that, because you cannot find that in anyone else.
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Versus, as you mentioned, maddox, I am just trying to dominate and gain power over people, because this is truly coming from a broken place of trauma, a broken place of being misunderstood, unheard, you know, being oppressed in a sense as well, but because those healthy ways of being acknowledged or being seen, or being heard did not happen for me.
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So now I must infiltrate that same pain into others, and that breaks my heart because I'm just like but if they were able to just see themselves, apart from the validation that they were yearning from people that were struggling themselves, then they would be able to see the beauty in others, even if you don't agree with how they talk, how they walk their lifestyle, and so I think that that's a valuable lesson to be learned from all perspectives.
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I have come to believe for many years now, and experienced it firsthand in my own life, that true power can only be found by empowering others.
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There's a false sense of power we see all over our world where it's about take control, and that's not real power.
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It's always false sense of power and it always comes to an end sooner or later.
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But true power is forever and it's our ability to empower another human being.
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That is so good, maddox.
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I knew that.
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That was the reason why I met Dwight.
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That's the reason why I'm meeting you, maddox, it's the reason why I'm able to speak and talk and listen to the heart of people that look like me, don't look like me, because I know that we are all the same but all different at the same time, are all the same but all different at the same time, and we all bring something to the table where we can help encourage others, uplift each other, even from a perspective of nonverbal communication.
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Say I see you because I know that I had to do some work to be seen, but I had to make sure that I saw myself before I was able to see you, maddox, or before I was able to see you, dwight, because it also comes from a place of me turning my pain into my power and then allowing my power to empower others.
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And it came from a story.
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It came from a story where I can relate and say, oh my gosh, you know what?
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I didn't fit the standard.
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I was a preacher's kid, had a child out of wedlock, had sex before marriage, went into an abusive relationship, was bullied before because of my gift, advocated for others that were bullied, got beat up because of, you know, trying to defend others, got, you know, pretty privileged, thrown into like the fire because of just being pretty, you know, or just being an African American, so, or being a single mom.
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And so I'm like, oh my gosh, I can relate, because I'm different.
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I'm weird, I'm unique.
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I am not fitting into a mold of what people are trying to put me in.
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Hey, I hear you, but at the same time I'm like is that the way that I feel about myself?
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Are you putting value into me on a daily, where what your words say holds any kind of merit of how I feel about myself, or the people that truly love me have said about me?
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And so that's what allows me to continue to keep doing it, afraid and showing up for myself every single day to say you know what I'm still doing it and you can do it too.
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You are speaking our language, kiki, so much of what you're saying is sounds so much like conversations that we have in our household on a day in, day out basis.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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It sounds like the kind of thing that we would hope would come out of people attending one of our events, one of our experience events.
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Yeah, I have to definitely attend because I love even having friends that people wouldn't typically match me with and be like oh no, that's my buddy Dwight.
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Yeah, that's my buddy Maddox, that person right there.
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We support each other in this way and I love to see how people look because I'm like, oh right, I didn't fit your, your box, your standard of what you thought or what your perception of me was or the way that you love, because I know that the way that I do is love is patient, love is kind.
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Love is not boastful.
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Love does not keep a record of wrongs, love does not judge others or is envious of the light that others carry.
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Love just shows up authentically and open and say Love just shows up authentically and open and say listen at the end of the day.
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I just love you because you're a human being.
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That's it.
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That's it Absolutely.
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Couldn't have said it better myself.
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And how can and what can we do together to make this world be a counter-cultural world?
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That's the conversation we have almost daily and work so hard to bring that into everything we do.
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How do we set it up where people naturally just gravitate in a loving way towards each other, with kindness and respect?
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Kiki, let's dive a little bit more into your creative journey.
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We want to hear more about what it's all about and what makes your heart sing, and how do you do it and how do you get through the hard times.
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Anything you'd like to share?
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Yeah.
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So I kind of touched on just the journey of my past even into the present, and as a child I was a preacher's kid that just never felt like I fit in because I didn't agree with the rules and the dictatorship.
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I also advocated for others because I have a differently able brother, and so that was another means to advocate, because here I was, people trying to put me in a box of popularity and I'm like well, if you are going to deem me as popular, then popular is going to look like embracing others that don't look like a jock or a cheerleader or the you know the best of the best of what you view.
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The popularity is going to look like oh, you are going to see me talking to a differently abled person, like I would talk to someone else, and I don't even like to use normal because I'm like what's normal, what's normal?
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But I'm like you are going to see me engage in and talk to others that don't look like me or may look the same.
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Because, again, like I stated before, we're more alike than different and I love to hear the intellect of others and that's what inspires me, because I'm just like oh, wow, that causes me to think differently.
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That takes me out of the box of just having a rigid way of thinking, but it expands my mind of creativity where I'm like OK, I can sing to this audience because this audience is able to relate to.
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Oh, ok, they've experienced social anxiety in a different way, social anxiety in a different way.
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I also have ADHD and I'm able to, you know, learn people even when I forget their names or even when my ADHD kicks in and I'm, you know, forgetting certain things, but I touch on certain things that stands out about someone and I'm like this is how I will remember them, even when I don't remember their name.
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And one thing I remembered about Dwight is that he had this calm confidence and he was very articulate and he was very present and I was like you know what, dwight?
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I would love to be on your podcast because you are authentic.
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You're not trying to sell me something, but I really feel the authenticity in your heart.
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You know, I really feel the authenticity of your resilience as a gay man, as a gay African-American it seems like you're mixed, I don't know, but I'm like I'm just feeling so many things from our encounter right now and it's authentic and I like to show up in ways that I'm like.
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They are genuine, they are kind, they are intellects, they are creatives and they are attracting that and I want to be a part of that, and so that's all working together.
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My mental health, my you know, my creativity in the arts because I'm a musical theater major as well and then also being able to relate and check off so many boxes is why I'm here.
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That's, that's really incredible, and I can't tell you that it's.
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It's such a gift, so affirming for you to share what you've said about us, for you to share what you've said about us Along those lines, I'm really curious as to what the biggest thing that you've embarked on in your journey to creativity.
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I love the fact that, through my creativity, people can truly feel my heart, and it's not something that is just performance, although I'm doing from within and it came from showing up and not saying that I'm this perfect human being, but that I have so many challenges that I'm overcoming.
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And this is how I still continue to persevere in spite of and that is throughout my singing, my acting, and there's a reason that you're feeling something that goes beyond oh okay, she's just a great performer.
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No, I'm feeling something else that I can't put my finger on, and that is because I'm like, I'm able to feel your pain too.
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I'm able to say that I see you because I see me.
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I'm able to say I hear you, because I had to make sure that, although your praise is a bonus, I'm like no, kiki, how do you feel today?
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How do you feel about yourself?
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What affirmations are you speaking to yourself daily, so that when people hear your voice, they know that there's something in her that I see in me, and that's how I want to continue to empower others through my creativity.
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I love that.
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Is there anything that is on the horizon, anything that would be a milestone achievement that you're working toward?
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Yeah, so I'm working on a number of projects, but you have to follow me to really stay tuned, because I love keeping the adrenaline rush in the mystery of me.
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So I am honing in on everything that I've mentioned and so that is my singing.
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That is the field of psychology, that is the field of advocacy, that is in the field of spirituality, that is in the field of continuing to create an environment where I am overcoming and that's the social anxiety, that's the ADHD, that is the therapy that I'm doing so that I can heal, continue to heal and help heal others.
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So you have to follow me and stay tuned, because I may pop in one day and pop out, but stay tuned, because I may pop in one day and pop out, but stay tuned.
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So you've mentioned the psychology study Is that for your own value and benefit, or is there a plan to become a therapist?
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It's for my own value and benefit first and foremost, so that is the reason that I first joined.
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That is the reason that I first joined.
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I actually wanted to be in the field of psychology and mental health ever since I was a little girl, and so I also wanted to be an artist, and I'm like which one do I pursue first?
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And so I pursued artistry first and then had to take a break in life and deal with life things.
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And now I'm back.
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But what brought me back was wanting to overcome my ADHD, wanting to overcome social anxiety, and wanted to attract like-minded and like-minded L-I-G-H-T.
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Like-minded beings, and so I went back to school for that.
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But then I'm all for people, and so it also was the caveat in wanting to also be help others as well.
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And so I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with having this degree in clinical psychology, but I know that I want to find holistic ways and also, if needed, you know, medicinal ways to help others in their way of traumas and resiliency.
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Well, there is definitely an intersection of art and therapy.
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It is.
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It is there are options Absolutely, or you could have it all.
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You sure can, you sure can, and that was the choice of not allowing anyone to put me in a box.
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I love that and as you were talking about light minded individuals, I could not help but think about how it's.
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I think it's another way of saying how we like to work with heart centered individuals.
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Absolutely, absolutely, because we know that it's coming from our own resiliency.
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It's coming from the things that we are still overcoming and advocating for ourselves and others for and intuitively feel from others, when they are aligning on the same path that we are in, even if we're called to do various things.
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But one thing that I love when we're all in alignment is that it just flows.
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You know it flows and it's those divine timings where we know that, oh, okay, even though we're on a mission like this, wasn't by coincidence or happenstance that we saw this thing, we met this person or we're doing this thing because we are all in alignment of okay, we were chosen to turn this pain into our passion.
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So I know it wasn't by happenstance that we're here today, dwight and Maddox.
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I'm just grateful with a heart of gratitude.
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I agree, I think things unfold in a very magical and mystical way that oftentimes we can't quite see or don't understand.
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Oftentimes we can't quite see or don't understand.
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So I'd love to know, kiki, how has, in all of your creative journey singing, the dancing, the performing theater, all of the things that you have done and experienced how has or how does community play a role in that or does it?
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You know, we talk to artists that are very solo and they don't, they're not part of a creatives or art community or a singing or musical community.
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Speak to that for us.
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Tell us a little bit about that intersection in your personal journey.
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Sure, yeah.
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So social anxiety, adhd, introvert, so I love spending a lot of time alone.
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It is when I'm the most creative, it is when I'm the most productive, it is when I'm able to reflect in times of introspection, to learn a lot about myself and others.
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But I think that there's so much power in the collaboration with community because it helps us to be better than what we can do by ourselves.
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It helps us to gain insight on how we can show up better for ourselves so that we may be able to be more impactful and more influential to other people.
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And that's by hearing others' perspectives, that's by hearing the hearts of other people in ways that we can show up for others.
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And I think that we can only multiply in numbers to push a movement forward, to push our creativity forward.
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And man, when we all come together and we have one mind but also have different things that we can contribute and bring to this, one can contribute and bring to this one big mission.
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I think that that's what allows our light to shine even brighter than it could if we were trying to shine alone.
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And so I think that community plays a pivotal role in our success because it allows us to expand beyond our horizon and it allows us to know how we can be most effective for our communities outside of our communities and really be countercultural, as we mentioned before, to a dying world, a hurting world.
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But in that dying and hurting world there's still that beauty that comes from ashes that we can allow people to see, from the connections that we form in community.
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Very well said.
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You know we're very, very pro-community because we believe that we're just better together.
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You know I'm never an advocate of saying that you need to do every ounce of your creativity with others in community, because there are some people and certainly some forms of creativity that are best done in solitude.
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But I don't think that means that we have to do our whole creative journey and life in solitude.
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But I don't think that means that we have to do our whole creative journey and life in solitude.
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I think you can go off and write that essay in quiet solitude, but maybe in the conversations that you have in community you gain all kinds of ideas and great feedback about what it is you are writing.
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I've come to believe that when we are siloed with no community, we are surviving, and when we are steeped in and involved in community we are thriving.
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There may be occasional exceptions, but for the most part occasional exceptions, but for the most part not so much.
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I think it's either survive or thrive.
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it's either, you know, solid oh not solitude, but isolation or community yeah, and I love that you pointed out isolation and solitude, right, and knowing that the dichotomy of that is that solitude is that the healthy aspect of being alone.
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It is the time that you can reflect in introspection and glean from ideas, from people that has made an impact in your life, but it also adds value to the gifts that was already indebted in you, and that's where that solitude comes from.
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That's where those ideas and those juices will start to flow.
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But then, once you come out of solitude, that is when you can join together with other like and like-minded individuals to be able to grow, to be able to be a better you.
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But then there's that isolation that you mentioned, maddox, where you're in survival mode in an unhealthy way, where you think that I don't trust anybody, I don't need anybody, and we know that that comes from a broken place.
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We know that that comes from an egotistical place.
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That comes from a place where, okay, there are people that may have proven to be untrustworthy, them to be untrustworthy, but then there are ways that you may have not shown up for yourself.
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You know, and how can you understand your growth areas or ways that you have grown if you don't put yourself back out there.
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So, like you say to Maddox, there's so much power in community and solitude, you know, versus isolation and trying to survive.
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Yes, I think in the appropriate amounts.
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Solitude is very, very healthy, and for introverts and even ambiverts, it is the primary way we charge our battery.
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I'm an ambivert, but I think there's no such thing as healthy isolation.
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Isolation is an unhealthy thing, and we are experiencing a global epidemic right now of isolation that we have basically brought on ourselves, and people are so distracted they're made, they're largely oblivious to it yeah, yeah.
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And one of the things that I had to challenge myself with is because I honestly came out of a state of isolation.
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At first it it turned into solitude and but if you're not careful, if you're not mindful, it can turn into unhealthy isolation.
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And it came from, you know, going through so many transitions where it was unbearable.
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And just seeing where you know unbearable and just seeing where you know, the more you heal, the more you come out of the state of people pleasing.
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You know that can also change the dynamic of relationships that you thought you needed.
