#090: When You’re the Only One in the Room: How to Stay Yourself
Have you ever entered a room and immediately noticed that no one looked, moved, thought, or lived quite like you? Maybe you were the only artist, the only person from your background, the only queer person, the only neurodivergent person—or simply the one who felt different before anyone had said a word.
In this intimate solo conversation, Dwight speaks to the tender work of staying in the room anyway. He reflects on the instinct to scan for safety, the exhaustion of trying to make yourself more acceptable, and the small hurts that can come when people are careless with what they do not understand.
But this is not a call to pretend that difference is easy. It is an invitation to meet those moments with more choice, more self-possession, and more compassion—for yourself and for the people still learning how to see beyond their own experience.
For every creative who has felt like an outlier, this episode is a quiet reminder: you are not a problem to solve. You are a person with something real to bring into the room.
This is Maddox & Dwight! More than anything, we want to connect and communicate with you. We don't want to think of you as listeners. We want to think of you as community. So, scroll to the bottom of the show notes and click the SUBSCRIBE link. Thank you!
Thank you for listening to the For the Love of Creatives Podcast. If you are enjoying the podcast, please scroll to the bottom of the show notes and Rate & Review us. We would SO appreciate it.
Book a Discovery Call With Dwight
Become a SUBSCRIBER to Get Notified of New Episodes
Want to be a Featured Guest?
00:50 - Welcome And The Real Question
03:04 - A Conference Story And Being Judged
05:36 - Showing Up As An Ambassador
08:43 - Reframing The Spotlight As Power
10:18 - Cross The Threshold With Openness
12:37 - A Practical Role To Claim
14:21 - Reflecting Afterward To Build Ease
15:07 - Coaching Invite And Closing
1
00:00:01.100 --> 00:00:08.959
Dwight: Hello, and welcome to another edition of the For the Love of Creatives podcast. This is Community and Becoming For the Love of Creatives.
2
00:00:09.360 --> 00:00:18.929
Dwight: I'm Dwight, your host, and we're going to be on a special journey today, as I'd like to think that most of these conversations are. It's just going to be you and me.
3
00:00:19.520 --> 00:00:29.589
Dwight: And while I will try to keep things upbeat, we're going to cover some ground that's a little serious for some of us created souls.
4
00:00:30.210 --> 00:00:34.680
Dwight: Have you ever been the only one to enter a room that was like you?
5
00:00:34.880 --> 00:00:42.660
Dwight: Whether it's because you're a person of color, or you're queer, or you are neurodivergent.
6
00:00:42.960 --> 00:00:47.910
Dwight: Or, in some other way, you are different. Maybe you're differently abled.
7
00:00:48.860 --> 00:00:52.819
Dwight: And how'd you endure what it was like to be in that space?
8
00:00:53.090 --> 00:00:58.370
Dwight: In that condition where you were the only one, And stayed, anyway.
9
00:01:01.030 --> 00:01:02.209
Dwight: I know why.
10
00:01:02.710 --> 00:01:07.719
Dwight: And invariably, with all of the combinations of the ways that we can
11
00:01:08.550 --> 00:01:14.110
Dwight: Come together as people, and all the variety and human experience.
12
00:01:14.380 --> 00:01:20.020
Dwight: invariably, It's something that we'll all have to deal with.
13
00:01:21.870 --> 00:01:23.379
Dwight: Stay with me, and I'll…
14
00:01:24.440 --> 00:01:30.020
Dwight: Talk to you about a few ways that we can navigate it cleanly, and not have it be…
15
00:01:31.540 --> 00:01:38.940
Dwight: A traumatic event, but something that we can grow from, and something that allows us to show up in a way that
16
00:01:39.070 --> 00:01:40.299
Dwight: We can be proud of.
17
00:01:41.000 --> 00:01:43.969
Dwight: There are a lot of different things at play, and
18
00:01:44.440 --> 00:01:52.759
Dwight: I've had to think about ways that I've had to increase my awareness as I've been considering why art matters.
19
00:01:53.080 --> 00:01:58.840
Dwight: through a lot of my own study, and a lot of the things that I've been contemplating and…
20
00:01:59.380 --> 00:02:02.400
Dwight: I'd like to share some of those insights with you, and…
21
00:02:02.520 --> 00:02:07.410
Dwight: Hear a little bit back from… Your own experiences, and…
22
00:02:07.520 --> 00:02:10.229
Dwight: How you navigate some of these.
23
00:02:10.430 --> 00:02:12.130
Dwight: Trials at times.
24
00:02:15.150 --> 00:02:20.840
Dwight: I can recall what it was like to enter a huge conference.
25
00:02:21.890 --> 00:02:29.810
Dwight: And… it was… Not any more comfortable being on the side of
26
00:02:30.350 --> 00:02:33.420
Dwight: The, the host of the conference.
27
00:02:34.310 --> 00:02:40.290
Dwight: when I… I found myself frequently in rooms where I could…
28
00:02:40.870 --> 00:02:45.029
Dwight: pick up on the ways that I felt that maybe people were
29
00:02:45.800 --> 00:02:48.930
Dwight: Judging me, singling me out, because…
30
00:02:49.270 --> 00:02:51.720
Dwight: There were a lot of those spaces where
31
00:02:52.080 --> 00:03:00.650
Dwight: I was definitely an outlier. There… there were some strong cultural… God.
32
00:03:01.030 --> 00:03:06.589
Dwight: ways that people were otherwise connected that I was not a part of the club.
33
00:03:07.060 --> 00:03:16.410
Dwight: And so… And some of the ways that I would try to overcome those things was I would…
34
00:03:16.750 --> 00:03:18.899
Dwight: lay it up. I would… I would…
35
00:03:19.340 --> 00:03:26.299
Dwight: deploy some of the things that I'd seen in the… Real Estate Agent's Playbook.
36
00:03:26.800 --> 00:03:30.899
Dwight: And what I mean by that is, If you think about
37
00:03:31.180 --> 00:03:35.210
Dwight: How it is that people who are selling property
38
00:03:35.350 --> 00:03:44.540
Dwight: show up. They have a polished, professional image. They take things to another level. So, in those days, when I would
39
00:03:44.700 --> 00:03:48.920
Dwight: Have to be someone participating in the huge conference.
40
00:03:49.020 --> 00:03:57.209
Dwight: I would… take pains to make sure that if we didn't have a prescribed uniform, I would punch up
41
00:03:57.360 --> 00:04:04.260
Dwight: what it was I was wearing, so that visually, I was the most inviting, most appealing.
42
00:04:04.810 --> 00:04:15.450
Dwight: I think something between… Real estate agent and politician. Someone ready to be camera-ready, Smile, always on.
43
00:04:16.089 --> 00:04:21.239
Dwight: And sometimes having to smile through some experiences that were a little painful.
44
00:04:21.480 --> 00:04:26.400
Dwight: Because people can be… A little thoughtless.
45
00:04:26.570 --> 00:04:32.299
Dwight: I had to endure a few microaggressions of different kinds, but…
46
00:04:32.860 --> 00:04:38.380
Dwight: I will say this, having had multiple exposures, multiple experiences.
47
00:04:38.480 --> 00:04:42.069
Dwight: I learned to show up as more of an ambassador.
48
00:04:43.020 --> 00:04:48.840
Dwight: I learned to… Call people in, as opposed to call people out.
49
00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:54.679
Dwight: In ways that let them know that They can raise their awareness.
50
00:04:55.170 --> 00:04:59.140
Dwight: But not making them feel wrong, because…
51
00:04:59.520 --> 00:05:01.189
Dwight: I had no way of knowing.
52
00:05:01.590 --> 00:05:04.950
Dwight: What it was in their life that
53
00:05:05.230 --> 00:05:09.369
Dwight: Led them to think that it was okay to say things that would
54
00:05:09.970 --> 00:05:12.369
Dwight: Heighten how someone could feel other.
55
00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:17.949
Dwight: And we're all on this learning journey together.
56
00:05:18.600 --> 00:05:24.990
Dwight: And… I always like to try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
57
00:05:28.020 --> 00:05:31.430
Dwight: Here's the thing that we need to be mindful of.
58
00:05:32.010 --> 00:05:39.040
Dwight: When you are the only one that's in the room, It is also an opportunity.
59
00:05:40.800 --> 00:05:45.519
Dwight: It's a way that you can show up in a way that lets people know
60
00:05:45.810 --> 00:05:52.190
Dwight: That just because you don't look the same as everyone else, you've got the goods, you've got something to offer.
61
00:05:52.970 --> 00:05:57.740
Dwight: Long before anyone knows your title, Or…
62
00:05:58.160 --> 00:06:04.630
Dwight: Sees your portfolio, or is dazzled by some presentation, or your metrics.
63
00:06:05.170 --> 00:06:06.500
Dwight: They see you.
64
00:06:07.400 --> 00:06:11.689
Dwight: And in some ways, that can be something of a superpower.
65
00:06:12.410 --> 00:06:13.690
Dwight: Because you stand out.
66
00:06:15.730 --> 00:06:26.270
Dwight: In a seed of ducklings, you are the… Graceful swan that… stands above the rest.
67
00:06:27.790 --> 00:06:34.530
Dwight: And if it helps as a reframe, instead of… Doing that psychological safety scan.
68
00:06:35.890 --> 00:06:45.499
Dwight: Lean into the fact that you have a built-in way that you can show up in a way where people will be paying attention to you.
69
00:06:47.150 --> 00:06:54.389
Dwight: I hope that doesn't add pressure. The idea is… You have an opportunity.
70
00:06:55.060 --> 00:06:58.160
Dwight: to show people A better way.
71
00:06:58.440 --> 00:06:59.999
Dwight: To inhabit the space.
72
00:07:01.240 --> 00:07:03.710
Dwight: And they can't help but have their eyes on you.
73
00:07:04.130 --> 00:07:05.659
Dwight: So make the most of it.
74
00:07:09.420 --> 00:07:16.340
Dwight: Whenever we enter a room, We are always at a point where we can
75
00:07:16.730 --> 00:07:19.009
Dwight: Make a decision about how we show up.
76
00:07:19.820 --> 00:07:24.550
Dwight: And any person that enters a room is going to
77
00:07:24.790 --> 00:07:32.050
Dwight: have something of a… a little bit more of a spotlight on them, because it's a change. It's something that calls people's attention there.
78
00:07:33.060 --> 00:07:42.350
Dwight: And if immediately, Your involuntary psychological safety scan, looks around and…
79
00:07:42.540 --> 00:07:45.470
Dwight: And you don't see anyone that looks like you.
80
00:07:47.330 --> 00:07:52.710
Dwight: People are gonna pick up on that… that threat, and they're… they're gonna be a little bit bothered as well.
81
00:07:54.240 --> 00:08:05.230
Dwight: So, I invite you to do Yourself a favor, and… Make it a point, whenever You cross a threshold.
82
00:08:07.230 --> 00:08:10.299
Dwight: To invite the possibility of what could be on the other side.
83
00:08:11.310 --> 00:08:15.259
Dwight: Think of it as an opportunity, a new beginning, a way to show up.
84
00:08:16.440 --> 00:08:21.930
Dwight: It may be a… it may be an opportunity for you to remember to smile a little brighter.
85
00:08:22.700 --> 00:08:25.659
Dwight: To relax as you enter the space.
86
00:08:26.810 --> 00:08:30.690
Dwight: And take a moment to… Welcome.
87
00:08:31.380 --> 00:08:34.479
Dwight: Whatever it is that's there to meet you on the other side.
88
00:08:35.929 --> 00:08:40.889
Dwight: I know that that's… that can be a little bit easier said than done, but…
89
00:08:42.270 --> 00:08:48.059
Dwight: It's well worth the effort, and it's something that you can practice that's not really visible, it will make you look weird.
90
00:08:48.450 --> 00:08:51.160
Dwight: It's… it's working on your inner game.
91
00:08:51.320 --> 00:08:58.870
Dwight: And… It's the kind of reps that will Help you build confidence and…
92
00:08:59.270 --> 00:09:05.090
Dwight: Have a little bit more comfort whenever you're going into something that's… Unfamiliar.
93
00:09:08.150 --> 00:09:17.760
Dwight: In a lot of these talks, I like to leave you with some practical experiments that you can run whenever you're having to deal with
94
00:09:18.810 --> 00:09:20.450
Dwight: These kinds of challenges.
95
00:09:20.870 --> 00:09:28.119
Dwight: And as… Your own… as being the personal work of art that you are when you enter space.
96
00:09:30.460 --> 00:09:33.899
Dwight: Here's one that I… I want you to… to lean into.
97
00:09:35.180 --> 00:09:40.170
Dwight: Before you even go into a room where you suspect that you're going to be the only one.
98
00:09:41.450 --> 00:09:44.240
Dwight: Maybe you're the only person who is…
99
00:09:44.720 --> 00:09:50.850
Dwight: inclined to think about things in an artistic manner, or they view the…
100
00:09:51.790 --> 00:10:01.359
Dwight: the only person that's from your particular background. You're… You could be… Someone that is differently abled.
101
00:10:01.510 --> 00:10:07.520
Dwight: Maybe you have to use an assistive device to even move about in the room.
102
00:10:09.250 --> 00:10:11.100
Dwight: No matter. Don't worry about it.
103
00:10:12.910 --> 00:10:16.300
Dwight: I want you to… you borrow something from
104
00:10:16.600 --> 00:10:19.799
Dwight: the playbook that Maddox and I use.
105
00:10:20.350 --> 00:10:30.639
Dwight: Where, when we enter a space that's not our comfortable home turf, our territory, We assume a role.
106
00:10:32.390 --> 00:10:33.940
Dwight: Give yourself a job.
107
00:10:35.400 --> 00:10:40.679
Dwight: And… Make sure that you Oh, whatever that title is.
108
00:10:41.980 --> 00:10:44.509
Dwight: It could be that you're a host.
109
00:10:45.080 --> 00:10:47.370
Dwight: You are the chief question asker.
110
00:10:49.150 --> 00:10:50.889
Dwight: Whatever it is that you choose.
111
00:10:51.620 --> 00:10:54.380
Dwight: But on the hat, And own it.
112
00:10:56.730 --> 00:11:00.900
Dwight: And in that meeting, Make it a point
113
00:11:01.050 --> 00:11:03.940
Dwight: To do something that honors your role.
114
00:11:05.490 --> 00:11:07.790
Dwight: If you are the… the host.
115
00:11:08.420 --> 00:11:10.230
Dwight: Make it a point to greet.
116
00:11:10.500 --> 00:11:13.420
Dwight: Someone, as they enter the room.
117
00:11:14.410 --> 00:11:21.600
Dwight: It can just be one. It's just enough to give you that marginal Little boost of confidence.
118
00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:23.960
Dwight: If you want to go beyond that.
119
00:11:24.860 --> 00:11:26.469
Dwight: Lean into it. Go for it.
120
00:11:28.580 --> 00:11:37.509
Dwight: After the whole experience, once everything is adjourned and you're able to leave That place that's…
121
00:11:37.870 --> 00:11:40.429
Dwight: Putting your… your psyche under threat.
122
00:11:42.640 --> 00:11:43.780
Dwight: Reflect on it.
123
00:11:48.260 --> 00:11:54.660
Dwight: Take a moment to just… Collect your thoughts and write about… What actually happened?
124
00:11:55.710 --> 00:11:59.480
Dwight: What you felt, And what you learned from it.
125
00:12:02.370 --> 00:12:04.580
Dwight: Do this enough times, and…
126
00:12:04.820 --> 00:12:12.450
Dwight: It's going to make it so that whenever you are faced with entering a place where you… you are going to be the only one.
127
00:12:13.880 --> 00:12:17.990
Dwight: It will be… Less of a threat to your system.
128
00:12:18.910 --> 00:12:23.250
Dwight: It'll be something that, maybe in time, you'll actually look forward to.
129
00:12:24.540 --> 00:12:31.470
Dwight: It may be one of those places where, unlike what I've said in the past, where no one's really paying attention to you.
130
00:12:32.160 --> 00:12:37.700
Dwight: You can actually… Lean into having a little bit more of a spotlight, because
131
00:12:37.820 --> 00:12:41.950
Dwight: Everyone's going to be intrigued, because you're the person who's unique.
132
00:12:43.170 --> 00:12:44.760
Dwight: And it can be a good thing.
133
00:12:47.810 --> 00:12:55.939
Dwight: I've enjoyed spending a little bit of time with you, talking through what it is to be the unique piece of art that enters a space.
134
00:12:58.010 --> 00:13:03.080
Dwight: And… I would love to talk more, so, to that end.
135
00:13:03.250 --> 00:13:07.290
Dwight: There will be a link in the show notes if you'd like to reach out to me.
136
00:13:07.700 --> 00:13:13.210
Dwight: for coaching engagement, or for further conversation, or if I can work with a team.
137
00:13:15.560 --> 00:13:23.729
Dwight: I love helping people make it through those moments that are a little uncomfortable and turning them into opportunities.
138
00:13:23.910 --> 00:13:27.500
Dwight: Where they can all show up, they can all shine.
139
00:13:27.720 --> 00:13:29.840
Dwight: And we can all grow together.
140
00:13:31.060 --> 00:13:35.530
Dwight: I've enjoyed spending this time with you on Community and Becoming, our love of creatives.
141
00:13:35.690 --> 00:13:41.000
Dwight: And I look forward to Meeting you, and the next conversation.