#086: Why Your Team Keeps Nodding and Nothing Changes

1
00:00:02.070 --> 00:00:10.980
Dwight: If you lead people, you've probably been in an offsite where everyone nods, the slides look great, And then…

2
00:00:11.430 --> 00:00:14.260
Dwight: Nothing really changes back at the office.

3
00:00:15.320 --> 00:00:19.179
Dwight: Hi, I'm Dwight with for the love of creatives.

4
00:00:21.460 --> 00:00:26.380
Dwight: I want you to think about the things that are at stake when you go to these offsites.

5
00:00:27.710 --> 00:00:29.869
Dwight: you have… time.

6
00:00:30.110 --> 00:00:31.030
Dwight: Money.

7
00:00:31.370 --> 00:00:32.910
Dwight: emotional energy.

8
00:00:33.550 --> 00:00:35.269
Dwight: In the head column.

9
00:00:35.740 --> 00:00:38.919
Dwight: And then there's the culture you're trying to build.

10
00:00:39.880 --> 00:00:45.609
Dwight: You you have your values, the safety, creativity, honesty.

11
00:00:46.390 --> 00:00:49.210
Dwight: Those are more in the heart space.

12
00:00:50.800 --> 00:00:54.570
Dwight: Today… I want to share what actually helps group.

13
00:00:54.920 --> 00:00:57.559
Dwight: Helps a group think together.

14
00:00:57.840 --> 00:01:00.609
Dwight: Be honest together and.

15
00:01:00.710 --> 00:01:05.630
Dwight: Have a gathering with commitments they're proud to follow through on.

16
00:01:05.730 --> 00:01:09.300
Dwight: Drawn straight from what we do at For the Love of Creatives.

17
00:01:10.940 --> 00:01:13.070
Dwight: Every leader in the room.

18
00:01:13.230 --> 00:01:15.129
Dwight: Is on a creative journey, too.

19
00:01:15.300 --> 00:01:19.740
Dwight: I'm a firm believer that leadership is a form of creativity.

20
00:01:20.260 --> 00:01:26.749
Dwight: and for that reason I can draw a straight line to my creative journey framework.

21
00:01:27.150 --> 00:01:29.500
Dwight: Some leaders are in doubt.

22
00:01:30.190 --> 00:01:33.740
Dwight: You know, they're the ones that ask, well, am I a real leader?

23
00:01:34.230 --> 00:01:36.110
Dwight: Am. Am I really up to this?

24
00:01:37.440 --> 00:01:40.090
Dwight: Some leaders are awakening.

25
00:01:40.930 --> 00:01:45.039
Dwight: They have the realization, my voice matters.

26
00:01:45.230 --> 00:01:47.940
Dwight: Some are an emerging voice.

27
00:01:48.180 --> 00:01:52.769
Dwight: They're sharing more, but they're still vulnerable, and some are more authentic.

28
00:01:53.070 --> 00:01:54.890
Dwight: They are rooted.

29
00:01:55.000 --> 00:01:57.259
Dwight: Leading from who they are.

30
00:01:58.100 --> 00:02:04.840
Dwight: If you don't design for that reality, most off-sites only reach a fraction of the room.

31
00:02:06.110 --> 00:02:09.830
Dwight: There are 3 things every meaningful offsite needs.

32
00:02:10.830 --> 00:02:17.919
Dwight: and I'll cover them here at the top, and I'll get a little more into them. First, st real check-ins, not small talk.

33
00:02:18.330 --> 00:02:21.890
Dwight: Next, the conversations that we're not having.

34
00:02:22.670 --> 00:02:26.540
Dwight: And finally, commitments with witnesses.

35
00:02:26.840 --> 00:02:28.280
Dwight: So let's unpack them.

36
00:02:28.720 --> 00:02:48.609
Dwight: a real check in instead of polite small talk. People need a way to arrive as humans, not job titles, not positions in the organization, not trying to figure out where they are in the hierarchy and figuring out how it is that they need to show up because they got to be really nice because someone could do something for them. No.

37
00:02:48.870 --> 00:02:53.590
Dwight: all of that has to stop. Do you have a meaningful gathering.

38
00:02:55.330 --> 00:03:02.650
Dwight: in our live gatherings, we do something that makes it really obvious that I take into my offsites.

39
00:03:02.780 --> 00:03:21.749
Dwight: We insist that everyone wears name tags, and that sends a subtle message that we are people first. And another way that we set the room is we get people to focus on something that isn't related to the enterprise, to what it is that they're doing directly.

40
00:03:21.750 --> 00:03:26.159
Dwight: because we want to get them out of that space of strategizing and

41
00:03:26.340 --> 00:03:29.859
Dwight: Interrupt the pattern and make it so that they show up as real people.

42
00:03:30.710 --> 00:03:35.419
Dwight: You'll see this if you listen to things in our podcast feed.

43
00:03:35.490 --> 00:03:54.420
Dwight: Where we talk to people and get them to name their fears, their hopes, talk about their internal weather. We get people to share a lot of the things that are the highs. So we stay on the surface there, but then we go deep into their valleys. We want to understand their pain and struggle.

44
00:03:54.680 --> 00:04:01.980
Dwight: Some of this translates in a way that for other creatives that might be listening, they get a sense that, oh, wait.

45
00:04:02.460 --> 00:04:05.909
Dwight: They're… they went through this, too. I'm not alone.

46
00:04:06.200 --> 00:04:10.679
Dwight: And we need that in the rooms where we bring people together as well.

47
00:04:12.650 --> 00:04:28.560
Dwight: moving on to the next thing which builds on the 1st we need those real check-ins and small talks to and not small talk to get to the conversations that we're not having. Create off sites. Put the avoided tensions on the table.

48
00:04:29.240 --> 00:04:33.690
Dwight: We actually point to the elephants in the room.

49
00:04:33.950 --> 00:04:44.570
Dwight: and we just drag everything out. We pull the skeletons out of the closet. We make it so that those things that are uncomfortable are given light, and they lose their power.

50
00:04:45.840 --> 00:04:56.170
Dwight: These can be things like just subtle, unspoken resentments, misaligned priorities, or just culture gaps.

51
00:04:57.260 --> 00:05:04.450
Dwight: If we look at the way that we approach these things with what you can see in this podcast feed.

52
00:05:04.850 --> 00:05:17.619
Dwight: you see how we talk about things that that make people uncomfortable in in many contexts. We get the feedback a lot of times that people share things in our conversations that they

53
00:05:17.890 --> 00:05:21.459
Dwight: I hadn't shared with anyone or hadn't thought about in years.

54
00:05:21.790 --> 00:05:25.399
Dwight: And it's because we talk about the real things that matter.

55
00:05:25.580 --> 00:05:27.850
Dwight: Whether you're a leader or a creative.

56
00:05:28.300 --> 00:05:36.430
Dwight: you are going to always have issues that are going to surround tender spots like your fear of judgment.

57
00:05:36.720 --> 00:05:42.039
Dwight: You're going to have to deal with loneliness, burnout, comparison.

58
00:05:42.890 --> 00:05:53.209
Dwight: And those are the things that really move the needle, the things that matter instead of just keeping it polite and talking about the things that are pretty on the surface.

59
00:05:54.120 --> 00:05:59.790
Dwight: So, with those two things, the real check-ins, not small talk, the conversations we're not having.

60
00:06:00.440 --> 00:06:07.420
Dwight: That brings us to a place where we can close meaningfully and talk about the commitments with witnesses.

61
00:06:08.050 --> 00:06:13.460
Dwight: Without specific commitments and relational accountability, offsites

62
00:06:13.590 --> 00:06:30.060
Dwight: Stay in the head. They they remain a nice little thing that happened and nothing of consequence changes there. There's a popular phrase making the rounds that's really cute, but also a little bit too truthful. If nothing changes.

63
00:06:30.580 --> 00:06:32.190
Dwight: Nothing changes.

64
00:06:33.400 --> 00:06:36.370
Dwight: When you look at what we do on the show.

65
00:06:37.430 --> 00:06:47.499
Dwight: and you look at some of the solo episodes where I get into the creative journey framework, I've asked our listeners to name the phase that they're in.

66
00:06:47.940 --> 00:06:50.709
Dwight: And tell one trusted person.

67
00:06:51.620 --> 00:06:58.170
Dwight: And ask for support if they want to advance beyond where they feel that they're stuck.

68
00:06:59.610 --> 00:07:02.449
Dwight: This is the same thing that I bring into rooms.

69
00:07:03.610 --> 00:07:12.639
Dwight: we get very practical and get in the weeds. We roll up the sleeves, and we do work that matters, and make it so that it's not just another

70
00:07:13.520 --> 00:07:15.389
Dwight: event that meant nothing.

71
00:07:16.060 --> 00:07:21.650
Dwight: Something that's a nice little memory, a little thing that people can talk about.

72
00:07:21.830 --> 00:07:31.460
Dwight: and have a shared experience and think it was something that happened over there. No, it's something that they are able to carry with them and build forward

73
00:07:31.660 --> 00:07:38.710
Dwight: To build the cultures that matter, to make the most of the time, money.

74
00:07:38.820 --> 00:07:46.510
Dwight: and emotional energy that they have once they're back in the trenches, And making stuff happen.

75
00:07:48.250 --> 00:07:59.869
Dwight: Now, I have been to a lot of off-sites myself, and conferences, and all kinds of gatherings, and I approach them as

76
00:08:01.420 --> 00:08:02.720
Dwight: An observer?

77
00:08:03.490 --> 00:08:09.240
Dwight: and I do my best to show up as a full participant as well. I wear both hats.

78
00:08:09.740 --> 00:08:21.190
Dwight: and there's a lot of bad things that happen in offsites, good intentions, but the execution can can just land in a way that is not optimal.

79
00:08:22.050 --> 00:08:31.800
Dwight: for one thing, People are prisoners to the culture, the prevailing culture that we have of not wanting to

80
00:08:32.260 --> 00:08:37.510
Dwight: Step outside of what would what would be considered the etiquette for that situation.

81
00:08:38.020 --> 00:08:46.639
Dwight: People want to be polite. People want to make sure that they hit all the notes. They do all the things that are expected. So there's a script that people follow.

82
00:08:46.970 --> 00:08:57.389
Dwight: And I understand and appreciate structure, but when you keep it polite and when you just stay with what's in a slide deck, no matter how polished.

83
00:08:57.950 --> 00:08:58.929
Dwight: Then, you know.

84
00:08:59.490 --> 00:09:07.149
Dwight: It makes it so that you have a barrier that prevents you from connecting with people and having people connect with each other.

85
00:09:07.480 --> 00:09:11.660
Dwight: That's what leads to those situations where people are in the room.

86
00:09:12.710 --> 00:09:15.360
Dwight: Maybe it goes dark so that we can see.

87
00:09:15.480 --> 00:09:34.340
Dwight: the crisp text on slides that someone is just mindlessly reading and signaling to everyone in the room that they need to go into Powerpoint hypnosis and leave their bodies for the time that they're being silently

88
00:09:34.700 --> 00:09:35.790
Dwight: read to.

89
00:09:37.610 --> 00:09:41.519
Dwight: And then, when everything returns back to normal.

90
00:09:44.360 --> 00:09:48.000
Dwight: People are conditioned to make it to where

91
00:09:48.490 --> 00:09:50.690
Dwight: That thing, that event never happened.

92
00:09:51.110 --> 00:09:57.349
Dwight: They they literally have time loss. It's like they black out for

93
00:09:57.580 --> 00:10:05.190
Dwight: For that moment that they were held in, in that situation where they had to listen to someone drone on in front of them.

94
00:10:08.430 --> 00:10:13.380
Dwight: We've all experienced this, and we know that we can do better, right?

95
00:10:16.300 --> 00:10:18.069
Dwight: I am involved in…

96
00:10:18.550 --> 00:10:24.890
Dwight: all kinds of training all the time. I study the way that we are, that we actually work.

97
00:10:25.040 --> 00:10:38.279
Dwight: And I have an appreciation for the systems that are in place, the model that we have of having a person standing in front of a large group of people to disseminate information quickly.

98
00:10:38.970 --> 00:10:51.099
Dwight: That's something that was born out of necessity of the war effort in World War II. We needed to mobilize troops, and we needed to train a whole new factory workforce

99
00:10:51.310 --> 00:10:54.360
Dwight: In such a way, where things were…

100
00:10:55.200 --> 00:11:07.960
Dwight: automated or systematized is the better way to express it. We needed to make it to where we could deliver the same messaging to large swaths of people

101
00:11:08.090 --> 00:11:09.590
Dwight: In a way that…

102
00:11:10.300 --> 00:11:16.090
Dwight: Made the most of the resources and efficiently got the same thing in front of people.

103
00:11:16.240 --> 00:11:17.379
Dwight: Over and over, right?

104
00:11:18.140 --> 00:11:26.009
Dwight: And we did such a good job of that that we forgot that that was just an emergency effort.

105
00:11:26.270 --> 00:11:28.880
Dwight: And that just became normal.

106
00:11:29.190 --> 00:11:32.179
Dwight: It's not normal. People don't think like that.

107
00:11:33.020 --> 00:11:41.260
Dwight: There may be one or two people that are on board when you're in a large group like that, and they can listen intently.

108
00:11:42.050 --> 00:11:46.770
Dwight: But people naturally Don't sit still in…

109
00:11:46.920 --> 00:11:53.780
Dwight: don't just absorb everything that's coming at them when it starts to look exactly the same.

110
00:11:55.350 --> 00:12:03.539
Dwight: The brain's efficient, so it's going to protect us from having to expend the kind of energy that it takes to try to build

111
00:12:03.830 --> 00:12:06.409
Dwight: Something in her mind, from…

112
00:12:06.800 --> 00:12:22.780
Dwight: a packaged presentation, or when we see someone reading in front of us, the brain's smart. It's going to say, Oh, wait! They're probably going to give me this presentation later. I can check out now. I can think about what's for dinner. I can think about what I'm going to do for my kids. I can think about what I'm going to do this weekend.

113
00:12:23.020 --> 00:12:25.179
Dwight: And I don't have to be here, really.

114
00:12:26.010 --> 00:12:28.290
Dwight: You know what I'm talking about.

115
00:12:29.560 --> 00:12:37.480
Dwight: when… I try… when I'm in a room, I try to make it so that we…

116
00:12:38.450 --> 00:12:44.000
Dwight: Change the situation just enough to where, first of all, we're going to have fun.

117
00:12:44.180 --> 00:12:45.120
Dwight: Right?

118
00:12:45.250 --> 00:12:58.899
Dwight: We are not going to be trapped in that weird dance where everyone sits politely and pretends to listen while there's someone of the room. No.

119
00:12:59.240 --> 00:13:01.980
Dwight: No, that's garbage. We don't do that.

120
00:13:02.280 --> 00:13:10.420
Dwight: we invite people to say the unsaid. I told you about the levers that I pull where we have the the real check-ins.

121
00:13:10.540 --> 00:13:16.160
Dwight: And get people to… Talk about what's unsaid.

122
00:13:16.960 --> 00:13:20.920
Dwight: That can be really hard, and here's, here's the thing about doing that.

123
00:13:21.320 --> 00:13:24.869
Dwight: When you, when we force people to go inward.

124
00:13:25.730 --> 00:13:27.159
Dwight: All of a sudden.

125
00:13:27.860 --> 00:13:40.280
Dwight: where they would have just checked out to to reserve energy and and not make it to where they were wasting their time by listening to what they were going to get later.

126
00:13:41.030 --> 00:13:43.990
Dwight: They're suddenly activated because

127
00:13:44.310 --> 00:13:53.379
Dwight: They have to think about things that really matter. They are circling their own tender spots and thinking about those things that

128
00:13:53.660 --> 00:13:56.060
Dwight: are important to them.

129
00:13:56.560 --> 00:14:04.050
Dwight: They show up, and they… They're able to get vulnerable because they see it being modeled.

130
00:14:04.190 --> 00:14:05.900
Dwight: And it's a beautiful thing.

131
00:14:06.260 --> 00:14:16.250
Dwight: And here's the… here's the deal. When you are fully activated, That's something that carries beyond just that moment.

132
00:14:16.630 --> 00:14:33.329
Dwight: It's something that sticks with you and it's something that invites transformation because instead of putting all of those uncomfortable things in the locked compartments in your head where you only visit them when you absolutely have to.

133
00:14:34.020 --> 00:14:37.149
Dwight: It brings light to them, and makes it so that

134
00:14:37.790 --> 00:14:41.829
Dwight: We can work on them, and they aren't as tender.

135
00:14:41.960 --> 00:14:46.579
Dwight: We are able to show up a bit more, and be a bit more real.

136
00:14:46.630 --> 00:15:03.149
Dwight: and actually be a bit more effective because we're we're not just trying to tiptoe around the tulips and and make it so that we are are just being as polite as possible and not trying to step on anybody's toes. We

137
00:15:03.970 --> 00:15:10.119
Dwight: Create a situation where we can show up more fully the people that we are.

138
00:15:10.590 --> 00:15:12.630
Dwight: and feel good about it.

139
00:15:13.320 --> 00:15:18.460
Dwight: I'm not saying that I'm inviting people to be rude, No, quite the opposite.

140
00:15:18.620 --> 00:15:22.380
Dwight: I'm inviting people to be vulnerable

141
00:15:23.380 --> 00:15:25.119
Dwight: In such a way that's safe.

142
00:15:26.160 --> 00:15:31.189
Dwight: So that they can show up more authentically in the spaces that matter.

143
00:15:31.420 --> 00:15:34.710
Dwight: And be a bit better at getting things done.

144
00:15:35.310 --> 00:15:37.340
Dwight: Because instead of trying to.

145
00:15:37.580 --> 00:15:45.400
Dwight: get at the edges of how it is that things need to improve. We're able to get to the point and and say what needs to be said.

146
00:15:45.690 --> 00:15:48.809
Dwight: and do it in such a way that's respectful and meaningful.

147
00:15:51.420 --> 00:15:59.279
Dwight: I mentioned before that I am always in the process of trying to build on what I have on board and make it better.

148
00:15:59.860 --> 00:16:02.760
Dwight: Right now, I'm involved in…

149
00:16:03.020 --> 00:16:11.419
Dwight: a certification effort through a group called Exchange. I'm a believer in the Exchange approach, and

150
00:16:11.910 --> 00:16:18.120
Dwight: this is… I normally try to keep things evergreen with what we do on the podcast, but

151
00:16:18.240 --> 00:16:37.910
Dwight: I'm confident that no matter when you find this, I will probably be involved in many different certification efforts through exchange as well as others. There are lots of great teachers that I draw from, and I try to approach every experience I'm in as an opportunity to learn.

152
00:16:38.080 --> 00:16:40.460
Dwight: Sometimes I learn what not to do.

153
00:16:41.110 --> 00:16:51.930
Dwight: But, for the most part, I am always trying to be the observer, the constant student.

154
00:16:52.540 --> 00:17:05.239
Dwight: As well as someone that's fully engaged, I want to play full out and always show up in a way where I get the most out of what it is that's put in front of me.

155
00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:11.419
Dwight: I would like to leave you with one thing to chew on.

156
00:17:11.859 --> 00:17:18.689
Dwight: As… You, you think about… This… Whole program, that.

157
00:17:18.980 --> 00:17:20.260
Dwight: we've had together.

158
00:17:21.099 --> 00:17:22.710
Dwight: And it's simply this.

159
00:17:22.990 --> 00:17:31.909
Dwight: A great offsite is less about what gets presented and more about what finally gets said.

160
00:17:35.950 --> 00:17:37.600
Dwight: Think about that for a moment.

161
00:17:39.320 --> 00:17:53.130
Dwight: It doesn't matter how slick things are in the presentation. It doesn't matter what kind of trickery they do or how it is that they make it so that it's…

162
00:17:54.110 --> 00:18:05.520
Dwight: a delightful experience. What really matters is the meat of the message that what really matters is how it lands. What really matters is how it changes you.

163
00:18:08.780 --> 00:18:13.470
Dwight: Now, I'd like to… leave you with a bit of reflection.

164
00:18:16.720 --> 00:18:22.030
Dwight: Think about this, and this is going to be… something that's… unique to you.

165
00:18:23.560 --> 00:18:25.900
Dwight: But seriously consider this question.

166
00:18:26.850 --> 00:18:31.069
Dwight: What's the conversation your team, your circle, your community?

167
00:18:31.450 --> 00:18:33.239
Dwight: isn't having yet.

168
00:18:35.190 --> 00:18:39.550
Dwight: Let's get one better. What would change if that conversation were on the table?

169
00:18:44.320 --> 00:18:52.029
Dwight: If you could bring that one honest question to your next meeting, your next Stand up. You're next. Staff.

170
00:18:52.340 --> 00:18:57.790
Dwight: Meeting, your next huddle What could change for you?

171
00:18:58.410 --> 00:19:00.570
Dwight: What could change for the…

172
00:19:00.710 --> 00:19:02.050
Dwight: the… the group.

173
00:19:03.270 --> 00:19:06.839
Dwight: And my goodness, let's be bold. What could change for the world?

174
00:19:09.400 --> 00:19:14.399
Dwight: If you want to hear how I hold, These kinds of conversations.

175
00:19:14.560 --> 00:19:21.089
Dwight: You can get a sample if you listen to some of the solo episodes that I've done in the feed.

176
00:19:21.440 --> 00:19:26.290
Dwight: And you can also get a flavor for how Maddox and I.

177
00:19:26.500 --> 00:19:28.180
Dwight: Try to get at

178
00:19:28.430 --> 00:19:36.520
Dwight: the things that really matter in the guest episodes. With our featured guests, we engage them in a way that

179
00:19:37.130 --> 00:19:41.310
Dwight: recognizes the the great things that they've accomplished.

180
00:19:41.470 --> 00:19:53.000
Dwight: but also get them to share from that raw place of the scrapes on the knees, the things that have been hard, those struggles.

181
00:19:53.190 --> 00:19:59.979
Dwight: that we know that everyone has had their own flavor of at some point.

182
00:20:01.700 --> 00:20:10.279
Dwight: And it's through that raw excavation that people can show up in a way that is more real.

183
00:20:10.410 --> 00:20:16.840
Dwight: That is a way that Is the fertilizer that grows.

184
00:20:16.940 --> 00:20:24.889
Dwight: the the things that become the the blooms of of tomorrow. You know the We can look at.

185
00:20:25.330 --> 00:20:27.790
Dwight: The the things that we're carrying.

186
00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:33.339
Dwight: As stepping stones to get us to the places where we want to be.

187
00:20:34.170 --> 00:20:37.519
Dwight: The things that that may be the hardest for us to deal with.

188
00:20:38.280 --> 00:20:43.010
Dwight: could be the very spark that leads to us reaching our full potential.

189
00:20:46.760 --> 00:20:52.469
Dwight: I design and facilitate gatherings for creatives and heart-centered leadership teams.

190
00:20:52.850 --> 00:20:57.800
Dwight: who want connections, honest dialogue, and clear commitments.

191
00:20:59.790 --> 00:21:03.510
Dwight: If you'd like to engage with me, I'm very easy to get a hold of.

192
00:21:04.030 --> 00:21:08.780
Dwight: There will be links in the show notes, and I'm very easy to find on socials.

193
00:21:09.070 --> 00:21:17.079
Dwight: It's been great spending this little bit of time with you on this episode of Community and Becoming for the Love of Creatives.

194
00:21:17.840 --> 00:21:21.350
Dwight: And I hope to see you in another episode on the feed.