#081: Letting Your Weird Be the Way: Rethinking Imposter Syndrome

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Dwight: Welcome to another edition of For the Love of Creatives. Today, your Connections and Community Guy host, Dwight, will be the solo Connections and Community Guy.

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Dwight: And that's quite alright. I'm gonna be stepping more into my role as a speaker and a coach, and talk a little bit more on a topic that we

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Dwight: touched in episode number 76, again, another solo episode, where I went through all of the things that are what were the origins for what we call imposter syndrome, or what we see everywhere as imposter syndrome today.

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Dwight: So, just a quick little recap on that. There were 6 major… major themes that were a part of the imposter phenomenon.

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Dwight: That's original research by Pauline Rose Clantz. Clance and Imes

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Dwight: actually put together the body of work that forms the basis for everything that we see as imposter syndrome. This is very important to creatives, even though the original context of what they looked at had more to do with

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Dwight: Women who felt like they weren't as, they weren't really living up to what it was that everyone else saw in them.

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Dwight: So… Let me just roll back a little bit and, talk a little bit about

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Dwight: That whole thing, so… High achievers of any kind.

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Dwight: probably are feeling that notion that, well, maybe I'm… I'm a fraud. Maybe I'm really not as put together as everybody thinks I am, or I… I don't really…

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Dwight: have… All of the chops, even though everyone keeps coming to me.

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Dwight: This is perfectly normal. If you didn't have some kind of a question or a doubt about what it was that you were doing, then you would most likely just be delusional.

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Dwight: We all need to have a little bit of that sense that we can do anything, because that's what allows us to try, but…

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Dwight: One of the things that I'm… I'm hoping to… to get

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Dwight: delivered in this time that we have together is what it is that I mean when I'm talking about imposter phenomenon.

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Dwight: So… or imposter syndrome, because that's really the more popular term for

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Dwight: what that research, it talks about in modern parlance. So…

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Dwight: Again, this research is almost as old as I am, so I'll date myself. The original studies were making the rounds in the 70s, and in 1978, Pauline Rose Clanz published the book called Imposter Phenomenon.

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Dwight: And it laid out everything that would be the seed for everything that came after. And there are some great assessments in it, there are some great personal stories, or some case studies.

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Dwight: And it…

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Dwight: does a thorough job of laying out exactly what it is that people who experience it are going through, and how they have a different…

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Dwight: relationship with the events that are happening than the people that they are operating around.

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Dwight: So… If we look at…

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Dwight: what the internal experience of it is. One of the things that Dr. Clantz talked about

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Dwight: A lot was how there was kind of an internal phoniness, or that sense that, oh, someone's gonna find out!

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Dwight: like, people think that I can do all this great stuff, but oh my goodness, if only they knew. Like, they picked the wrong person.

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Dwight: It's a real thing, and if you have caught yourself saying those things, you don't necessarily have to be…

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Dwight: a woman that's under the oppression of the patriarchy to feel this, I think any high achiever is going to have these feelings of maybe not being as good as other people keep trying to convince them that they are.

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Dwight: But here's the thing, we… in life, we're all just trying to figure these things out. It's really just a series of just trying things, and eventually, with enough practice, you start to emerge as being someone that's kind of the go-to.

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Dwight: But it's… it can be hard to accept that when you're coming from a place of…

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Dwight: Feeling like, for whatever reason, you're… you're not the one. You're not the person that people should be looking at.

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Dwight: Now, for creatives.

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Dwight: this… this feeling can show up in a lot of contexts. It can be, like, something that's…

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Dwight: That you're working on, a project that you care about.

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Dwight: And perhaps this really shows up in things where your heart is in it. It's something that you care deeply about.

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Dwight: And because of it, you… Just don't feel like…

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Dwight: You're ever going to be the… the person who's…

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Dwight: the one that people need to look to as being the authority, or being someone that shapes it. The thing is, you're too close to it. It's a matter of perspective.

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Dwight: It's one of those things where you can look and see that it's working, and you may just have that little bit of doubt where you're saying, oh, well.

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Dwight: I feel like I'm… I'm faking it, or I feel like it's just not quite right.

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Dwight: That's okay. I mean, that's something that…

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Dwight: We all feel from time to time.

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Dwight: A lot of times, we look for some kind of external validation. We look for

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Dwight: Someone that would be an authority that would be able to say that, yes, this is exactly the…

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Dwight: This is exactly the way that things should be done. There's… you've followed the model.

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Dwight: When it comes to creative pursuits, sometimes you're doing something that hasn't been seen before.

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Dwight: That's kind of the point.

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Dwight: And I can… I can understand that there is a need to feel like you have hit some metric, or you're getting some kind of a reflection that there is

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Dwight: perceived value in what you do. Maybe that comes in the form of people paying for whatever it is you're offering, or…

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Dwight: Maybe it comes from the idea that

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Dwight: what you're doing carries some kind of influence, and it's something that's… that's replicated. It's something that's celebrated.

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Dwight: Here's the thing.

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Dwight: If we all operated from a place of…

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Dwight: Worrying what everyone else thought, nothing in this world would ever get done.

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Dwight: It's okay to be a little bit different. Let your weird be your way of finding your place in the world.

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Dwight: You may remember in episode 76, I talked about the imposter cycle, and it's kind of this loop that you go through, and you may… you may see yourself in this as we go through it again, so…

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Dwight: The idea is there's something big that comes up, some big job, some big opportunity that you're really excited about.

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Dwight: And so you can go down one of two tracks if you're on this imposter cycle. You can either just overwork and over-prepare and just do everything to be able to meet the challenge to the point that you are exhausted, just getting ready.

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Dwight: Or, somehow, some other kind of program runs in your head where you're worried about it, but you don't want to do anything. You… you procrastinate as much as possible. Suddenly, everything else that didn't matter becomes important. You gotta fold laundry, you gotta…

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Dwight: go and rearrange your sock drawer. You've got to go and…

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Dwight: tackle every single project that you put off, because you don't want to do this one big thing that is worrying you. It's eating your lunch.

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Dwight: But… in the last minute, you deliver. Like, you…

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Dwight: have this push, and you make everything happen, and then you have this cycle of relief. You're like, ugh.

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Dwight: I can't believe I got it done, everyone was really happy with it. I don't know how I did it. Somehow, they're all fooled.

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Dwight: Here's the thing, you don't actually take a moment to

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Dwight: Have a more balanced approach, and approach it the way you would with

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Dwight: With anything that wouldn't be something you cared about, where you would look at it and say, okay, well.

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Dwight: Here's the deadline, here's the brief, here's what's expected.

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Dwight: How do I break this into manageable pieces?

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Dwight: How do I make it so that I'm not overworking at any point?

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Dwight: And… The other thing is, if you're doing it at a measured… measured pace.

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Dwight: You have some negotiation room, possibly, depending on what it is.

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Dwight: Where, if it looks like it's going to take a little bit longer, you can

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Dwight: Reach out and say, you know, hey.

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Dwight: I thought that I'd be able to have this done by Wednesday.

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Dwight: Let's try a close of business Friday. Does that work?

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Dwight: And if no comes back, it's like, well, you know, we'll have it Wednesday, but yeah, it could have been better.

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Dwight: And be good with it! That's fine.

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Dwight: The imposter cycle, though, makes it to where that kind of rational thinking just isn't possible when you're that close to something that you really care about, and it's something that's close to your heart, and…

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Dwight: there's nothing wrong with you when this happens. This is a natural part of what it is to be so close to something.

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Dwight: And…

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Dwight: The thing is, I think it's funny the way that a lot of people can have that inkling of recognizing, you know, oh wait, this is something that I do, and I can't seem to help myself.

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Dwight: As a coach, the people I work with aren't broken. It's just that they're… we're people. We are complete and whole and capable.

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Dwight: And, like with a lot of things, we have blind spots. There are certain things that we can't see because we're in the middle of it. We need a mirror to be able to see our own face.

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Dwight: And that's kind of how things work with coaching as well.

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Dwight: You get an outside perspective from someone that is not you.

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Dwight: That can take a look and point out something that's going on, and then it's from that outside perspective that you're able to say, oh, wait!

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Dwight: Okay, I see it.

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Dwight: I know about it.

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Dwight: now I can try to do something different. I have my pattern interrupted, and I can

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Dwight: Try a different way of approaching that problem instead of doing the same thing that's kept me tied up in knots forever.

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Dwight: The thing with…

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Dwight: The imposter cycle is… it's a pattern that is probably well worn, you know, especially if you've been engaged in anything creative for a while. It's become…

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Dwight: Almost a ritual for the way that you've been able to do the work you care about.

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Dwight: And the thing about habits is it's really hard to disrupt something that… Is so well worn.

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Dwight: there are a lot of things that might contribute to the way that you got there, and in episode 76, I also talked about the imposter profile.

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Dwight: aspects of it were, the need to be special, you know, and part of that's because of

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Dwight: what we might have been told in childhood. It's a very common thing where we all come from our families of origin, where maybe we're… we're told that we're the gifted one, or we're the one who can sing, or we can… or we're the…

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Dwight: the ones that are just, oh-so-kind, or whatever. You know, we all get little roles as children.

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Dwight: But as kids, we go out into the larger world, and then we get to see that, oh, wait.

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Dwight: I'm not that unique, and I'm in a sea of… Hundreds, maybe thousands.

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Dwight: I… I don't stand… stand out so much.

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Dwight: And we arrive at that realization, and it's one of those things that feeds into that trap of thinking, oh, well, I'm…

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Dwight: I can't possibly be that special. You know, I can't do that thing. And another thing is just the expectation of being that superman, or that superwoman, that, you know, having that standard that is just…

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Dwight: So high that we strive for perfection instead of

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Dwight: Just making a little bit of progress, making a dent, being able to…

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Dwight: Take a stab at something, step back, and say, okay, did that meet the objective? Is that good enough? You know, maybe the lines aren't perfectly straight, or maybe it's not going to win any awards, but

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Dwight: Did it meet the brief? Does it get the job done?

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Dwight: If we have that, super… human…

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Dwight: Standard that we set, then…

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Dwight: Enough becomes something that is out of reach.

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Dwight: Like, we… we can't actually make it to the point where we can say, okay.

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Dwight: Time to step away, because it's… it's done. It's good enough.

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Dwight: And… Some… another aspect is just the fear of failure.

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Dwight: Or the fear of success.

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Dwight: That's… that's a thing, right?

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Dwight: And then, there's also that thing that we might do where it's really… it may seem really…

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Dwight: Humble, really cute to… to say that we…

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Dwight: Don't want to take any compliments, or we can't take compliments well.

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Dwight: There's that… then we deny the compliments because we're denying our competence.

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Dwight: And it seems really subtle, but it's…

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Dwight: It's a thing that we have to…

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Dwight: It's something that I look out for when I'm working with someone that is…

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Dwight: Showing up as having issues with dealing with imposter syndrome.

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Dwight: And then…

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Dwight: Yeah, so I think I've covered them. Fear of failure, fear of success, denial of competence.

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Dwight: Superman or woman, and the need to be special. Yeah, all of those make up the… imposter profile.

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Dwight: Now… As a coach, I'm not one to… to sit and diagnose. No, again.

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Dwight: My clients are completely whole.

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Dwight: Completely capable.

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Dwight: And this is something where we're in a partnership together.

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Dwight: When I'm working with large groups.

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Dwight: Maybe we're facilitating a workshop around this. You know, again, this is kind of a play space that we have, where we can look at all of these different aspects of the imposter profile.

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Dwight: And play with how it is that we might have had relationships with them.

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Dwight: And so, the idea is we can listen for the parts, or, you know, examine and look at the parts that we see in ourselves. Or if we are sharing stories with… in a paired share, we might be able to look and point it out with

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Dwight: the person that we're working with. Because sometimes, again, it's that whole, see your face with a mirror.

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Dwight: We can see it when it's outside easier than when it's inside.

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Dwight: And a magical thing happens when we suddenly have awareness.

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Dwight: We are then empowered to make a different choice.

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Dwight: And isn't that great?

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Dwight: So, I have mentioned how I can…

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Dwight: Have engagements where, in one-on-one, we can go through looking at the aspects of the imposter profile, but we can also do it in small groups or with teams.

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Dwight: Where we go through a series of exercises where we can just have the experience. Have…

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Dwight: Make a shared memory of it, and walk away with a plan where we can

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Dwight: Have a new way of moving about in the world.

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Dwight: The thing is… As I've said before.

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Dwight: There's nothing wrong with having these feelings that…

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Dwight: things are out of reach when you're perfectly capable. I love the example of, oh my goodness, I'm really gonna date myself, but…

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Dwight: there's a great story of Dumbo, and…

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Dwight: I would hate to put any spoilers on this, but Dumbo was a… an elephant that…

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Dwight: was in a circus that could do some amazing tricks, and the most amazing thing was that when Dumbo had his magic feather.

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Dwight: He was able to fly.

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Dwight: So yeah, this is, this was a classic Disney story.

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Dwight: Beautifully told. I remember seeing, an illustrated book for it as a child, and seeing movie… you can probably find clips of it out there.

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Dwight: But…

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Dwight: here's the thing, just as I tell you this, you can't help but have the visual. Well, an elephant that can fly? Well, did the feather really make all that difference?

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Dwight: It really didn't. It was just a symbol that he needed in order to feel like he'd have the confidence to be able to achieve his special trick.

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Dwight: The thing with the imposter phenomenon is…

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Dwight: We sometimes need to be reminded, whenever we're faced with that feeling of crushing doubt about our capabilities.

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Dwight: that we've… already issued the receipts. We've produced work that is At a level of excellence.

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Dwight: We just need to invite that version of ourselves that produced that earlier work to the table so that we can make some more.

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Dwight: So…

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Dwight: I'm hoping that as you listen to this, you have some ideas about the aspects of the imposter phenomenon, and you can…

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Dwight: Kind of see how sometimes The best of us can…

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Dwight: Get in our own way, because we have these ideas about

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Dwight: Who it is that we are, and how it is that we show up, and what we can do.

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Dwight: And it… it doesn't quite stack up to the things that we're actually capable of. And sometimes, we might need a little spotter, you know? If we're lifting weights, and it's above a previous max.

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Dwight: Sometimes you need somebody there to… to help…

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Dwight: With lifting that barbell, even if they're just… they're just hovering over you.

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Dwight: Or, you know, it might very well be that your spotter can

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Dwight: Find ways that you are… you're cheating yourself, or you're about to injure yourself.

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Dwight: I hope that the… that metaphor doesn't break down too much. I know not everybody

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Dwight: Not everybody, does, heavy weights in the gym.

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Dwight: But I… I trust you, you get my point.

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Dwight: I want you to just imagine What it's like to…

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Dwight: Achieve anything that you want, because we live in a world where we're all capable of doing great things.

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Dwight: Our greatest limitation, the only governor that we have, is that which we place on ourselves.

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Dwight: the limitations.

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Dwight: inability, our… Set by what it is that we say that we Are capable of.

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Dwight: There's that old Henry Ford quote that says.

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Dwight: And I… I'll get close, but…

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Dwight: If you think you can, or you can't, You're right.

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Dwight: And what he's getting at with that is that we all have

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Dwight: An innate ability for doing great things.

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Dwight: It's just that we have to have…

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Dwight: That seed of faith that says that We can't.

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Dwight: I hope you've enjoyed this short time that we've had together, and I look forward to future talks, whether it's here on the podcast, or if it's in the…

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Dwight: off chance that we run into each other at some arts event, or if you see me at a workshop, or if I'm delivering a keynote, I would love to talk to you, and…

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Dwight: And, find out that you are also a podcast listener.

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Dwight: Until next time.