#089: The Creative Fear Behind “Who Do You Think You Are?”

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Dwight: Welcome to another edition of Community and Becoming from For the Love of Creatives. I'm your solo host, Dwight, and I am glad that you decided to join me on this journey. Today, we're going to tackle a pretty meaty question.

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Dwight: What if the little you're doing right now is actually the most honest version of your art?

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Dwight: You keep wondering if your work is a real contribution, or just content that evaporates by noon.

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Dwight: And it's a real struggle. I come to this thinking because of a couple of things that I'm really chewing on right now. I recently read Eric Zimmer's book, A Little by Little, A Little Becomes a Lot.

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Dwight: And I'm in the process of reading Why the Arts Matter, How Art Shapes Our Thinking, Identity, and Wellbeing.

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Dwight: The first of those books.

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Dwight: is the intersection of a whole lot of things that really turned me on. And it's not really something that's focused on the arts per se, but it really dives deep into a lot of the topics of

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Dwight: ancient wisdom, philosophy, and some of the insights that come from people that want to make a change by going through recovery. If you don't know Eric Zimmer's story, he gets very intimate and personal and opens with

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Dwight: how he had… he hit a rock bottom. He was a heroin addict.

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Dwight: And for a long time, he battled with heroin and alcoholism.

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Dwight: And it was a very rough.

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Dwight: rough thing for him. He also talks about going through a divorce and figuring out co-parenting. Anyway, I'm not giving anything away by sharing all of this, but if you know anything about what Eric Zimmer puts into the world, he's got a wonderful show, The One You Feed podcast. It's…

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Dwight: Excellent. Where he has great conversations and talks a lot about the struggles that come from

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Dwight: trying to make a positive change. Build good habits, and just be a good human.

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Dwight: Anyway, go to Eric Zimmer for… for that.

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Dwight: The… the other… Volume is something that's really close to people who've enjoyed the conversations on this podcast.

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Dwight: It was written by someone who has worked in the brain sciences, and someone that's worked as a philosopher.

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Dwight: And… The intersection of those fields is so relevant

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Dwight: Because what I love is they package things that are weighty, really meaty, carry a whole lot of sway in academic circles, but package it in a way that is accessible.

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Dwight: And it's very easy for you to pull on the thread and see the value of the arts as they present them. And what I love is how they're not afraid to get granular about all of the different aspects of the arts that…

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Dwight: that have value, and they… well, they talk in depth about what that actually means. There are lots of ways that we can define value, and again, I… I won't…

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Dwight: do a book report here, but I'm just saying that there's a lot about what they offer that excites me.

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Dwight: But… what I'd say is central to both of those… those works is how…

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Dwight: it forced me to look at how I could look at some of the things that I do And…

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Dwight: wonder if it even matters, if there's any significance to what I'm doing, or if there's any deeper meaning. What's it all for?

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Dwight: And I know that we all have those moments where we just wonder if maybe we've been steered down a wrong path, or if we're wasting our time, if we're doing the right thing.

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Dwight: And I think that just comes with…

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Dwight: the territory. It's a part of the learning process.

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Dwight: And it's, a necessary… Struggle on the path to mastery for anything.

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Dwight: And I can share with you a moment when my work felt too small, or I felt like I was going in the wrong direction. And I know that in the past, I've picked on what it's like to work on this show, having that be a primary example and having it be relatable.

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Dwight: But I'll pick on a different realm for just a minute.

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Dwight: I remember what it was like to be tasked with something that I had never seen before.

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Dwight: And actually, I was on a plane getting ready to go to an assignment where I was going to work with a new client that I hadn't ever worked with before, and I'd be there for a week.

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Dwight: And I was told that I needed to figure out a really… involved financial concept.

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Dwight: It had to do with configuring software in a specific way, and having to deal with a very complex process.

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Dwight: And I was told that I had the, the plane ride that figured out.

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Dwight: And… when I was first presented this, I just told what the overall concept was.

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Dwight: I thought, there's just no way. Like, this is… Impossible!

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Dwight: But what I didn't appreciate at the time was…

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Dwight: despite the fact that I was studying up on the way there, you know, whatever I got in the flight, and the lag time for getting all settled at the site.

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Dwight: I actually knew a bit more than The client knew going in.

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Dwight: And I'm reminded of something very handy that

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Dwight: I always like to pull out. There's a famous MLK quote.

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Dwight: That, the gist of it is…

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Dwight: You do not have to illuminate the entire staircase.

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Dwight: To take the first step.

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Dwight: And… that's a…

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Dwight: a powerful realization. It's that whole thing with eating the elephant. You can only do it one bite at a time.

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Dwight: And so, I have this appreciation for

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Dwight: The value of having what might seem like an insignificant amount of work

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Dwight: But as long as it's something that moves you in the direction of

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Dwight: Completing the entire task, then that little bit, that one drop in the ocean

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Dwight: Is enough to actually move you toward doing great things.

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Dwight: Not everything can be…

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Dwight: the domino that makes everything fall. I would say that there's an element of needing to practice to…

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Dwight: Have several smaller attempts before we have something that's going to amount in orchestrating great efforts that make a whole bunch of things happen.

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Dwight: We've got to be willing to do some things wrong.

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Dwight: And I get that there are those moments when

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Dwight: People who are a little short-sighted might think that

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Dwight: That exploration is a luxury they don't have.

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Dwight: But… I'll… I'll tell ya.

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Dwight: I certainly appreciate when someone can Help me out, speaking…

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Dwight: From experience, because they know the things that can go wrong.

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Dwight: And sometimes the only way that you get to learn those things is you make the mistakes. You have the fail, and you learn from it.

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Dwight: We would all love it if there was just some magical manual that just outlined everything.

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Dwight: But there's also… aspects of…

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Dwight: Just what it is to be a flesh-and-blood being, where the only way we learn not to mess with the hot stove is we… you gotta touch it once.

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Dwight: I've done it. I've… I've got… I had the… the burns on my fingers. There's…

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Dwight: I… I don't know if I feel okay sharing this, but I will anyway. I remember…

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Dwight: having an experience as a child, maybe a child who should have been old enough to know better, a little older and wiser. There was a time when cars had cigarette lighters in them.

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Dwight: And I know it's kind of hard to believe, but…

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Dwight: In this world where cars had these magical

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Dwight: Heating elements that were available at the push of a button to light cigarettes.

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Dwight: I was fascinated by that whole concept. I didn't understand how it is that something would

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Dwight: pop out and glow red, and then be hot enough to light a cigarette. But all other times, it was…

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Dwight: Cool enough to touch.

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Dwight: I couldn't wrap my head around it, so… I had to find out.

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Dwight: It was pushed in.

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Dwight: It did its thing, it popped out.

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Dwight: And I just wanted to touch the red part and see what was going on, and oh my goodness, my finger stuck to it, and it was really hot, and I pulled it off, and a little bit of skin with it, and I had this…

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Dwight: Weird little bullseye scar on the end of my fingertip for about a week.

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Dwight: But… I learned something from that incident.

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Dwight: I learned to trust

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Dwight: When… if something is hot enough to light a cigarette, it's probably too hot to handle.

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Dwight: Anyway, that's an example of my learning from some pretty hard experience.

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Dwight: I'm sure that there are some very practical explanations for that, but I guess one thing I took away from it was

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Dwight: I paid a little bit more attention whenever I would see a sign that said, caution, hot.

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Dwight: I… I have an aversion to… to getting burned.

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Dwight: And so I try to live my life on the straight and narrow, and try to avoid things that might get a little too hot.

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Dwight: Whenever we're working on something that's…

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Dwight: Really, core to who we are, or we think the stakes are high.

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Dwight: It's easy for self-doubt to go along for the ride and ask us, well, who do you think you are to try that?

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Dwight: And… I get it.

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Dwight: Whenever we developed That dialogue of…

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Dwight: who do you think you are? It may echo in the voice of childhood bullies, but it's really an onboard persona that's there to protect us from falling flat on our face, or doing something that's going to embarrass us.

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Dwight: It was there to protect us, but…

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Dwight: If you've lived for any amount of time.

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Dwight: I'm sure that you've outgrown whatever phase you were in where you needed that protection.

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Dwight: And you gotta be willing to be bad at something.

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Dwight: In order to get good.

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Dwight: And so, I hope that that's a little pearl that you'll take with you.

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Dwight: In whatever it is that you're doing.

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Dwight: I want you to hear my voice encouraging you.

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Dwight: if you ever find yourself in that space of thinking, oh, this… this is gonna be hard, or I… I don't think that I can…

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Dwight: do this in a way that I'll be proud of. I'm not sure if I'm good enough.

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Dwight: That's exactly the reason that you need to try.

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Dwight: The only way that you'll get better is if you're willing to do bad.

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Dwight: N. Okay.

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Dwight: Look at… look at whatever it is that you do.

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Dwight: And the after is better than not having attended.

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Dwight: You've grown by that much, and that's… that's an accomplishment, and I'll be there to cheer for you.

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Dwight: Whenever we hear those voices that say that we're not enough, or, you know, we need to step away from the edge.

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Dwight: I want you to bear in mind that every time you do that, you're…

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Dwight: Comfort zone actually shrinks, and it'll get to the point where

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Dwight: You're gonna be stuck in a very small…

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Dwight: Very uneventful existence where you don't want to try anything.

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Dwight: And… I'll share with you something about me getting out of my per… my own comfort zone.

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Dwight: By the time you're hearing this, I will have gone and done some brave things on the water. I did not grow up as a water person. Sure, I went to lakes and went to the coast.

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Dwight: I went to the Gulf Coast in Texas as a kid, and… and did things. And I also had some pretty bad experiences doing it. I remember stepping on a beach and having

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Dwight: something in a shell, or something that… that bit off a chunk of the bottom of my foot, and not having a good time, because I had sand and an open wound, and it was terrible. Terrible. I hated it!

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Dwight: And it kind of soured experiences that would have otherwise been a fun time and summer, but…

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Dwight: I digress. As an adult, and I mean as of just a few weeks ago in the summertime.

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Dwight: I went out to have an adventure with some friends where the thing on offer was water skiing. I had never water skied before.

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Dwight: Technically, I didn't actually pop up on the skis this time, but…

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Dwight: I got out in the water, I made several attempts.

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Dwight: My middle-aged body rebelled against me at several points. I had a mysterious cramp in my shoulders, and I couldn't control myself in the water to get exactly where I wanted, but here's my point.

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Dwight: I went out and I tried. It wasn't until I got one of those middle-aged signals, in one of the attempts to come up… well, I guess I did come up for almost a second.

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Dwight: And the ski fell off, and so I had to let go of the rope and fall in the water, because…

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Dwight: I, definitely was not ready to go off on a single ski, and I was not sure how we would find the ski that I would have left behind otherwise.

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Dwight: But you hear what I'm saying?

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Dwight: By the time you hear this.

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Dwight: I expect that I will have had a successful attempt at water skiing.

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Dwight: And I anticipate that I… it'll only get better.

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Dwight: But I had to be willing to make a complete fool of myself, or…

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Dwight: I guess, again, no one's judging me. There wasn't a panel of people on boats with scorecards judging every aspect of what I was doing.

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Dwight: But I knew that it didn't come as easily to me as other people that I was out on the water with.

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Dwight: But I was okay.

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Dwight: going out and trying. And thankfully, I was with supportive people that wanted me to succeed.

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Dwight: I'll bet.

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Dwight: That in anything that you're doing.

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Dwight: You've got your chairing section, too.

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Dwight: Maybe it's not… they're just not vocal enough for you to know about it.

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Dwight: But you can always reach out to someone and ask for a little bit of support.

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Dwight: You can ask for their opinion, or ask for an angle.

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Dwight: And you're doing them a solid by giving them a chance to weigh in on what it is that you're doing. Because I'll bet that there are people who are invested in your success.

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Dwight: Now, here's the thing.

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Dwight: Art's in everything that we see.

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Dwight: And if you approach the mundane as an opportunity

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Dwight: To have a conversation with art.

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Dwight: You're inviting yourself to have all of the gifts that come from being more arts-aware.

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Dwight: And by that, I… one of the things that I'll call out that the authors that I mentioned before.

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Dwight: laid out case after case for is that it is going to make it so that you can see things that others can't.

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Dwight: Not because they don't care, but because… Maybe their attention is…

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Dwight: Too locked in on trying to look at Specific things that might be… reasons for

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Dwight: Alert or danger. And they can't see the small details, the things in the negative space.

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Dwight: Other angles that they can look at things at, from…

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Dwight: And it's amazing when we think about just how…

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Dwight: Just how much of the world that we

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Dwight: Have to tune out in order to stay sane.

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Dwight: But if you have, A way of approaching

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Dwight: Everything that you're doing from an art angle.

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Dwight: And… it opens up a new way of experiencing everything. It can make it to where Things that are…

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Dwight: Routine tasks where you kind of tune out.

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Dwight: become… Meditative experiences that you get to fully embody.

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Dwight: And… Show up for in a way that They become the main event.

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Dwight: It doesn't matter if it's The simple act of washing dishes, folding laundry.

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Dwight: You can do it in a way that is beautiful and meaningful.

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Dwight: And in a way that allows you to savor the time that you're engaged in the act.

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Dwight: And it will translate into other things.

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Dwight: You… you will be able to carry that level of attention.

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Dwight: Into other things where most people Allow themselves to… be completely… Absent. Asleep.

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Dwight: Not really behind the wheel.

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Dwight: Scary thing to think about, but…

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Dwight: If you've ever had one of those experiences where you find yourself

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Dwight: fully present at point A, and then…

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Dwight: fully present at point B, and not knowing what happened in between.

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Dwight: I get it. It's the automatic machinery in your brain makes it so that you can check out and do certain things, but I gotta tell ya.

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Dwight: Automobiles can be some dangerous machinery. They can do a lot of damage.

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Dwight: I think that it's in… Driving a car is something that deserves…

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Dwight: A higher level of attention and focus.

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Dwight: The life you save might be your own.

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Dwight: Where in your creative life Are you quietly…

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Dwight: Doing the work and calling it not enough, because…

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Dwight: It doesn't look flashy enough. It's not big and shiny enough for you yet.

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Dwight: If you think about How it is that you can make it enough.

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Dwight: How it is that you might be able to reframe it to where That.

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Dwight: Can be more of a main event instead of just something that you endure.

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Dwight: It's amazing how your whole life can shift.

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Dwight: I love…

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Dwight: Asking for you to engage in one tiny experiment whenever we have these little conversations where it's just us.

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Dwight: And so I'd like for you to engage in one that I call One tile mosaic.

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Dwight: I want you to pick one small piece of creative work.

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Dwight: It… and it doesn't have to be anything…

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Dwight: special, or meaningful to anyone but you. It could be as small as a sketch, or a…

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Dwight: A draft of something that you want to work on.

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Dwight: I want you to get comfortable with Sitting with a blank page.

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Dwight: But… I don't want to put any frame around it. I…

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Dwight: I want you to choose your own adventure here.

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Dwight: Name whatever it is that you're going to work on, and… just… Write a one-line title.

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Dwight: That frames it as art.

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Dwight: Not trash.

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Dwight: Not something that you… just put aside.

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Dwight: Give it reverence.

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Dwight: Savor it. Be in the moment with it.

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Dwight: Now, here's… here's where it gets hard.

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Dwight: I want you to share it with one trusted person.

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Dwight: Or keep it, but log it.

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Dwight: in… A little becomes a lot list, so your brain…

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Dwight: Will appreciate it, and you'll get to see it compounding.

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Dwight: There's a… Funny phrase in appreciative inquiry circles.

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Dwight: What we appreciate.

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Dwight: appreciates.

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Dwight: And I'd love for this to be…

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Dwight: A little experiment where you get to feel that glow-up effect.

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Dwight: your imposter brain is going to want to poo-poo this like crazy. It's going to say, oh, this is pointless, or it's self-indulgent.

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Dwight: Remember, your imposter brain, your… Saboteurs, they're there to protect you.

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Dwight: But I want you to put your grown-up pants on and work past them. That's a sign that you're… you're actually growing past your edge. That shrinking comfort zone that I talked about, you're pushing past it. You're making it so that

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Dwight: You can do something, Beyond what it is that's… Safe and… and simple.

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Dwight: I would love for you to share

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Dwight: Whatever it is that you choose as your one-tile mosaic.

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Dwight: with the For the Love of Creatives community. You can post it on social and tag For the Love of Creatives.

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Dwight: Doesn't matter the platform. Tagging us will make it so that it comes into our feed.

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Dwight: If you're enjoying this conversation, I would love for you to check out others that we have in the For the Love of Creatives feed.

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Dwight: And… if… You need someone to, talk to about a way that you can make your little

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Dwight: Become a lot.

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Dwight: I try to be very easy to… to contact. You can…

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Dwight: reach out to me, and I'd be happy to… to be your thinking partner.

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Dwight: I've enjoyed having you along for this edition of Community and Becoming, For the Love of Creatives.

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Dwight: And I look forward to Being with you on the next episode.