#071: The Moment Everything Burned… and Who Megan Hines Became After

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Hello and welcome to another edition of the For the Love of Creatives podcast. You're joined by the Connections and Community Guy hosts, Dwight and Maddox. And today, our featured guest is Megan Hines. Welcome to the podcast, Megan.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

Welcome.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

I'd like for our listeners to just get a little bit of a feel for who you are and what you're about. So in a couple minutes, could you share a little bit about yourself, Megan?

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Absolutely. So I am 30 years old, um, pretty young for all of the life that I've had so far. But I by day my job is that I'm an attorney, and my primary form of representation is I represent children who are in foster care, and that is my favorite part of my job. I do also have private clients for family law, and I will sometimes represent the parents in CPS cases, but that is my day job, and it's a huge passion of mine. I've um fostered and adopted teenage boys out of foster care, and then I have my own biological son as well. So that is my profession. Um, and then a secondary passion of mine that has really begun to grow and flourish is that I live on a homestead now with my family, and we have a family business together where we make non-toxic products for people who like to live that kind of lifestyle. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_04 1:59

You you are one busy person, three three children, and then in law practice, and we all know you know what that's like.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Yes, it's quite a bit, and I do have my own firm that I run remotely. So um it's I'm I say busy for sure.

SPEAKER_04 2:17

You know, I I I I it's a vague memory, but it it must be wonderful to have the energy of being only 30 years old.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

I uh definitely miss when I was 20 and had more energy, but we're making it work.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Well, I I'm impressed with all of the ways that you you seem to be very motivated to give. I mean, the the nature of what you do in well, family law and and uh representing children in these situations that I imagine uh could could really um make everyone grateful for their circumstances. Um tell me what what was your draw to to um move your life in that direction?

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Towards foster care and helping children.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

So honestly, it's kind of crazy. Um, it's just something that God has always put on my life. Um, I think the first time I remember feeling that pull, I was 10 years old and I was at a concert and out of nowhere, the singer on stage like deadlocked eyes with me. Everybody around me turned and looked at me, and she was like, Some of you are called to adopt. And it hit me and I cried at like 10 years old. And at numerous points throughout my life, it just kept getting reinforced. And so when I was about 21, I got on the adoption website and started looking at all of the children that were available for adoption in the state of Texas. And I would pick 10 sibling sets and I would pray for each of them to find their forever homes. And when one would get adopted, I would pick a new group of kids, and I just kept doing that until I was ready to adopt, and then one of those sibling sets that I had been praying for became my son's.

SPEAKER_04 4:13

So wow, how old you were you when that happened?

SPEAKER_00 4:17

Oh goodness. My son was 17, I was 26.

unknown 4:24

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 4:27

That's amazing. I'm I'm I'm speechless. Wow. So there was only a nine-year difference between you. Yes. Was that strange?

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Some people would say so. Um, my husband at the time, um, we both had the same passion. His dad uh was adopted out of foster care, so that was something that we originally really connected on. And uh he was African American, both of my sons are African American, so we got a lot of looks when I walked in with three boys close to my age that didn't look like me who are calling me mom. And um, it was it was always interesting going out, but we all just laughed and had a great time with it.

SPEAKER_04 5:10

I love it. I love stories like that. I mean, that just that just really like touches my heart. What a well, a courageous thing to do, you know, in many, many ways to step into a a whole life where you have three people in your life that are a different color than you are. I mean, I I know how much courage it takes time. I'm in relationship with a black man, so um it's not always it's not always well received.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

It's not people have been very understanding. I will say it it wasn't as big of a deal until we did move out here um to where we live now. It's a much smaller area. And when I moved my husband and two sons to this area, we made up 80% of the minority population in the city. So wow, that was a big shift, but where we came from, it wasn't um as big of a deal. And they always like to give me a hard time about it, and we would joke all the time. Like they said, I didn't ever make my chicken spicy enough, and we we gave each other all kinds of um fun back and forth. So it was usually not something that um we really entertained if anyone was having any kind of negative feelings about it, we would just brush it off and make a joke and move on with our lives.

SPEAKER_04 6:32

So oh, that's that's really inspiring, Megan. That's that's good for you. That's hard to do, you know.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

It was great, and I absolutely loved it because um I love to host and I love to have people in my home, and we kind of became the it house for them and all of their friends. So for every holiday, I had at least six teenage boys at my house, and I'm making, you know, two or three racks of ribs and getting everybody Easter baskets, and we're all going to go see fireworks, and we just always had a full house, and I absolutely loved it because it was just full of love and laughter, and a lot of those kids that weren't even mine will now still call me. They call me Godmama. I had one call me last week and ask me how to file his taxes, so I uh it it makes my heart very full.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Oh wow, what a great story. That is amazing. Well, and you've you've had to deal with some situations that I'm sure brought some secondary trauma because I mean you you get to see just just how dark hearts can get in in your work. But I know that uh when we met you at the the makers market, um you you shared with us that you had recently uh experienced a bit of tragedy of your own.

Losing A Home And Choosing Perspective

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Yes. We unfortunately lost our home and everything inside of it the day after New Year's this year. And that was particularly difficult for me because as I said, I have my own law firm and all of my work, all of my computers, my hard drives, everything that I need to keep my firm running was also lost in the fire and was not recoverable. So we're in a bit of a rebuilding stage right now.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

Wow, that can't be easy. I can't even imagine.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

And I I was just gonna say, despite it all, I I know that when we when we saw you there, it was so close to it having recently happened, you were just the picture of uh professionalism, and you know, you were greeting everyone with a smile, and you you showed up in such a way that you you radiated grace. And it's it's so inspiring to see that. And I was I was deeply moved by the fact that you had uh had to deal with some things that were um you know losses that I'm sure you were grieving, probably still are.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Absolutely. Well, first of all, thank you. That's a very high compliment, and I'm flattered. Um, but for me, it was a moment of perspective um that has I've just been trying to continually reinforce in my life. Um I think there are lots of moments in everyone's life where we have a choice on how we're going to react to a situation. This the circumstance is out of our control at that point in time. And I can be mad about it, I can let myself spiral into a pit of depression, or I can figure out how I'm gonna take this and let it fuel me. How am I going to, you know, have my moment, feel my feelings, and then use that to somehow either help somebody else or spearhead a new direction with my life. And I just remember calling 911 for the third or fourth time because it took them 36 minutes, I believe, to get to my house after we called 911. And so I was just sitting there watching it all burn. And um, I just sat on the ground and um tears are falling, and I was like, okay, this is a moment where I have to choose. Um and sorry, I'm getting a little emotional, but um I I I cope a little bit with dark humor. So I was sitting there having a conversation with God, and I said, Okay, God, I know I said I wanted to start over this year, but um, this isn't exactly what I meant. And um, I just started to realize instead of counting the things that I was losing before my eyes, I started to count the things I still had. Um, and I started to realize that what I still had was what truly mattered. Nobody was hurt. My son was safe. Um, I have a one-year-old. And I was just thanking God that not only was he not in the house, my mom and my sister had taken him out for a day. And so he wasn't experiencing the trauma of watching his home burn down. And um, I was thanking God for that, and thanking him that my dogs were outside so they didn't get hurt, and thanking him that I was able to go in and save my cat. And um, so he was alive. He just had a few burns on his paws, and I just had to sit there and I was devastated. But over and over, I had to just tell myself, it's just stuff. And what matters is still here. So that's kind of been my perspective moving forward. And when I have a tough day and when I start to become overwhelmed by the circumstances, I try to just stop and ask myself, you know, okay, kind of a grounding exercise, you know. I'm still here, I can control the way I react. And I have the people that are irreplaceable. And when that's not enough, I pray and I ask God, just where are you in this? Show me just one little way. Show me where you are.

SPEAKER_04 12:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

That's kind of how I've been getting through.

SPEAKER_04 12:21

You know, Megan, I I don't know whether you've considered this or not. I mean, first of all, what a demonstration of resilience. Like, what a demonstration of resilience. But beyond that, I don't know exactly how long it's been since the fire. Your children weren't present in that moment, but they've been present since then, and you have continued to model that resilience and that that what what I've got rather than what I lost um attitude to them. And I mean, I just I just want to call out you you you are the role model, and they follow you and look at what you are demonstrating for them on a daily basis.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Thank you. It's I think that's been a large part of my motivation is I want to say not necessarily being strong for them, because I see all the time a lot of parents, especially in my line of work, will try to be strong for these kids who have gone through so much. And then in the process, they lose themselves. So I try really hard, especially with my older two who are now adults. I I'm authentic. I tell them, you know, this is hard and it sucks and I'm hurting, but on the same vein, just not getting lost in that feeling, recognizing it, processing it, not not shoving it down, but um keeping the focus on what I can control. And it's been a long time lesson for me. I definitely haven't always reacted that way. But um I think they're a big part of my motivation for keeping the focus there. And without them, I don't I don't know where I would be, to be honest with you.

Leaving The Suburbs For Homestead Life

SPEAKER_04 14:14

Well, thankfully, you don't have to know that. So I I'd love to shift gears a little bit. And I mean, your your story is a beautiful story of how you came to get into the things that you the law and and and the kids and the advocacy and so on and so forth. Somewhere along the way, you started this side gig, you know, and and the whole family's involved now. And you told us just a little bit the day we met you, just a little bit about it. But I would love to hear, you know, how it came to be. What was it that prompted you to think, you know what? I I'm gonna create products that are non-toxic.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

So it was kind of a multi-step process. I'll keep it brief, but I have always been a very future-minded and oriented person. I don't back down from a challenge. That's just not who I am. My parents growing up would joke that if you put me in a corner, I would come out swinging. So I just I don't, it doesn't scare me to take on something new. It actually excites me. So it actually started um when my oldest son, Caleb, had just turned 18, and there was a lot of stuff happening at our house, and there was that big shift of, you know, a young man going from, okay, I'm a man now, and trying to figure out what that looks like and how he was going to navigate that. And so we decided we needed a minute. Um, so my husband and I uh took a trip out to this area, actually. And Caleb stayed with my parents, and we were trying to figure out how to help him come into his own in a way that was encouraging and uplifting. So we took a minute and um tried to recalculate that. Well, during that process, we just started talking about how cool would it be to live out here? How cool would it be to have land and to be able to do all these things that we've talked about? And in full disclosure, we went on a wine tour and I had, I guess, just enough glasses of wine to go, well, let's see. And we we looked up the properties and came to realize that we could get this 21-acre property that we have here for a third of what we were paying for our home in the suburbs. And that just totally shifted. And that was July. And because I don't do anything halfway, we were here, moved in October 10th, and we had made this whole life shift in just a few months. And two weeks later, we had 21 goats, and I'd never owned a goat before. And it just started this whole mentality shift for me of wow, I can live my life in a much more fulfilling way. And I can, I can do this, I can make my own things, I can live in a non-toxic way. And then for that, it was just a few things here and there. Um, we were struggling. I had spent a lot of time and energy and money trying to develop this property. And I convinced my parents, I don't know how, to move out here on the land with us. And they took the leap. We had no power, no water, nothing. We just made it all from the ground up ourselves. And we actually built the home that burned down. Um, it was just a cabin shell, and we did all the walls and the insulation and the flooring and everything ourselves. And except for the electric, we did get a professional to do that. Not that it ended up mattering, but we um we did do everything from scratch. And so for Christmas that year, I didn't have a lot of money and I had just learned how to make all of these non-toxic things for my own home. And there's really no way to small batch them. I mean, it is a small batch in the sense that you'll get 15 to 20 items per time. And I just couldn't use 15 bottles of all natural cleaner in my little tiny cabin. So I started to share those gifts with friends for Christmas, and then they all loved it. And they started asking me if I could keep making it and if I could sell it. And once I got pregnant, I realized I just I wanted my baby to have better. And so I really started diving into it and learning how to replace basically everything in my home with a non-toxic alternative. And I'm really passionate about sharing not only our products, but the process with other people in case they want to replicate and they want to learn how to do it too.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

My goodness. I I just want to roll that back for just a minute. You went from living the script, you know, the template, being in the suburbs and having everything and that that perfect tiny box where you have a routine and everything has all the modern conveniences to going full little house on the prairie. And you you suddenly had to shift from all of the fake ways that we have we call community with the things that we scroll on, to having to build actual community, like barn raising type of community. Like that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Thank you. It was definitely a learning experience and a process, and we've had a lot of really, really great, like people that we're very grateful for along the way. Um, we've met some great people out here. Our, I still remember, I think we'd only lived here three days, and we look out our window and we're like, who is that man on our property? Oh, it was just our neighbor, and he came over and he was like, Hey, I have a backhoe. Do y'all need help with anything? And we were like, Yeah. And we just we've made some really good friends. We had um some other neighbors who were letting us go to their well and cart back and forth giant gallon containers of water for our livestock until we got water down to them. And it it's been a process for sure.

SPEAKER_04 20:26

Oh my gosh, what a great story! Just how you're talking about the community. I mean, you're total strangers. You move in, you don't know anyone, and people and you see, you know, science fiction movies that kind of look like this. But then the fact that you're actually living it, and the thing that one of the things that stuck out about your part of the story about how the products came to be was it started out as just being something that you you did for you and your family, and then it magically just without you having to do anything, turned into something else. It was like it chose you rather than you choosing it.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Absolutely. I kind of joke about that because we don't need to get into this at all, but we can. Um, I was pre-med before I was pre-law, and so I had to take all of these really high-level science courses, and I was terrible at chemistry. I was awful at it. It was not my strong suit. And now all I do all day when I'm not being an attorney is formulate chemical recipes for our non-toxic products, and I love it and I'm actually kind of okay at it.

SPEAKER_04 21:34

So I You know, isn't it interesting what happens when we tap into passion? We find gifts and talents that we had no idea we had.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

It's been really cool. I I if you told me this is where I was going to be 10 years ago, I would have probably sent you for a psych evaluation. But I love it. I love this life. And it is it is so fulfilling in ways that I never expected. I thought at this point in my life I would be some high powered girl boss lawyer running a high-rise law firm in Dallas. And I am so the opposite, and I'm so happy.

SPEAKER_04 22:18

Oh, I love that. So you you've talked a little bit about. How people have rallied around you in this new community. In spite of the fact that you're different. You know, when you show up, you and your family are different, and people still rally. What a warming story. But then there's this part where, you know, in the very beginning, you were making things in the house that were non-toxic. And we we talked to her a couple of times previously for those of our listeners out there, so we know a little bit more of the story, but just a tiny little bit. And that is like her whole family is involved in this, this, these making of products, the the Kendalls and the soaps and the lotions. And I think you're expanding now into household products. And I would love to, I mean, how I mean you said it was you, you thought your parents would never ever agree to move out there, and they did. And every member of your family is is plays a role in this production of how did that unfold and come to be?

SPEAKER_00 23:27

To be honest, I am incredibly blessed to have the family that I have. And I don't say that lightly. I mean, I remember being maybe 10 years old, and my dad said that if I wanted to grow up and flip burgers, he'd show up every day and order one. Like they're just the most supportive parents in the world. And they have taught me so well and taught me to be open to new possibilities and people. And our home growing up always had bonus people. You know, if there was somebody who was going to be spending Thanksgiving alone or Christmas alone, they were at my house with my family. So it was something that I grew up around and I had a really great model for. So when I moved out here, it was surprising because my mom is an amazing woman. She has about 10 times the class that I have ever been graced with. And so the idea of her living in a cabin without power or water was shocking. But she jumped in and she was on board and she has done it with grace. I don't know how, but she has and she's carried herself through it. And my dad was a little bit less surprising. He's um always been a little bit more blue-collar. He uh worked in home building for a long time and actually did luxury home building. So I was thrilled to have him out here because he framed out my house and taught us how to hang sheetrock and how to do all of these other things that I would have been spending hours on YouTube trying to figure out without him. And his expertise really, really helped. And our family has always just been very tight-knit. And I actually went to law school in Maryland, and that was the longest I was ever apart from them. Other than that, I would always try to stay as close to home as I could because we're just so close. And my sister was living in Dallas when we were all out here. And after some career shifts of her own, she was like, Hey, got room for one more. And we were like, We got 21 acres, bring it on. And so now my sister lives out here too. And it's just been great.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Wow. I'm I'm going to show my age just a little bit, and this may be completely lost on on some of our listeners, but it sounds like you forced your mom into uh channeling uh the uh character of Mrs. Douglas in Green Acres.

SPEAKER_03 26:01

I knew that's where you were going. I knew that's where you're going. That is too funny. Yes, you've definitely dated yourself.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

I think my dad's best friend um has changed his ringtone to that the theme song from that show.

SPEAKER_04 26:19

So I love that. Megan, the the way you talk about your family, are you aware of how rare that is?

SPEAKER_00 26:31

I am, and it's it's an extraordinary blessing. And I think that's a large part of why I'm able to keep the perspective that I have, because knowing the kind of home that I've grown up in, the kind of support that I have versus what I see every day in my job, I have so much to be grateful for. And there are a lot of things in life that can be taken from us in an instant. And family is included. Um, and I just try very hard to cherish them and cherish what I have. And I remember when I told them I wanted to do this company, they were like, hey, we're with you. How can we help? And my mom and my sister were like, Megan, we know you're a control freak, but what what can you pass off? How can we lighten your load now that this thing is taking off? And I taught them how to make the candles and now they're way better at it than I am. And so they do that. And my dad wanted to help, and I was having a really big um, I can't even think of the word, but production was slowing down at this point. And it was in rendering tallow because we have such a meticulous process, and I didn't want to sacrifice quality or try to find a way to expedite that that would somehow cheapen it. And so I taught my dad how I did it, and he asked me a million questions and he wrote it all down. And now my dad is the person who processes all of our tallow from start to finish to make sure that it meets our company standards. And he also washes all the dishes, which is not something that I take lightly because to give my dad props, there are not a whole lot of people in this world who are comfortable doing jobs that fall outside of traditional gender roles. And my dad has been humble and he hasn't said, Oh, that's a woman's job. I'm not washing dishes. He'll sit at the sink and wash dishes for hours and hours and hours just to help his family after a long day of work uh out, you know, providing for everybody. So I'm very lucky to have the family that I have and the support that I have because they don't complain, they don't push back, they just say, Where do you need us? And it's it's very truly, it's one of the greatest blessings of my life, is what I'm trying to say.

SPEAKER_04 28:49

You know, as a career hairdresser for 40 years, I listened to lots of family stories. And I very rarely, rarely in that 40 years, ever heard a story like yours. And then we've had lots of conversations with people on this podcast where we really get go deep like this, get into the weeds, and and there have been almost no conversations that are like your conversation. We've I've seen some close-knit families highly dysfunctional, but close-knit. And what you're describing is close-knit and functional. Yeah, I would say you are unbelievably fortunate and and blessed. You know, there there's some listeners out there right now that are going to be going, hater.

SPEAKER_03 29:40

Envy, family envy.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

Well, we I I know that um in a lot of cases we can't choose our family, but in in a strange way, you you have an experience of actually making the choice. And so I I can I can see how through a certain lens it's that much more precious. And you you bring to that a perspective because of what you deal with every day to where you you truly understand the value of what it is. And I I can I have a sense that you are so much more grateful, so much more appreciative because you you have a a different perspective than a lot of people have that I think the reason that they just tolerate their family is because there's a sense of resentment. They they take it for granted.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

Absolutely. And and don't get me wrong, I mean, we argue just like any family. We're we're definitely not picture perfect, but at the end of the day, I know if I needed any of them for anything, and they know the same goes for me, we'll be there in a heartbeat. We'll drop everything. And I think truly, especially with the foster care journey that we've been through, that's where I've really gotten to see my family's love and support in ways that um I really needed and my kids really needed. You know, they I chose to be a foster and adoptive mom. And my parents had a choice in that too. I mean, obviously they don't control my choice, but they could either treat these teenage boys because when they came to my home, they were 16 and 17, and they had been to 14 homes before mine. Um, and they could either choose to go, what are you doing? You're letting these, you know, teenagers into your house. They could rep things, they could, you know, all of the stuff that I got from other people. They would ask me, Are you sure they're not gonna steal from you? Are you sure, you know, all of these just crazy off-handed questions. And my parents could have gone that way. My sister could have gone that way. And instead, the response that I got from them was, Oh my gosh, we're gonna be grandparents. I'm so excited to be an aunt. Let's throw a party. And they hosted an adoption party for my boys, like two weeks after they got placed with us, before they'd ever even been adopted. They invited all of our friends and family, and we made a wish list for them. And all of our family members and friends bought all of their wish list items so that they could have all the things that they'd never gotten to have before. And we decorated their rooms and picked colors that they loved, and we wanted to make sure that they felt welcome, not just into our home, but into our community and our circle. So the the theme of the party was that all of the best superheroes are adopted. And we um made cakes and uh my mom made a Captain America Shield like fruit platter, and um, my sister made like I think Hulk popcorn, and like everybody pitched in, and it was just amazing to see the way that they rallied around these boys. And to this day, sometimes I'll I'll get a call from my sister. I'm like, hey, did you hear that they're doing this, that, and the third? Because they've called my sister and they picked my parents' grandparents' names, they're grams and G-pop, and um, they welcomed them in as if they were birthed by me. And that is not something that everybody has capacity for, and I really don't take that lightly. And I think that the home that they cultivated for me and for my sister allowed that perspective that I keep talking about because they raised us to have open arms and open hearts.

SPEAKER_04 33:36

So we talk a lot about becoming on this podcast. And you started some things at a pretty early age. You knew at 10 that you were going to adopt when the woman made eye contact with you in that concert. It it touched you so deeply you said you cried. So you had this plan mapped out from 10. You knew you wanted to be an adoptive parent, and you uh did that at a pretty early age. When you look at all the things that you have done, the adoptions, the family, then then deciding to uh uh provide these healthy products for everybody in your family, uh this whole progression. Looking back on all that probably didn't know it at the time, but looking back on it now, who did you have to become that you weren't at that time? Who did you have? I mean, the stuff in here, you know, not not the stuff out here, I had to become a chemist, you know, and that got it kind of stuff. The stuff in here, who did you have to become to to be able to get from point A to where you are now, point B, and and yes, you've just had the tragedy of having a house fire and losing everything, but you've still come this like far distance. You're st you're 30. You know? Wow.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

It it's taken a lot of self-growth, and that's a really good question. I think I have had to become a lot less full of myself, to be honest. That's that's really where this starts. When I was younger, I was never this, you know, overwhelmingly prideful person, but I would say I've always been overwhelmingly ambitious. And in high school, I was always the loudest in the room. I I had all these big dreams and big goals, and I loved being the center of attention. And when I got mad, I got big mad. And when I got sad, I got big sad. There was, I don't do anything halfway. And so coming into this kind of calling, especially with children who have gone through so much trauma, and then also learning how to cope with the tremendous loss that we've currently had. And then, you know, I've I've gone through divorce in the last year or two. It's been a it's been a roller coaster. Um, you know, dealing with all of that, I've had to grow into a person who realizes that there are so many things that matter so much more than I do. And um really learning to kind of take stock of my own feelings and put them in perspective and categorize them because especially with foster care, these kids have been rejected and hurt so many times. And they will push you on purpose over and over and over again because they want to prove that you're just like everybody else. They want to prove that you're gonna leave them just like everybody else did, that you're gonna give up just like everybody else did. And, you know, there's the little moments that are heartbreaking that you kind of have to stop and take stock. And then there's bigger moments, but I mean, I'll just give you an example of one of these moments that really kind of helped me become who I am now. I was stressed, I'm frustrated, we've had a long day, I'm focused on what I need, where I need to go, et cetera. And my boys were playing in the living room. I think they've lived with us for maybe two or three weeks at this point. And my oldest Caleb was playing with his brother Brayton, and they're they're flipping their croc shoes in the air. And it just flew off his foot wrong, and it happened to hit a lamp, and the glass just shattered everywhere, and their entire personalities shifted. Um, Brayton went and curled up and was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Caleb started to panic and thought that he was gonna be in all this trouble. And um, I think that was partly because of me, because my first reaction was, don't move, because I didn't want him to get cut by the glass. There was glass everywhere, and I'm worried because he now no longer has the shoe on his foot. I didn't want him to cut his foot and we're sweeping up the glass, and they were just panicked that we were gonna be so angry with them. And I had to stop and be like, it's a$2 light bulb. I just don't want you to hurt yourself. I want you to cut your foot. It's not a big deal. It's okay. And, you know, taking moments like that and realizing um truly what matters um have really helped to shape me and help me become more patient and more calm. And so when somebody says something that would normally cause me to go off on one of those tirades and be like, well, I'm not dumb, you're dumb, and turn it back on them and be that, you know, bulldog lawyer personality that I always thought I would be. Um, it helps me kind of take a minute and go, okay, this isn't about me. Where is this coming from? Did I do something deserving of this feeling? And if so, how do I correct it? And if not, how do I help this person process through the root of this? And learning that has made me a lot softer in a way that I am actually very proud of. So I think that who I have had to become is somebody who takes a second, becomes softer, sits with it, and then reacts rather than somebody with a hairpin trigger, which is how I originally was.

SPEAKER_04 39:18

You know, what you're describing is not reaction, though. When you sit back and think about it for a minute, it's responding. Reaction is the knee-jerk quick thing. You you've stopped um reacting and moved into a place where you're responding. That's not easy to do. Ask anybody, that's not easy to do.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

It's not. I will actually give a lot of credit for that to um my ex-husband. We were actually really great friends now. I know a lot of people get a divorce and they're like angry and they hate each other. That's not the case at all. We're really great friends and I wish him all the best. He has the opposite personality to me. So I think being married to him for so long and learning the way he'll be like, does it matter? Is it that big of a deal? You know, and he's he's just naturally able to do that, and it kind of helps me come down and take stock of things. So I give I give him some credit for that too. Um, it's not easy, and it's taken me a long time to get there. But um I mean, when you look at the alternative, I have had these two boys in my home who'd already been through hell and back, literally. I mean, they've they've gone through it all. And I could make that worse, I could reinforce that by yelling at them, by making them feel less than, or I can realize an opportunity that I have to cause a shift for them. And we reached a point with our youngest where it was like he was going down a list. He did everything that got him kicked out of every home before ours in order. You know, it was like, if I do this, then they won't love me. Oh, they still do? Okay, well, don't worry, the Smiths didn't love me after I did this. Well, the Jones didn't love me after, and he went down the list. And when we got to the end of the list, I was like, Are you done? Like, can you just believe that I love you now? And he was like, I'm trying, but it's hard. And I said, I'm gonna just put it this way you could steal my car, load the dogs up, take everything I have, go joyriding and crash it. And I'm not gonna care because my first question is gonna be, are you okay? Like, that's all I care about. I love you. So you can test me all you want, but that's not gonna change. And it was hard for him. And he was like, I just don't know that I can trust it. And I was like, I get it. You've been here two months, and that was his pattern. Every home, every two months, he would get kicked out for something or another and go to the next home, which is how he had been to 14 homes in just over two years. And I said, Look, I've had sweaters in my closet longer than I've known you. You don't have to call me mom right now. Like this is all very new. But I need you to understand that I'm never gonna give up on you. It's just not gonna happen. So you can keep testing me if you need to, or we can just skip that part and go straight to the happy. And that was hard for him. And it didn't click right then. It took a couple years, but now I mean, we're we're great. And I'm so proud of him, so happy for him. He just got a car, he called me and um was all excited about it. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:23

Oh, that testimony is uh inspiring because I I know that it takes a lot to break those habits. I mean, they they formed to protect us. And my goodness, what that's uh such a testament to the overwhelming power of that the unconditional love of a mother.

SPEAKER_00 42:47

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 42:48

Your your entire story is just so deeply inspiring. I mean, we knew you had some interesting things to share, but I had no idea that it was gonna have this kind of depth and breadth to it. So I you know, all that you had to become, how did that uh affect, play into or benefit the other aspects of your life, like all all of the products that you're making, the whole sidekig, did it play a role?

SPEAKER_00 43:22

Absolutely. Um, I think that when I realized I didn't have to be this high-powered, you know, kick butt attorney to have value and have worth it allowed me to kind of tap into that softer side of myself. And through that is kind of how I discovered, you know, making all of these things and cultivating a home environment that feels powerful in a protective way, you know. I I can control what my children and my family are exposed to. And if they don't make it, I can make it. And it really helped me kind of shape that environment. And it's it's empowering. It's a process. I've had to spend years perfecting our recipes and messing up. And oh my goodness, I could rip my hair out on how many times I've tried to make a gel body wash. It hasn't happened. I'm gonna get it eventually. But um, you know, just figuring everything out, it's empowering to me to know that I don't have to be on. A billboard downtown to affect real change in my home and in the people that I interact with. And um that's kind of what I meant and what I was getting at with the, you know, I don't have to matter that much. It doesn't have to be about me. It's about what can I do to help and how can I make an impact that matters more than a billboard? Um, not to hate on anybody who has a billboard. That's great. I'm happy for you and your success. But um for for me, you know, it's it's just been this journey of figuring out what do I need to prioritize? What is gonna keep me up at night 20 years from now? Am I gonna care if I landed a big case or not? Or am I gonna care that my kid is suffering from some sort of an illness because of something that they were exposed to repeatedly? You know, that's that's what's gonna matter to me. So I really started pouring into that softer side of myself and giving it space to grow. And it kind of turned into this whole other project. And my family came on board and it's just continuing to grow. We've got a whole bunch of big things on the horizon that I'm really excited about.

Rebranding As Ember After The Fire

SPEAKER_01 45:39

Well, I think that some of that is foreshadowed in the judo move that you made and the way that you've designed your branding. I mean, the name itself, Ember, I I have to assume that's a direct nod to losing everything in a fire and moving forward.

SPEAKER_00 46:04

Absolutely. Um, we were formerly squat up ranch, that's what we called it, because the whole squad came and we were squatting up to create this new life. Um, and that was our our name. And then when the fire happened, in the name of full disclosure, I I don't I don't have much. I don't get paid a lot by the state to represent children in foster care. It's less than what a teacher would make, which we should pay our teachers more, but that's a whole other topic. Um, but it's it's it's not a lot, and um, I get by with it because it's work that matters to me, but I had a lot of product in that cabin that we were making, hoping to sell that I had upfront invested in. It was right after Christmas, and I had my boys had come home for Christmas, and so I spoiled them. And I had just bought, you know, gaming consoles and Nike hoodies and all these things that I had been saving for. And um all the Christmas gifts that I bought for my baby's first Christmas all burned in the fire. So it was all of this stuff that I had spent so much time working and saving up for to give to them. Um, it was just all gone. And I'm I'm staring at my house burning down, knowing I have like$200 to my name because I've just done all this and I'm waiting to rebuild. And um, so I was just, how am I gonna do this? How am I gonna recover? And I just kept hearing in my head, you know, beauty can come from ashes. Like it only takes an ember to start an entire flame and to take on it this whole new life. And so, as my family and I were taking stock of what do we do? Does this end our business? Did we, I mean, can we keep fulfilling orders? Can we keep going to markets with this looming over us? And and what are we gonna do about your house? Where are you gonna live? And we decided instead of letting it destroy us, that we were going to let it refine us because fire can be disruptive, it can be destructive, it can burn everything down, but it can also refine and it can also improve. And so we decided to go that way. And we rebranded as Ember, and our little slogan is refined by fire and rooted in purpose. And so it's kind of renewed our fire, no pun intended, for what we do, and it's spearheaded some really big things that we're excited to start.

SPEAKER_04 48:35

You you definitely are the Phoenix rising from the ashes.

SPEAKER_02 48:42

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 48:43

And girl, I gotta tell you, you have wisdom beyond your years. I'm sure I appreciate that. I'm sure you get told that a lot, do you not? Uh sometimes I it's I do some dumb things though, so sometimes I've gotta tap the brakes, but I really we all gotta do a little bit of that or it wouldn't be life. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 49:06

Yep. I'm definitely still learning and growing, and I'm just incredibly grateful for each and every person who has helped me grow along the way and helped share what they know.

SPEAKER_04 49:19

So this becoming conversation, I got one more question before we wrap because we're getting close to time. You you have expressed who you had to become to go from point out A to point B, where you are now. And you have all of these bold plans and aspirations on the table. You you got a big future you want to reach out to. So, and this is a tough question. So if you can't articulate it in its breadth and in its fullness, we'll we'll dance around it. But if if you can, do you have a sense of who it is that you now, because what got us here won't get us there. Who do you now have to become to get to that there? And and sometimes it's something that we have to release and let go of. Sometimes it's something new that we have to embrace. Um what whatever's coming up for you?

SPEAKER_00 50:18

I think there's multiple parts to that, but truly I think I have to become more flexible, I guess, um, more willing to go with the flow, to accept things as they come and to rock with it. And I've always kind of been that person, but I've always had a picture of where I wanted to be and what I wanted to look like and how I wanted things to end up. And that's just been literally incinerated. So I I'm at this point where I'm having to realize that wherever I end up is okay. And whatever I end up doing will be enough. And I'm gonna have to learn that I'm enough, that the people around me are enough, and that at the end of the day, um that's where the focus should lie. And my biological son is a big part of that too. He is, oh my gosh, he's so stinking smart, y'all. He's 13 months old and talking in full sentences. He can, uh he's three feet tall. He's running around the house. He's so emotionally intelligent that if I even look the slightest bit upset, he will stop what he's doing. He could be playing with a dinosaur across the room. If he notices the slightest bit of discomfort on my face, he will stop and go, mama, and he'll just lock onto me until I can look at him and smile and say, I'm okay, baby. And he won't listen to anybody else say, Oh, your mama's fine. No, he needs to hear it from me. And I think that God put him in my life at this point in time for a very specific reason, too, because who I need to be to be his mama, I think is who I'm gonna need to be to walk into this next chapter of life. And um, I'm I don't know why God thought I was good enough or deserving enough to have this kid, but he is incredible and his brothers love him deeply and he loves them too. They FaceTime all the time. And I'm just I'm very blessed to be where I'm at. So I have a lot of growing to do, and I think I'm gonna have to be flexible because it may not look the way I want it to, and it may not happen as fast as I plan, and that's gonna be hard for me because I'm a decide I'm moving out to the country and then living there two months later, kind of girl. So um figuring out what the next steps look like and kind of taking the hits as they come and and rolling with it is is the direction I'm trying to head in.

SPEAKER_04 52:53

Well, I want to acknowledge you for articulating that so well. That's not an easy question to answer. And you you sailed through, you know, if the listeners didn't know better, they would think that we gave you the question in advance and we didn't. Um wow. I mean, that's you articulated that probably better than most of the people that we have had conversations about becoming with. That's uh it's just very inspiring.

SPEAKER_00 53:23

Well, thank you. And part of that flexibility is that answer may change. I mean, you could ask me the same question two weeks from now, and I may have a completely different answer. But right now, in this moment, that's where I feel I'm I'm needing to grow the most.

SPEAKER_01 53:37

So well, that's that's a beautiful thing, but you know, I can't help but reflect how you've you've gone through some trials and you've prevailed. And part of that is because you've already cultivated that flexibility you seek. Well, you're willing to live through and just accept that there are certain things that are out of your control and only concentrate on the the things that you can't.

SPEAKER_00 54:14

It's it's not an easy thing to do for a control freak like myself. And I still have my moments where I might just totally spaz out about losing control over one little thing. It happens. Um, but I'm I'm definitely trying to grow and be better every day, and I think that's all any of us can actually do.

SPEAKER_01 54:33

So that's beautiful. We all have our moments.

SPEAKER_00 54:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 54:38

I predict that there's going to be some point in your life, in your future, when you can look back on this time in your life and see the perfection of how it unfolded. See all of the unseen gifts that came as a result of the fire and losing everything.

SPEAKER_00 54:59

I definitely think that it will happen. Um, like I said, God has been faithful already, just in every moment where I've wanted to just crawl into that hole and live there. Um, He's met me where I'm at and he's shown me, you know, there are so many things I could say about it, but I I see him and I see his plan through it all. And I don't know what it looks like, and it's extremely hard to trust it, but I believe that it's there. And um I mean, even just none of the walls in my house fell except one. And that one wall that fell happened to fall in my baby's nursery, and it just so happened to fall over a cardboard box I had gotten from Hobby Lobby that just so happened to have my baby's sonograms and his hospital bracelet and all of the keepsakes that I would have really dreaded if I lost. And it just so happened that that one box is the only thing that survived the fire in his nursery. I mean, there are just so many little things like that that to me, I'm like, okay, I see you and I trust you, despite it all. So I I really believe that I will be able to look back on this one day. And if nothing else, if the story helps one person who's going through what they feel is their rock bottom, then it's worth it. If if that story helps one person who is in the depths and can't see a way out, if it helps them have hope, I'd go through it all again.

Gratitude And Closing Reflections

SPEAKER_04 56:31

I suspect that the ripples of this conversation are gonna go much further than what we're seeing right now. Much further. Wow. Megan, thank you so much. I mean, you just brought the whole enchilada to the table. Um, your authenticity, your vulnerability. Um, I'm I'm stirred deeply.

SPEAKER_00 57:01

Thank you for having me and and thank you both for stopping at our booth. I mean, y'all are both incredible individuals, and I am blessed to get to talk to you and to know you both and follow in your journey as well.

SPEAKER_04 57:13

So it was meant to be.