WEBVTT
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I felt there was such a difference because every time somebody would say she or Miss Nico, there was this cringe, this just very silent, very small, but it was just like, eh, you know.
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Then when she would say, Well, they, there was just like this breath that I took every time that was said.
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And okay, well, that feels really comfortable.
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That feels so much more me, you know.
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Um, and then I said, Okay, yeah, well, I feel like I've I found where I I stand because I'm just in this weird middle space where I'm just me.
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Hello, hello.
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It's for the love of creatives, Maddox and Dwight here.
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And today we're welcoming our host, Nico Coleman.
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Welcome, Nico.
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Thank you so much.
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I'm really excited to be here.
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Oh, we're glad you're here.
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Yeah, we're really glad you're here.
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We've been looking forward to this, and I can tell you've already calmed down.
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What a beautiful thing.
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Ain't that the truth?
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So I'm gonna pass it over to you for a moment and let you just share a little bit about who you are and what you're about with our audience because you can do that better than I can.
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That's that's a loaded question.
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So um, I'm Nico.
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I am just the most creative version of myself, I think, that I've ever been.
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So I grew up doing art and I now have a design business.
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And uh, the more that I have created with this design business, the more I have kind of opened myself up to all the things creative that I've done growing up.
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So I do photography and I do music and I um I draw and I paint and it it's it's all such a multifaceted thing.
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So I've that's me.
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I'm multifaceted.
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I always used to call myself a jack of all trades or a Jill of all trades or whatever you, a Joe of all trades, either one, but I do all the things.
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So uh it's always really hard to pigeonhole myself into this is who I am.
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I feel like I'm constantly becoming more, which is really exciting.
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But you know, I think that's why I love the term creative so much, because it kind of encompasses all of that so beautifully.
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Absolutely.
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There's a wide berth when you're a creative, you're not pigeonholed into any one thing.
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Yeah.
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And growing up as like everything creative was automatically, it just came easy to me.
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So um, and and I have you know you got some haters right now because it doesn't come easy to all of us.
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I think it's nothing new either.
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Everybody used to, you know, give me a hard time and be like, what do you not do?
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In well, I don't know.
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There's some things I haven't tried yet.
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So I don't know.
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I'm I'm fortunate that that just rolls, you know, really, really easily.
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But it's also hard when I want to try something new.
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And if it doesn't come easy, then I don't have a lot of patience for that.
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So oh my God, you are telling my story right now.
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I mean, I've been a lifelong creative and it most of the time comes easy to me, but I'm painting now, and I've been painting for like seven or eight months, and and I'm I'm still waiting for that breakthrough when it feels like it gets a little easier.
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It's just lots of ugly right now.
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Yeah, I do not, I despise the learning process, which is horrible to say that I do not like that.
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I like to be automatically good at everything.
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And I feel like something set me up for failure when it made some things come natural because I don't have patience.
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Okay.
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There's a great starting point.
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What you just said, I want to hear more of that about that, because something in your environment informed that, you know, I want to just start something and be good at it right away.
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Talk a little bit about that, please.
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Oh, absolutely.
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So I am um I am on the spectrum of autism, and I have ADHD and I have OCD.
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So I have all of these things in my brain constantly fighting against each other.
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I have this ADHD that's very creative and wants to do everything a certain way, but then I also have autism that needs everything to be this way, and then I have OCD that needs it to be perfect.
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So um I'm constantly having to look at myself and say, it's okay, you know, progress is better than perfection.
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I hear that all the time.
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I hate it, but it's true.
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I have to remind myself because I growing up, I've been around perfectionists, which I feel like kind of brought on some of these ticks or these, you know, act the way that I act.
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Um, so everything that I do is very needs to be a certain way.
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And I'm very hyper-critical.
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I have a very loud inner critic.
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So what other people see is wow, that's great.
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I'm like, well, it could be better.
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So it's horrible.
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Nico, was there Oh, go ahead, White?
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No, I I I think that there's ways that we can all relate to that because I know that there are certain things that I have to lean on just to be okay with getting through the day.
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So uh uh a very interesting ritual for me is I try to set myself up so that I I know that I can have some degree of success in each day because I can't relate to everything being easy.
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For me, life is a constant series of challenges that I overcome.
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And it's in that that process of being able to meet those challenges that I can mark progress and feel like I am I'm not stuck.
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I I kind of do the same.
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It's almost like creating a checklist of things that you've already done that day to check them off and feel accomplished.
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It's it's similar.
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And I do that.
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You know, I need to say, hey, I did one thing today.
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Good job, you know.
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You know, I I think it's very common for people on the spectrum, neurodivergence, to mask.
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We've had a lot of conversations about this.
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And I never really think about it too much because Dwight doesn't necessarily talk about how challenging things are.
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But I as he was saying that just then, I was going, but my God, you make it look so easy.
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He does.
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He makes it look very easy most of the time.
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He just takes on a task and and and then it's just done and it's done well.
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But you don't know everything that's like swirling in here to make that happen.
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It's the same with me.
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Um, I just I try to make it look easy, but that's all about masking.
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It's all about that duck on top of the water that looks calm, but it's paddling furiously underneath.
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That's me 100% of the time.
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So you mentioned this inner critic that's pretty tough on you.
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And now I have one of those as well, so I can really, really relate.
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And I know that's environmental.
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You know, we don't come into the world with that inner critic.
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There's somebody in our life, somebody that was um significant that modeled that for us, usually a parent.
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And then when we leave home and we get away, we're so from that is so familiar to us that we have to take it with us.
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And that's when the inner critic is kind of born.
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When the when the person who criticized us is no longer there, um, we take over that role.
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So, I mean, we don't want to throw anybody under the bus.
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This isn't about making anybody wrong, but was it a family member or somebody close to you that was that critical?
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For me, it was dad.
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It was my dad.
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Yeah.
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My dad, um, so my parents divorced when I was two.
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Um, and my dad remarried quickly thereafter.
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And his wife was not good to me.
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Um, so I went through, they were married from the time that I was two to the time that I was twelve.
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So um there was a lot of you know child abuse, you know.
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I look at it now and it feels like such a big word to say, but it was abuse.
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I wasn't hit, but it was abuse.
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And um that, you know, from two to twelve, like that's so much.
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Well, there's your formative years, you know.
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Yeah.
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And emotional abuse is usually worse than physical abuse.
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Yeah.
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I mean, and there was some like slightly, but like nothing that was, yeah.
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I I probably downplay it to myself because like saying that seems so huge, you know.
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Um, but yeah, so during that time, that's going on, you know, 10 years and the formative years.
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And so um I I learned one thing was to be critical, but I also learned that the first time I told my dad that anything was happening, he went to her.
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And then the next weekend that I was with him, it was worse.
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So that also taught me as a young kid, don't talk about it because things get worse.
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So then you start bottling everything up because we don't talk about things, you know.
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Um, so yeah, that taught me that young, and that's that's why I'm in therapy today, is because I'm finally here I am, I'm 45 years old and just been in therapy for a year.
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So that's a lot of years to have a whole lot to talk about that I haven't really done.
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So um, yeah, that that definitely formed that criticism of myself from a young age.
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Yeah.
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You Nicole, I I want to acknowledge you and honor you for getting help.
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Appreciate it.
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It's a it's a it's a big step, and sometimes it's a really hard step to take that first step.
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But you know, it's up to us.
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No, nobody can can help us through all of that except for, I mean, a professional, yes, but they can't do it for us.
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And you've stepped up and um it's it's just a really big deal.
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And so now I, you know, I think in just you sharing that on this public platform, you're modeling to other people, you know, that we have to do our work.
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If we want the life we want, we have to do our work.
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Definitely.
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I mean, I grew up, you know, that was my my weekends with my dad.
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I grew up in a very religious, strict home with my mother, which my mom's great.
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Uh, she's amazing.
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Um, but being raised super religious with so many rules and such high expectations to be perfect, you know, you're attaining, you're always told that you're you're not enough.
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You need to constantly earn something.
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And so that also, so I'm I I'm getting it from two sides, but I have a home full of love, but with this indirect criticism there, and then I'm getting direct criticism from another, and those are the two people that have all my trust.
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So yeah, I mean, I grew up very, very critical of myself because there was it was never, there was never, it was never good enough, and I still hear that.
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Yeah.
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Better, but I hear it.
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Yeah.
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You're you're describing family dysfunction.
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You know, if we're gonna put a label on it, that's family dysfunction.
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I don't know very many families that don't have it, but that doesn't make it okay.
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It is easy.
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Right.
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Well, thank you for being so public and so bold uh and sharing, um, because it it makes it easier for others to even know that there's an option.
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Right.
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And that you can come out on the other side of it.
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And it doesn't, you can choose how it affects you.
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And that's one thing I've always said.
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I could be so bitter and so closed off to everything.
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And instead, I'm just super enthusiastic and positive and excited about things that are just nerdy and dorky.
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But I can that's how I find myself.
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That's where I find my joy.
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Um, I'm glad that I was able to look at it from a different way and not let it destroy me, but instead just kind of catapult me into a better person.
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So you know, you're you're really doing a beautiful job of demonstrating our what we talk about a lot here on the podcast, which is becoming.
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I mean, you you could have taken a bitter route, you know, but you chose to become a different person.
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You consciously and intentionally made that choice.
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And I think there's a lot of our world that doesn't really realize that they actually have a choice.
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I hear people say, This is the hand that I was dealt.
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You know, well, yes, but you can always throw those cards down and and deal again.
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Exactly.
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Yeah, you know, just reverse like an Uno, just flip it.
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And so I'm I'm gonna take this a little step further because I think this is important.
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And I think since this is past, this is something that you can probably answer.
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We've discovered this question is too hard for future, but um, you know, in order to not become that cynical bitter person based on all you had endured, you chose to become something else, something that is outgoing and positive and uplifting and joyful.
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Who who was it that you had to become to be able to make the choice that you made?
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That you know, for for us, the becoming thing is it's it's the who, not the what.
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You know, the what is I I decided to become an artist, or I decided to become a musician, or that's the what?
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The who is and this internal thing.
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We had to let go of something, maybe a limiting belief, or we had to adopt something new.
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Um, we had to choose a different way of seeing ourselves.
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Who did you have to become to to get where you are right now in that positive, uplifting, let go of the past type person?
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While it may sound like an easy answer, it's so multidimensional, but I had to become me.
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That was I was never me.
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I was always masking, I was always performing, I was um being what was expected of me.
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And like all of this, my business, my creativity, everything has been happening because I became myself authentically and didn't hide and didn't mask it from people because I lived years as a chameleon.
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That's what I tell people, is because I knew how easily it was for me to turn it on for this group of people and then turn it off.
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And I'm with this group, so then I turned this personality on and I knew how to please everybody, but except for myself.
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And so when I dropped all of that and became me, that's when it all kind of started falling into place.
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Can you articulate what enabled you to do that though?
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My wife.
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Um that was the biggest turning point.
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Um, I needed I needed encouragement because I had lived that way so long, living double lives, being different personalities, pleasing everybody, and um I wasn't out because uh I'm I'm a non-binary, um and I was not open about that.
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I was very hidden and I lived separate lives.
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So I went to church and I did this, and then in my free time I might drive an hour and a half to go be somebody else, you know, because that's the way I was raised.
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I was raised that it was so wrong.
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You don't live like that.
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So um I didn't tell anybody, I just hit it and I masked it and I went along with the motions and made everybody happy except for myself.
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And so when I met my wife who was my friend at work, um that was the first time I felt like I had met somebody that it was worth blowing everything up over.
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Like this is the moment where I have a really big decision.
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I can do this and I can be happy and I can just live how I want to live, but that's gonna require so much.
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And I might lose everything, but is it worth it?
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And to me at that time, and still today it is, and it was, and that's that's where I found myself is because there was finally somebody who was telling me do what, do what you want.
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And there was nobody having any expectations of me other than just being happy.
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And that first time was just, and so it's been a slow pro you know, slow progress because how many people are 40 years old and trying to discover themselves and figure out, okay, what does all this mean?
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How do I be myself?
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I don't know.
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Um, but yeah, that was the moment.
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I just said, okay, well, here we go.
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And it well, good on you.
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It's been great.
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Yeah, it's been great.
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Um, but yeah, it's been a lot at the same time.
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So you know, it's that that that step that we always hear about the story about taking the step before you see the stone that you're gonna step on, you know?
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Um, or or jumping off of a cliff and and knowing that you're gonna fly rather than fall to your death.
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It was definitely jumping put jumping off a cliff, no parachute, just hoping, you know, you find a canopy down there.
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How long have you and your wife been together?
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Um, we've been married for two years, together for four.
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Congratulations.
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Congratulations.
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Thank you.
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And she's amazing, just so everybody knows.
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So she showed up as oh, I guess a confidant, an angel in disguise.
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She encouraged you, and she met you where you were.
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Yeah.
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And still to this day, she is like the biggest cheerleader for me.
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I I've never had somebody just to go ten toes in for me, no matter what.
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Um she roots me on daily.
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And no matter what I'm doing, she celebrates everything.
00:20:05.110 --> 00:20:09.110
She thinks everything's a big deal that I do, and that's just huge for me.
00:20:09.509 --> 00:20:11.830
It's a life game changer, isn't it?
00:20:12.630 --> 00:20:13.269
Completely.
00:20:13.430 --> 00:20:13.670
Yeah.
00:20:13.830 --> 00:20:19.029
The life that I'm living now, like five years ago, wouldn't even believe it.
00:20:19.509 --> 00:20:29.350
You know, you're very blessed that you fortunate blessed, whatever the right word is, that you came to this at the time that you did in your life.
00:20:29.509 --> 00:20:34.630
Some of us I didn't get where you are till much later in life.
00:20:35.670 --> 00:20:36.550
Much later.
00:20:37.029 --> 00:20:38.390
And I feel so late.
00:20:38.710 --> 00:20:45.029
You know, I I don't I don't question that because I think everything happens in in its own time.
00:20:45.430 --> 00:20:49.110
It it wouldn't have worked if it had come down at an earlier time.
00:20:49.190 --> 00:20:51.190
There's a reason it didn't come down in an earlier time.
00:20:51.430 --> 00:20:51.830
Right.
00:20:52.310 --> 00:21:10.470
But I still think, you know, what a what a beautiful, fortunate thing for you to have a longer period of your life to live after you you found somebody that celebrates you, but you also found yourself the part of you that celebrates you.
00:21:10.710 --> 00:21:14.550
And that's probably which came first, her or you?
00:21:15.830 --> 00:21:16.150
Her.
00:21:17.110 --> 00:21:20.710
Yeah, see, you're really blessed because I don't think that's usually maybe, I don't know.
00:21:20.790 --> 00:21:22.310
I guess work, I guess it works both ways.
00:21:22.470 --> 00:21:23.990
For me, it did not work that way.
00:21:24.230 --> 00:21:28.630
I had to find me before the right person showed up.
00:21:28.950 --> 00:21:33.509
I had to really knew who I was, but I no one ever got to see that.
00:21:33.750 --> 00:21:34.070
Yeah.
00:21:34.230 --> 00:21:37.590
So it's like I knew, but I wasn't living that.
00:21:37.750 --> 00:21:40.470
I was that wasn't me to anybody else.
00:21:40.710 --> 00:21:48.230
So she kind of gave me permission to just take off all the masks and just be real.
00:21:49.750 --> 00:21:50.070
Wow.
00:21:50.310 --> 00:22:01.190
Well, I I think of what you've experienced, and I'm reminded, we we saw a biopic, the the Whitney Houston story, I want to dance with somebody.
00:22:01.750 --> 00:22:02.070
Yeah.
00:22:02.630 --> 00:22:09.750
And she was in a situation where she uh had a very similar path.
00:22:09.990 --> 00:22:20.550
She was very much whoever it was that she was supposed to be at it at any given point until we got to see her crack up quite publicly.
00:22:24.070 --> 00:22:27.590
It's uh it it's painful to to watch.
00:22:27.670 --> 00:22:42.790
I I know we can look at clips of her uh on on any of the the scrolling feeds and it was very public how it just all came crashing down at the end.
00:22:44.230 --> 00:22:53.750
And I I'm so glad that you can share a completely different way that things can unfold when you can just be true to yourself.
00:22:54.630 --> 00:22:55.269
Absolutely.
00:22:55.430 --> 00:23:03.910
Yeah, I am I know that I am very fortunate that I although I feel late to the game, I'm also like it all happened right at the right time when I was ready.
00:23:04.150 --> 00:23:05.430
So yeah.
00:23:05.750 --> 00:23:12.390
Yeah, that late to the game thing is really very um relative, you know?
00:23:13.190 --> 00:23:14.470
It really is.
00:23:15.190 --> 00:23:19.750
Um but what yeah, what a what a beautiful thing.
00:23:20.230 --> 00:23:21.750
What a beautiful thing.
00:23:22.390 --> 00:23:41.269
So what is what would you say what is some of the primary things that have changed about your life after you've stepped into that vulnerable authentic Niko, you know, no more pleasing people, no more putting on the masks.
00:23:42.630 --> 00:23:45.590
What has that facilitated in your life?
00:23:46.070 --> 00:23:47.590
That there's so much.
00:23:47.830 --> 00:23:49.430
I'm trying to think of all of them.
00:23:49.590 --> 00:23:59.029
So I so being raised very uh strict, I was raised, you know, I I did not wear anything but skirts.
00:23:59.190 --> 00:24:03.110
You don't cut your hair, you don't wear makeup, you don't, you know, don't, don't, don't.
00:24:03.269 --> 00:24:06.790
Um, and then all of a sudden I'm like, let's go shopping.
00:24:07.029 --> 00:24:10.550
So I started dressing what felt comfortable to me.
00:24:10.790 --> 00:24:20.150
Because although I was wearing skirts, I'm wearing, I was also wearing like flannels and baseball caps and tennis shoes.
00:24:20.230 --> 00:24:27.110
You know, I've like, whatever I can do to kind of like make this me, I would do that, but it was, it was never me.
00:24:27.269 --> 00:24:34.150
Um, I I started dressing the way that I felt, the way that felt comfortable for me.
00:24:34.470 --> 00:24:40.870
I stopped my so my first name, uh, you know, everybody called me that.
00:24:41.029 --> 00:24:49.190
I moved to this area and was like, I'm going by my middle name immediately because that's not me.
00:24:49.350 --> 00:24:50.870
That doesn't feel like me.
00:24:51.029 --> 00:24:52.710
Um, so I started going by Niko.
00:24:53.590 --> 00:25:03.590
Um I went through this whole transformation of how do how do I even identify myself to people?
00:25:03.750 --> 00:25:10.150
You know, a lot of people who have been in the community for a long time are automatically, you know, well, how do you identify?
00:25:10.310 --> 00:25:11.830
I there were so many options.
00:25:11.990 --> 00:25:16.950
So I had to do a lot of research about how I even feel that I exist.
00:25:18.150 --> 00:25:23.509
Um, and even then, you know, it's like trying on coats to see what fits.
00:25:23.750 --> 00:25:26.550
Um, so I did a lot of that.
00:25:26.950 --> 00:25:38.710
Um, and then coming to a realization of where I am and how I feel in my own skin, um, that's a whole other coming out.
00:25:39.029 --> 00:25:52.390
Um, and trying to get people who don't really understand your lifestyle in the first place to understand why this is why why you gotta be even more different.
00:25:52.630 --> 00:25:59.350
Um so I thought, okay, well, maybe I'm a little gender fluid.
00:25:59.509 --> 00:26:06.230
And then I was like, no, because it's not really fluid because I don't really flow into a really feminine space very often.
00:26:06.470 --> 00:26:09.670
I yes, I was assigned female at birth.
00:26:09.910 --> 00:26:14.230
Um, I know that I was assigned female at birth, but that's about the extent of it.
00:26:14.310 --> 00:26:22.550
I have no, I don't want to be a man, but I also don't want to be called miss or anything like that.
00:26:22.710 --> 00:26:27.590
So I started kind of like thinking about the you know, non-binary, doing my research.
00:26:27.830 --> 00:26:34.230
I'm finding creators who also identify that way to see if that's kind of something that feels comfortable.
00:26:34.630 --> 00:26:43.110
Um, and it took me a few years to really come into that, really that decision that, okay, you know, this is exactly what feels good.
00:26:43.670 --> 00:26:47.110
My wife started using they, them pronouns for me.
00:26:48.470 --> 00:26:59.430
And I felt there was such a difference because every time somebody would say she or Miss Nico, there was this cringe, this just very silent, very small.
00:26:59.590 --> 00:27:02.310
It was just like, eh, you know.
00:27:02.950 --> 00:27:11.269
Then when she would say, Well, they, there was just like this breath that I took every time that was said.
00:27:11.830 --> 00:27:14.710
And okay, well, that feels really comfortable.
00:27:14.870 --> 00:27:17.269
That feels so much more me, you know.
00:27:17.430 --> 00:27:26.390
Um, and then I said, Okay, yeah, well, I feel like I've I found where I I stand because I'm just in this weird middle space where I'm just me.
00:27:26.630 --> 00:27:28.550
That's how I identify.
00:27:28.630 --> 00:27:37.190
I am me and I wear what I want to wear, which most of the time is going to be joggers and Jordans and baseball hats.
00:27:37.269 --> 00:27:40.870
And that's just my comfort level where I, you know, where I like.
00:27:41.110 --> 00:28:01.750
And yeah, it was just finding this like what what feels like me and the to be at that age and trying to figure out what feels me has been, you know, the few years to really kind of take a deep breath and go, okay, that's it, that fits, you know.
00:28:02.790 --> 00:28:17.830
As you begin to discover the way you wanted to dress, the the the way you wanted to present to the world, and you you begin to lean into that, how did friends and family respond?
00:28:19.750 --> 00:28:29.910
Um, well, I lost almost all of my friends initially when I came out because I was raised in a church, and the church is where my social crowd was.
00:28:29.990 --> 00:28:34.310
Um, all the kids that I grew up with, that I was in youth group with, you know, everything.
00:28:34.470 --> 00:28:38.950
I went through a lot of hard conversations with the people who I felt like were my core.
00:28:39.110 --> 00:28:44.310
Um, you know, those are the people who I didn't send a text and I didn't write an email.
00:28:44.470 --> 00:28:51.990
I made lunch dates and I made coffee dates and we did one-on-one meetings, and I'm coming out to you face to face and I'm having a conversation with you.
00:28:52.550 --> 00:28:57.350
And most of those conversations, I came home one less friend.
00:28:57.590 --> 00:29:00.950
And it wasn't ever just like, absolutely not.
00:29:01.350 --> 00:29:09.110
It was this very, I can't even really explain the response.
00:29:09.190 --> 00:29:12.070
It was more like, well, this changes everything.
00:29:12.710 --> 00:29:17.269
Or, okay, well, you know that this means I don't want you around my children.
00:29:17.990 --> 00:29:20.870
Or um, well, you know how we believe.
00:29:20.950 --> 00:29:25.350
You know, it's nothing that was ever just like, hey, I love you no matter what.
00:29:25.830 --> 00:29:34.710
Um so those conversations were hard in the beginning because I was somebody they thought they knew me.
00:29:35.590 --> 00:29:50.550
Um but when I started becoming myself, I had people who surprised me and really showed up hard for me, who I didn't ever feel like were my core people, but have somehow become those core people.
00:29:50.950 --> 00:29:53.910
Isn't it amazing how the universe works?
00:29:54.230 --> 00:29:54.870
Yeah.
00:29:55.190 --> 00:30:05.509
You know, uh you those people were revealing that they never were your friends to begin with.
00:30:06.710 --> 00:30:10.870
But you know, that's not making making them wrong in any way.
00:30:12.070 --> 00:30:17.509
They were friends with somebody that didn't exist in you know, in reality.
00:30:18.150 --> 00:30:24.070
They were they were in they were friends with somebody, they were friends and loved somebody that was an illusion.
00:30:24.710 --> 00:30:24.950
Right.
00:30:25.110 --> 00:30:29.350
Well, and in some ways, they may still be trapped.
00:30:29.670 --> 00:30:45.990
They may still be clinging to what they what feel are their only options, and they may have yet to uh be able to embrace their their full truth because they're picking from the menu of choices that were assigned.
00:30:46.550 --> 00:30:46.790
Right.
00:30:46.950 --> 00:30:52.550
And I I I can see that as somebody who was raised most of my life the same as them.
00:30:52.790 --> 00:30:55.590
Like, and I don't condemn that at all.
00:30:55.910 --> 00:31:00.070
Um everybody makes their own decisions.
00:31:00.630 --> 00:31:07.670
And that just ended up where I knew that that was something that could I I could not be and be myself.
00:31:08.790 --> 00:31:10.790
So there was a decision to be made.
00:31:11.190 --> 00:31:18.390
I can remember at one point after I came out to my parents that they were like, you know, we were we were raised that this was wrong.
00:31:18.470 --> 00:31:21.830
You were talking that this is so hard because we were raised that this was wrong.
00:31:21.990 --> 00:31:26.310
And I looked at him and he said, excuse me, you raised me the same way you were raised.
00:31:26.550 --> 00:31:28.950
All my life I've been told this is wrong.
00:31:29.190 --> 00:31:33.029
And and it's it it's like something that's inside of me.
00:31:33.190 --> 00:31:37.990
I said, I was like, you know, I really don't want to hear how hard this is on you.
00:31:38.550 --> 00:31:40.310
I I don't want to hear that.
00:31:40.550 --> 00:31:46.390
I I took a stand because you have no fucking idea how hard this is.
00:31:46.950 --> 00:31:47.190
Right.
00:31:47.350 --> 00:31:55.910
And people who think I'm just making a choice off of a fad, off of something that I've watched on TV or that I've been around certain people.
00:31:57.029 --> 00:32:05.430
The anybody that would choose to make their life harder on purpose, that doesn't make sense.
00:32:05.750 --> 00:32:14.550
And I was raised in the most, if anybody was gonna be straight, it was gonna be me if we go about how you were raised.
00:32:14.630 --> 00:32:25.110
Like I was I was raised around only straight people, you know, uh small town, country, you know, that it was very conservative.
00:32:25.269 --> 00:32:30.470
And I was in church every Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, you know, youth group, everything.
00:32:30.630 --> 00:32:35.590
So if anybody was gonna like it was gonna work for they were gonna be straight, it would have been me.
00:32:35.990 --> 00:32:50.950
But of course, my mom didn't know that in elementary school, I would tell the little girls in like first, second grade that, well, you know, my name's really Nico, and um my mom just likes to dress me like a girl just so that they would kiss me.
00:32:54.230 --> 00:33:06.790
So I've known for a very long time without the verbiage for it as a young kid, but when I look back, like even a friend that I talked to, she was like, Do you remember when you used to all tell us, you know, that your name was Nico and you'd kiss the girls?
00:33:06.870 --> 00:33:08.150
I'm like, Oh yeah, totally.
00:33:08.310 --> 00:33:12.310
I wanted the girls to chase me on the part on the playground, not the boys.
00:33:12.710 --> 00:33:13.990
So it's good.
00:33:14.790 --> 00:33:16.150
Elementary school player.
00:33:16.950 --> 00:33:17.590
I know.
00:33:18.950 --> 00:33:24.230
And I told mom, I said, You didn't realize that my first crush was Claire Huxtable on the Cosby show.
00:33:25.269 --> 00:33:27.190
That was that was my awakening.
00:33:27.430 --> 00:33:30.870
So uh it's it's been there for a long time.
00:33:31.910 --> 00:33:36.230
So that leads me to to believe maybe that mom's come full circle.
00:33:36.470 --> 00:33:38.470
You can have that conversation with her.
00:33:38.790 --> 00:33:39.990
We're working on it.
00:33:40.150 --> 00:33:53.029
You know, some I I know it's uncomfortable for her, but we're while it may be uncomfortable, she lets me know, you know, that I love you unconditionally.
00:33:53.350 --> 00:33:55.110
So that's still there, you know.
00:33:55.190 --> 00:33:57.509
But I do know it's uncomfortable for her too.
00:33:57.670 --> 00:34:00.870
So I'm trying to take it.
00:34:01.269 --> 00:34:07.190
A lot has happened in five, six in the last five, six years for her to have to come to terms with.
00:34:07.350 --> 00:34:20.150
I mean, I I came out and then I brought my girlfriend there, which because I am from a small country town, my my wife is uh a woman of color.
00:34:20.469 --> 00:34:22.469
So um I bring my black.
00:34:23.029 --> 00:34:23.429
I'm sorry.
00:34:23.590 --> 00:34:31.829
I bring my black wife home to you know, her small town and and and then now I'm wearing pants and I've got you know tattoos.
00:34:31.989 --> 00:34:39.190
And um, so she's she's for all that she's been dealt in six years, she has she is gracefully handling this.
00:34:39.269 --> 00:34:39.909
We'll say that.
00:34:40.149 --> 00:34:41.750
You've you've broken all the rules.
00:34:42.069 --> 00:34:43.909
I am, I'm the worst child.
00:34:43.989 --> 00:34:45.509
It's it's so true.
00:34:45.989 --> 00:34:54.149
But even my wife says, you know, hey, slow down, Granny's still alive, don't get any more tattoos, you know, like take it easy on her, my grandmother.
00:34:54.309 --> 00:35:03.190
So um I try, but at the same time, it's like you feel this excitement for life all of a sudden because it's yours.
00:35:03.349 --> 00:35:05.509
It's not you're not living somebody else's.
00:35:05.589 --> 00:35:10.710
So you want to do all the things that you want to do and just live, you know.
00:35:10.869 --> 00:35:19.349
So I I try to be mindful of, you know, not letting my family stroke out from all the changes that they're having to deal with at once.
00:35:19.589 --> 00:35:26.389
So well, let's let's circle back and talk a little bit about your creative journey.
00:35:26.869 --> 00:35:29.429
You said that you've been creative all your life.
00:35:29.589 --> 00:35:31.269
How did that get started?
00:35:32.869 --> 00:35:37.909
You know, uh, my great-grandmother was a painter.
00:35:38.549 --> 00:35:45.750
And then my great aunt and my grandmother painted, and I grew up, you know, with their paintings were everywhere.
00:35:45.909 --> 00:35:48.149
And my great-grandmother painted on everything.
00:35:48.309 --> 00:35:53.269
It wasn't just canvas, she painted on like denim jackets and rocks.
00:35:53.429 --> 00:35:58.069
She would get rocks and paint things on rocks and um old tin cans.
00:35:58.149 --> 00:35:59.909
I mean, everything she painted on.
00:36:00.230 --> 00:36:02.469
Um, the world was her canvas.
00:36:02.789 --> 00:36:03.269
It was.
00:36:03.429 --> 00:36:07.829
And if you went into her home, I mean, everything was painted by her.
00:36:07.989 --> 00:36:17.429
And she had a store, my great-grandmother had a store when I was younger, and it was called Call Cobblestone Way, and it was full of all these little things that she painted, and she loved to paint roses.
00:36:17.750 --> 00:36:20.309
She painted roses on everything.
00:36:20.710 --> 00:36:22.549
And so I saw that.
00:36:22.789 --> 00:36:24.549
That was never my style, though.
00:36:24.710 --> 00:36:29.109
I always grew up drawing more, well, I drew a lot.
00:36:29.269 --> 00:36:36.389
I I was always into drawing and did a lot of like cartoons, animation type stuff.
00:36:36.629 --> 00:36:39.909
I could just look, you know, look at something and draw it.
00:36:40.230 --> 00:36:49.670
And um I got to wear in school when we got lockers, my friends would be, hey, can you draw me this for my locker?
00:36:49.750 --> 00:36:50.710
And I'm like, Yeah, sure.
00:36:50.869 --> 00:36:53.509
And then I got more questions for that.
00:36:53.589 --> 00:36:59.989
And then I started drawing like sports teams, logos, and all kinds of things, and everybody was loving it.
00:37:00.069 --> 00:37:04.149
And I'd have the Tasmanian devil wearing the jersey that they wanted or whatever.
00:37:04.389 --> 00:37:06.149
So I realized there was a market for it.
00:37:06.230 --> 00:37:10.149
So I'm young and I'm like, okay, I'll draw it, but you pay me 50 cents.
00:37:10.309 --> 00:37:13.670
And so then I started selling my art in elementary school.
00:37:13.750 --> 00:37:16.069
I became an entrepreneur at a very young age.
00:37:16.389 --> 00:37:17.029
Oh, loving it.
00:37:17.269 --> 00:37:17.829
Beautiful.
00:37:18.069 --> 00:37:18.309
Yeah.
00:37:18.389 --> 00:37:20.549
So that's where it all started, was all with drawing.
00:37:20.629 --> 00:37:24.710
I I drew and I've um been in music.
00:37:24.789 --> 00:37:32.069
I've been playing music and singing for 30 years, 30 years now, I guess.
00:37:32.469 --> 00:37:36.309
So um it just everything creative.
00:37:36.389 --> 00:37:42.869
I started doing murals and I started talent just oozes out of your pores, doesn't it?
00:37:43.349 --> 00:37:45.109
If it's creative, I can do it.
00:37:45.190 --> 00:37:46.069
That's what I tell everybody.
00:37:46.149 --> 00:37:51.109
It's almost like the tagline for my business now, because it's not just I don't just design logos and things.
00:37:51.190 --> 00:37:53.989
I mean if it's creative, let me try.
00:37:54.149 --> 00:37:57.190
You know, I I even if I've never done it, I can probably do it.
00:37:57.269 --> 00:37:58.789
That's how I I feel.
00:37:59.190 --> 00:38:01.109
Or I can give it a good stab.
00:38:01.269 --> 00:38:06.149
So that's great.
00:38:07.269 --> 00:38:07.989
Tell me this.
00:38:08.149 --> 00:38:14.869
I mean, with all of those things that you've done, like what are your your proudest achievements?
00:38:18.629 --> 00:38:27.269
Right now, I think I I am just a little over a year into going full-time with my design job.
00:38:27.349 --> 00:38:34.149
So I started my business full-time thanks to my wife and CFO uh funding the dream.
00:38:34.469 --> 00:38:42.309
She has the serious job between the two of us, but she said, you do this on the side for so many people and you love it so much, why don't you just go full-time?
00:38:42.389 --> 00:38:45.029
And I was like, I've had a serious job my whole life.
00:38:45.109 --> 00:38:50.069
I've I've worked in in healthcare for almost the majority of it.
00:38:50.230 --> 00:38:53.909
Um, I was in uh healthcare administration.
00:38:54.309 --> 00:38:57.589
Uh it's crazy, you know, and nothing nothing creative about that.
00:38:57.829 --> 00:39:04.309
But um I said, okay, well, you know, if you think we're good to go, then I'll I'll try it out.
00:39:04.549 --> 00:39:19.109
And um just December was one year, and then I have been announced by the Frisco Chamber of Commerce that I'm up for entrepreneur of the year at their gala this year.
00:39:19.349 --> 00:39:19.909
Good for you.
00:39:20.069 --> 00:39:22.149
And the business, the business excellence award.
00:39:22.230 --> 00:39:25.109
So that's huge for me.
00:39:25.429 --> 00:39:28.710
Oh my gosh, that is so fabulous.
00:39:29.190 --> 00:39:32.069
Because I do not feel like I have a serious job.
00:39:32.469 --> 00:39:37.029
So when they said entrepreneur of the year, I'm like, that sounds way bigger than what I do.
00:39:37.190 --> 00:39:49.269
I just I work in my office that has like toys in it, but they're they somebody sees something um and that I'm doing and appreciates it.
00:39:49.349 --> 00:39:50.309
And I I'm honored.
00:39:50.629 --> 00:39:52.710
We we have to change the narrative.
00:39:52.869 --> 00:39:54.789
You know, that comes from someplace too.
00:39:54.869 --> 00:39:56.069
There's there's programming.
00:39:56.149 --> 00:40:04.230
We we've gotten messages at an early time that creativity is for your hobby, but you need to get a real job.
00:40:04.629 --> 00:40:05.589
Exactly.
00:40:05.909 --> 00:40:13.029
And and what you're doing is a real job, or you wouldn't be getting ready to take an honor of entrepreneur of the year.
00:40:13.269 --> 00:40:13.589
Amen.
00:40:13.989 --> 00:40:14.869
I I hope so.
00:40:15.029 --> 00:40:27.829
Yeah, a three-time nominee for my first year of business is I I'm I honestly thought that they they just told me that I was nominated, that somebody had nominated me, not that I was on the list of nominees.
00:40:27.989 --> 00:40:30.949
I really just thought they were like, oh, good job, somebody nominated you.
00:40:31.029 --> 00:40:33.909
But then they put out the list and I said, Oh no, this is for real.
00:40:34.149 --> 00:40:38.309
I'm I'm up for three awards this year in my first year of business.
00:40:38.389 --> 00:40:41.509
That's just mind-blowing to me.
00:40:41.909 --> 00:40:43.190
You know, I love that.
00:40:43.349 --> 00:40:45.269
And people need to hear that.
00:40:45.909 --> 00:40:49.190
Our creative community needs to hear that.
00:40:50.549 --> 00:40:53.509
Creativity is real as anything else.
00:40:53.909 --> 00:40:56.629
It is, it's all the way we hold it in our mind.
00:40:57.269 --> 00:40:57.509
Right.
00:40:57.670 --> 00:41:04.949
There's not enough people who put it out there as this is what I do, and you know, this is my job.
00:41:05.109 --> 00:41:09.589
You know, a lot of people like to say, Oh, well, I do this, but no buts.
00:41:09.750 --> 00:41:10.710
This is what I do.
00:41:11.029 --> 00:41:25.589
And that's uh funny how and I and the biggest thing about my business is that I started off very cookie-cutter with like, this is my business, and I provide these services, the end.
00:41:26.069 --> 00:41:32.149
And then I the more I started thinking about it, I thought, well, I want my business to be me.
00:41:32.309 --> 00:41:34.389
I want my business, I want to be the brand.
00:41:34.629 --> 00:41:41.509
I don't want to create some logo that I think everybody likes, but I want everything about this business to reflect me.
00:41:41.670 --> 00:41:43.670
And so that makes me the brand.
00:41:43.909 --> 00:41:52.629
And then I started changing how I marketed my business into, hey, I'm neurodivergent and queer.
00:41:53.029 --> 00:41:54.389
Welcome to my website.
00:41:54.549 --> 00:41:56.149
You know, very like I'm here.
00:41:56.230 --> 00:41:57.190
I'm I'm very open.
00:41:57.349 --> 00:42:01.269
So you're gonna get a different experience with me than you're gonna get with just anybody else.
00:42:01.429 --> 00:42:05.269
And yes, my brain works differently, but that's a superpower at the same time.
00:42:05.349 --> 00:42:09.269
So I can probably give you something that you haven't gotten from somebody else.
00:42:09.429 --> 00:42:14.629
And ever since I started doing that, then people start showing up because they want something real.
00:42:15.269 --> 00:42:30.069
I'd like to reflect how that's that mirrors exactly what you went through when you had to go through that um whittling away of having to do what everyone expected.
00:42:30.469 --> 00:42:41.109
You know, having to be one way in church and having to drive uh an hour in any direction to go and uh wear some other mask.
00:42:42.789 --> 00:42:43.989
It's so true.
00:42:44.389 --> 00:42:50.389
I think it's so amazing that you said out loud it's a superpower, because it is.
00:42:51.190 --> 00:42:55.750
And I think a lot of neurodivergent people don't see it that way.
00:42:56.069 --> 00:43:04.869
And it's you know, we've been having this conversation a lot lately because we want to normalize neurodivergence.
00:43:05.509 --> 00:43:11.589
You know, I I'd I wouldn't be a bit surprised if more than half of the world's population is neurodivergent.
00:43:11.829 --> 00:43:14.389
Oh, yes, we talk about like to be normal.
00:43:14.710 --> 00:43:16.389
Well, what what the hell is that?
00:43:16.549 --> 00:43:17.029
You know?
00:43:17.829 --> 00:43:18.789
Never been there.
00:43:18.949 --> 00:43:19.750
Who is she?
00:43:19.989 --> 00:43:24.230
I mean, I everything has its good and its bad.
00:43:25.029 --> 00:43:36.469
You know, every coin has two sides, and there are things that make life more challenging as a neurodivergent, and then there are things that are friggin' superpowers.
00:43:36.789 --> 00:43:37.269
Mm-hmm.
00:43:37.670 --> 00:43:39.349
You just have to lean into it.
00:43:39.589 --> 00:43:40.149
Yes.
00:43:40.389 --> 00:43:43.829
And that's kind of what I've done is just I could look at it.
00:43:44.469 --> 00:43:44.869
Exactly.
00:43:45.029 --> 00:43:50.069
I could look at it as uh my brain is it some days it doesn't work at all.
00:43:50.230 --> 00:43:51.670
I cannot make it work.
00:43:51.829 --> 00:43:58.710
Like it, the the switch is broken or something, but then some days it's just sparked and it's on fire.
00:43:58.789 --> 00:43:59.909
And it may be 3 a.m.
00:44:00.069 --> 00:44:03.029
when it comes on, but it comes on, thankfully.
00:44:03.349 --> 00:44:09.190
But it is, it's totally different the way my mind works, and it doesn't work normally.
00:44:09.349 --> 00:44:20.949
And I like that because it makes me different and it makes what I what services I provide and the products that I can offer totally different from everybody else's.
00:44:21.349 --> 00:44:23.670
Well, and because you're wearing it as an identity.
00:44:24.389 --> 00:44:30.389
I mean, your opening line on your website is, you know, hey, I'm neurodivergent and queer.
00:44:32.069 --> 00:44:34.069
That makes it more of a superpower.
00:44:34.230 --> 00:44:37.029
You're leading with that, you know, and it sets you apart.00:44:37.190 --> 00:44:42.069
I had somebody tell me one time, and I say this a lot because this left such an impression on me.00:44:42.230 --> 00:44:47.349
I don't remember who it was now, but it was somebody that was mentoring me, and they said, don't try to be the best.00:44:47.509 --> 00:44:50.549
There's only one place for the best.00:44:51.429 --> 00:44:53.109
Try to be unique.00:44:53.509 --> 00:45:01.269
Find ways to look at what everybody else in your field is doing and do something that nobody else is doing.00:45:01.349 --> 00:45:03.349
That's that's just your thing.00:45:03.589 --> 00:45:12.710
And they weren't talking about the service that I provided necessarily, you know, it was perhaps the way I provide that service.00:45:13.349 --> 00:45:13.989
Right.00:45:14.309 --> 00:45:15.909
And that's the same with me.00:45:16.230 --> 00:45:16.629
Yeah.00:45:16.869 --> 00:45:21.989
I I when people look at my website, they hear my voice if they've met me.00:45:22.149 --> 00:45:23.509
It sounds just like me.00:45:23.750 --> 00:45:28.949
Everything that I do, uh, it's nothing is putting on any kind of front of professionalism.00:45:29.190 --> 00:45:31.589
This is the level of professional that you get with me.00:45:31.670 --> 00:45:35.509
And yes, I will be professional, but it only to a certain level.00:45:35.670 --> 00:45:36.389
You're gonna get me.00:45:36.469 --> 00:45:43.509
I think my website says I am the love child of Darth Vader, Tony Stark, and Deadpool.00:45:43.670 --> 00:45:45.029
Make of it what you will.00:45:45.190 --> 00:45:47.829
And that's exactly what you get with me.00:45:48.309 --> 00:45:53.429
Well, and you know, you can be professional without being polished.00:45:53.670 --> 00:45:54.389
Absolutely.00:45:54.629 --> 00:45:58.309
And I think people's part of that mask that we've all worn.00:45:58.629 --> 00:45:58.869
Right.00:45:58.949 --> 00:45:59.829
That's what people want.00:45:59.989 --> 00:46:00.869
They want something real.00:46:01.029 --> 00:46:06.230
If they wanted just somebody that was completely polished, then they could find anybody.00:46:06.789 --> 00:46:16.230
But I just have to call out that the thing that all of those have in common is that they were deeply wounded.00:46:16.710 --> 00:46:25.029
They were scarred, but they were able to overcome the things that should have killed them.00:46:27.909 --> 00:46:28.549
Wow.00:46:29.349 --> 00:46:32.549
I actually have never thought of it that way, but that is so true.00:46:32.869 --> 00:46:33.989
Like every one of them.00:46:34.149 --> 00:46:34.949
And that's me.00:46:35.190 --> 00:46:35.670
Yeah.00:46:36.469 --> 00:46:37.109
Wow.00:46:37.989 --> 00:46:39.429
Wait till I tell my wife that.00:46:39.589 --> 00:46:40.710
She's gonna love that.00:46:40.949 --> 00:46:41.909
But that's amazing.00:46:41.989 --> 00:46:43.349
That's so true.00:46:43.750 --> 00:46:45.750
I never thought of it that way.00:46:45.989 --> 00:46:49.109
But absolutely, what should have killed me?00:46:49.509 --> 00:46:52.230
Only made me stronger and more sarcastic.00:46:53.989 --> 00:46:55.029
More determined.00:46:55.349 --> 00:46:56.069
Definitely.00:46:56.230 --> 00:46:58.789
I I tell myself I'm very resilient.00:46:59.029 --> 00:47:02.069
I can I can get past anything, I can deal with anything.00:47:02.710 --> 00:47:24.309
So Nico, if you were going to speak to the part of the world out there listening that is perhaps creative, because that's our our audience, also perhaps neurodivergent, and perhaps um has has a different way of living life.00:47:24.389 --> 00:47:27.750
They don't fit into the normal boxes of he and she.00:47:28.710 --> 00:47:36.230
If you were gonna drop a little bit of wisdom on them based on your life and what you've learned, what would you say?00:47:41.029 --> 00:47:41.829
Own it.00:47:43.109 --> 00:47:50.149
Be be it, do it, don't wait for somebody else to give you permission.00:47:51.750 --> 00:47:55.509
Just lean in to everything that's you.00:47:55.750 --> 00:47:58.629
And that's when people start to come and surround you.00:47:58.789 --> 00:48:13.909
And whether it's supporting your art or your business or just friendships, once you lean into that authenticity and really drop all the walls, that's where you really draw people in.00:48:14.309 --> 00:48:24.149
Where you think that you're putting up walls to protect yourself, if you drop them, you actually create more of a barrier of people around you, which is more people fighting for you.00:48:24.389 --> 00:48:26.710
So that's beautifully said.00:48:27.190 --> 00:48:37.190
And if you do need permission, Nico, Dwight, and I are now right in this moment giving you permission.00:48:37.989 --> 00:48:38.869
Approved.00:48:40.149 --> 00:48:40.710
There you go.00:48:41.349 --> 00:48:41.989
Absolutely.00:48:42.149 --> 00:48:49.509
I did, I started a community online called Creative Rebellion, and it's for those creatives who are different.00:48:49.750 --> 00:48:51.509
And I that's what I always tell them.00:48:51.589 --> 00:49:00.710
If you need a space that you feel completely comfortable with just throwing out ideas or just somebody just to hype you up and gas you up, because I'm so good at that.00:49:00.789 --> 00:49:02.469
I love to gas people up.00:49:02.789 --> 00:49:11.109
Then, you know, find your community, find the people who are going to support you and just be your hype people.00:49:11.190 --> 00:49:18.230
You know, that's that's what all you need because that's when you start to thrive, is when you have people who like super support you no matter what.00:49:19.349 --> 00:49:20.869
I agree completely.00:49:21.109 --> 00:49:32.789
It's it's such a such a blessing to be surrounded with people that just see you and hear you and accept you and celebrate you.00:49:33.029 --> 00:49:33.429
Right.00:49:33.589 --> 00:49:36.629
And it's a relief to you if you haven't had that before.00:49:36.789 --> 00:49:43.349
Once you start to feel that, then it's like you're breathing like good air for the first time.00:49:43.750 --> 00:49:44.389
Yeah.00:49:44.949 --> 00:49:51.589
Well, and you need that community to override that inner critic that we all carry.00:49:52.309 --> 00:49:52.949
You do.00:49:53.190 --> 00:49:53.589
Yeah.00:49:53.750 --> 00:49:58.469
You don't want your voice to be the only one that you hear, because it's usually not good.00:49:58.549 --> 00:50:00.549
At least for mine, I need to hear from other people.00:50:00.710 --> 00:50:02.469
And that's when it makes sense to me.00:50:02.549 --> 00:50:08.469
I'm like, oh, okay, so maybe it is good if the people I trust the most are telling me that it's good.00:50:08.629 --> 00:50:10.869
So find those people that you can trust.00:50:11.190 --> 00:50:16.069
I I love to bounce things off of people around me that I that I trust.00:50:16.309 --> 00:50:20.549
It's the to me the the best form of communication.00:50:20.710 --> 00:50:33.829
I I've never been one to really write in a journal, but if I can sit down with somebody that I trust and just open up all the answers that I'm searching for come to me in that conversation, even if they just listen.00:50:34.149 --> 00:50:34.629
Mm-hmm.00:50:34.869 --> 00:50:35.190
Right.00:50:35.429 --> 00:50:38.069
I've always loved having those deep.00:50:38.469 --> 00:50:43.989
I'm I'm a really uh lighthearted and really chill but fun person.00:50:44.149 --> 00:50:52.309
But I love having those deep conversations with people who I feel like I can just throw around ideas and we're both kind of contributing something.00:50:52.389 --> 00:50:53.429
It helps you grow.00:50:53.589 --> 00:50:57.989
You stay stagnant if you don't have that kind of relationship with someone.00:50:58.549 --> 00:51:01.509
You you have a good head on your shoulders.00:51:01.829 --> 00:51:08.069
Do others tell you that maybe, but not enough.00:51:08.309 --> 00:51:10.309
Not enough for me to believe it yet.00:51:10.710 --> 00:51:18.230
You you your conversation, your body language is very grounded feeling to me.00:51:18.389 --> 00:51:21.509
What's coming off of you feels very grounded.00:51:22.309 --> 00:51:22.629
Yeah.00:51:22.869 --> 00:51:23.589
I appreciate that.00:51:23.670 --> 00:51:24.629
That means a lot to me.00:51:24.869 --> 00:51:26.549
You know, who doesn't need grounding?00:51:26.710 --> 00:51:33.670
So, and and you know, if anybody's listening right now, I'm sure they're feeling more grounded just from being in your presence.00:51:34.309 --> 00:51:35.190
I hope so.00:51:35.349 --> 00:51:46.549
That's my goal, is uh my wife sometimes calls me gay Jesus because she says that I'm the person who wants to find everybody and support them.00:51:46.789 --> 00:51:49.509
If you don't have a support system, then I'm gonna be that person.00:51:49.589 --> 00:51:52.309
And she's like, you're gonna do these things and open yourself up.00:51:52.389 --> 00:51:56.549
And she goes, and people are just gonna come to you because they feel comfortable.00:51:56.629 --> 00:51:58.149
And I was like, I hope so.00:51:58.549 --> 00:51:59.670
I that's what I want.00:51:59.829 --> 00:52:10.389
I it's the reason I've put myself in certain situations in the community, not because necessarily I feel like I'm the best person for it, but because I'm the only person that looks like me.00:52:10.789 --> 00:52:15.269
And I want to be that person that when somebody comes through the door, they see somebody that's different.00:52:15.349 --> 00:52:17.349
And I'm like, hey, you're welcome.00:52:17.429 --> 00:52:18.389
It's safe, you're good.00:52:18.549 --> 00:52:22.869
You know, I look, I I'm used to being the person that looks completely different from everybody else.00:52:23.190 --> 00:52:26.230
Me at women enhancing business meetings.00:52:27.509 --> 00:52:29.429
At first I was like, why are you inviting me?00:52:29.509 --> 00:52:31.829
That doesn't even feel like, but they do.00:52:31.989 --> 00:52:38.549
But I I said, I well, you need somebody that looks like me because somebody else that looks like me might want to join one day.00:52:39.109 --> 00:52:40.469
That's that's brilliant.00:52:40.629 --> 00:52:42.949
I I think it's cool that they're inviting you.00:52:43.190 --> 00:52:43.670
Mm-hmm.00:52:44.230 --> 00:52:45.509
Well, I make them love me.00:52:45.670 --> 00:52:46.629
That's the whole goal.00:52:46.789 --> 00:53:02.949
Like you may not have one other person in the LGBTQ community, but I'm gonna make you love me so that you have a face on it and that you can see the humanity in it and oh, well, somebody I love has that kind of lifestyle.00:53:03.029 --> 00:53:05.429
Well, it's not, it's not what everybody's saying.00:53:05.509 --> 00:53:06.469
I know that person.00:53:06.629 --> 00:53:13.909
You know, I want to be that physical, you know, person in their life that says, okay, well, maybe my thoughts before were a little different.00:53:13.989 --> 00:53:17.750
And I I need to kind of calibrate that a little bit.00:53:18.149 --> 00:53:20.309
Yeah, people fear what they don't understand.00:53:20.549 --> 00:53:37.909
And if there is a a reference that's something that's close, something familiar, someone that they know, someone who they've touched, then it becomes that much harder to just go with the herd and think that it's okay to hate someone.00:53:38.309 --> 00:53:38.789
Right.00:53:39.029 --> 00:53:39.349
Yeah.00:53:39.750 --> 00:53:46.069
Give give it some humanity, and then your thinking changes, which I'm all for.00:53:46.230 --> 00:53:47.750
I love to make them love me.00:53:48.069 --> 00:53:50.789
It sounds like you have a strong community around you.00:53:51.190 --> 00:53:54.869
I'm working on it, I'm building it slowly but surely.00:53:55.190 --> 00:53:56.149
Oh, I love that.00:53:56.309 --> 00:54:03.190
You know, instead of just showing up to something that somebody else has created, you're creating something that's your community.00:54:03.349 --> 00:54:04.469
That's so empowering.00:54:05.190 --> 00:54:05.670
Mm-hmm.00:54:06.149 --> 00:54:13.429
Everything I do, like people in my home that come into my home, this these are the people I know that I can be a hundred percent Neko.00:54:14.710 --> 00:54:17.509
There's this is my community, that can be real.00:54:17.989 --> 00:54:22.629
I I don't have time to waste to be masked up anymore.00:54:22.869 --> 00:54:24.549
So it's very important.00:54:24.789 --> 00:54:30.389
You know, when you you when you lay the mask down, you realize how draining it was.00:54:31.029 --> 00:54:31.509
Definitely.00:54:31.750 --> 00:54:32.869
You know, we weren't mental health.00:54:33.589 --> 00:54:35.670
Like we don't get it until we lay it down.00:54:35.829 --> 00:54:36.389
We lay it down.00:54:36.469 --> 00:54:39.349
It was like, oh my god, that was heavy.00:54:39.670 --> 00:54:40.149
Mm-hmm.00:54:40.789 --> 00:54:41.989
Very much so.00:54:42.789 --> 00:54:49.029
It's so nice to be kind of loosey-goosey now and free from all of that.00:54:51.349 --> 00:54:53.909
Nico, this has been an amazing conversation.00:54:54.230 --> 00:54:55.509
I've enjoyed it so much.00:54:55.670 --> 00:54:57.269
I'm so glad that you guys had me on.00:54:57.429 --> 00:54:58.710
Yeah, this has been wonderful.00:54:59.029 --> 00:55:04.389
I I just, you know, once again want to acknowledge you for coming in with such openness.00:55:04.629 --> 00:55:10.789
You know, you you have trusted Dwight and I with, you know, the very intimate details of your life.00:55:10.869 --> 00:55:12.549
And we feel very, very honored.00:55:12.710 --> 00:55:18.869
And and I know that um there are many listeners out there that are gonna gain value of what you've shared.00:55:19.190 --> 00:55:19.989
I hope so.00:55:20.149 --> 00:55:21.109
Even if one.00:55:21.349 --> 00:55:21.589
Yes.00:55:23.429 --> 00:55:30.069
You know, we never know where that trickle effect, that tri, you know, that little ripple effect is is gonna go.00:55:31.670 --> 00:55:33.190
Sometimes we get to see it.00:55:33.269 --> 00:55:43.109
Every once in a while, if we're lucky, we get to see somebody that we impacted that just lets us know that they impacted us and we would have never known otherwise, but um, which is a super treat.00:55:44.149 --> 00:55:44.789
Huge.00:55:45.349 --> 00:55:45.989
Huge.00:55:46.629 --> 00:55:48.230
I can only imagine.00:55:50.469 --> 00:55:58.309
Well, as we draw to a close, is there anything that you'd like to share with our listeners that we haven't had a chance to cover?00:56:00.069 --> 00:56:01.109
I don't think so.00:56:01.269 --> 00:56:06.549
I think it's I I just love the fact that above Maddox's head, we see authentic.00:56:06.629 --> 00:56:11.029
And I think that's pretty much the theme of what this whole thing is about.00:56:11.109 --> 00:56:14.869
And I've told you before, but my 2026 word is authentic.00:56:15.029 --> 00:56:17.670
That's yeah, that's what I'm striving for.00:56:18.069 --> 00:56:21.029
It's my 26, 25, 24, 23.00:56:21.509 --> 00:56:27.029
That's been up there for a while, and it's amazing how many comments I get on that when we get on Zoom.00:56:27.909 --> 00:56:30.549
Always people say, oh my God, I love that.00:56:31.349 --> 00:56:35.829
Yeah, everything that I'm doing, I'm just being Niko.00:56:36.389 --> 00:56:39.909
So everybody's just whatever you this is what you see, this is what you get.00:56:40.230 --> 00:56:42.949
And it's nice.00:56:43.190 --> 00:56:43.589
I like it.00:56:43.989 --> 00:56:47.109
It's the gift to you and to everybody else.00:56:47.909 --> 00:56:49.029
Absolutely.00:56:49.509 --> 00:56:50.789
At least we hope so.
