#095: What If You Stopped Fixing Yourself and Started Finding What’s Already Working?

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Dwight: Welcome to another edition of Community and Becoming, For the Love of Creatives. I'm your host, Dwight, and today we're going to walk through a concept, that

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Dwight: Maybe getting a lot of buzz.

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Dwight: I know that over the last several years you would have had to have been hiding under a rock not to have heard about AI, AI this and AI that, AI everything.

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Dwight: Here's the deal. Long before AI got the current buzz, there was a different kind of AI that a lot of

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Dwight: Different philosophers and researchers and practitioners were talking about, and we'll get into that.

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Dwight: The thing is, both of them can work hand in hand, but…

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Dwight: I really want to focus on this other kind of AI.

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Dwight: And allow us to lean in to really appreciate it.

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Dwight: Now, as we talk.

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Dwight: I want you to appreciate that your creative growth doesn't always begin with identifying what's wrong.

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Dwight: This is one of the central premises of the AI I want to talk about.

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Dwight: Sometimes.

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Dwight: Growth begins by noticing the moments when you felt most alive, or connected, or capable.

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Dwight: And like yourself, and then designing more of your life around the conditions that made those moments possible.

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Dwight: This is going to speak to you.

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Dwight: in such a way that I want you to hear it and say, yes, I want more of that. I want to lean into this way of thinking, being, and showing up.

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Dwight: Then I do the things that make me feel more constrained, or driven by fear of judgment, or comparison, or exhaustion, or lack of supportive community.

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Dwight: You want to hear more about this AI?

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Dwight: Well, turn up your earbuds and lean in, because I'm gonna…

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Dwight: Get into it with you.

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Dwight: So, what if the question keeping you stuck isn't

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Dwight: What's wrong with me? But instead, it's more like…

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Dwight: When have I already… when have I already been more courageous?

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Dwight: Creative?

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Dwight: And connected than I give myself credit for.

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Dwight: Doesn't that sound like a better question?

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Dwight: Okay.

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Dwight: Now, I've been hinting at it for a while, so I'll let the cat out of the bag. The AI that we're gonna talk about is appreciative inquiry.

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Dwight: I know, it's a… It's…

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Dwight: A breath of fresh air, because I'm not talking about prompting anything other than asking yourself a better question.

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Dwight: or… Presenting a better question.

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Dwight: Than looking at something that's broken and trying to fix it.

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Dwight: That's the beauty of the way Appreciative Inquiry works.

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Dwight: Instead of just trying to fix something broken.

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Dwight: We want to lean into how we can.

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Dwight: Strive for excellence. Go to a brighter horizon.

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Dwight: Make something the best it could possibly be.

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Dwight: And all of those things that might be.

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Dwight: Problems or things that are broken?

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Dwight: Somehow work themselves out.

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Dwight: All right, so let's get into this.

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Dwight: You've probably seen the familiar pattern of

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Dwight: Trying to solve created doubt by.

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Dwight: Just criticizing yourself a little harder.

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Dwight: How's that worked?

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Dwight: It… it probably just makes you feel like you're working into a rut, and you… it's just… I can't imagine

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Dwight: The weight that that… that has.

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Dwight: on… Trying to produce anything, because…

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Dwight: You've got all that clutter, all of that negativity, and

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Dwight: That whole frame of seeing something as broken that needs to be fixed.

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Dwight: Another way that we call it out when.

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Dwight: when you're in those circles of people who study appreciative inquiry is by naming our negativity bias.

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Dwight: And negativity bias has its place. It's the thing that allowed our ancestors to survive and make it so that we could be here. So.

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Dwight: I send out my gratitude.

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Dwight: But here's the thing: we're not hiding from tigers on the savannah anymore.

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Dwight: There aren't any great predators that are out to get us, but our heart rates

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Dwight: Have, that, that quickened pulse the same way whenever we're trying to deal with a deadline.

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Dwight: There's a better way to be.

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Dwight: If instead of being in that situation where we're always trying to fix something.

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Dwight: How about we…

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Dwight: Give ourselves just enough distance to step away from that whole problem frame for just a moment.

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Dwight: And then put ourselves in a new space where we say.

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Dwight: Can I remember a time when I shared something before it felt ready and it opened a door?

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Dwight: How does that feel?

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Dwight: Hang with me, and… By the end, you're gonna have a question, or some… or a few questions.

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Dwight: That you can use to recover evidence of your own capacity. And I am sure it is vast and great and wonderful.

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Dwight: Now, I know that my skeptics out there are already getting their itchy fingers ready to skip because they think it's something that it's not. This is not toxic positivity.

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Dwight: It's not pretending the hard things aren't hard.

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Dwight: It's starting from a different place.

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Dwight: That's it.

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Dwight: It's…

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Dwight: a different perspective, and it's a tool that you can use to make it through any number of things. It's shown up in

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Dwight: A variety of industries, and a lot of spaces where

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Dwight: People that are in scientific industries and major corporations have Gone all in on… studying this.

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Dwight: Long before they started thinking about the generative artificial intelligence.

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Dwight: So stick around, and we'll talk through how you can use it in your own creative endeavors.

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Dwight: Now, here's the deal.

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Dwight: If we're in the business of fixing ourselves.

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Dwight: That can't feel very good. It's it's not comforting to think that you're broken.

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Dwight: I'll let you in on a little secret. You're not broken.

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Dwight: Just because you may have that twinge of

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Dwight: Fear that comes from showing your work and

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Dwight: And getting a little bit of rejection, or an opinion that May sting a little deep.

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Dwight: It just makes you human.

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Dwight: And just because you can't… make everything land exactly the same way. We're all works in progress. It's part of the learning process.

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Dwight: Inconsistency isn't something to be afraid of.

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Dwight: It shows that you're going up against your creative edge.

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Dwight: And… If you're thinking about your lack of visibility as showing that You don't have what it takes to…

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Dwight: Make it in your craft, well, hold on, we, we can't all.

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Dwight: Start out on top.

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Dwight: We have to put in the reps, we have to practice, we have to be okay with being bad before we have any hope of being good.

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Dwight: And the more you lean into those reps and get that practice in.

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Dwight: The better chance you're going to have of… being willing to…

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Dwight: Roll with whatever is thrown at you when you're given a big stage.

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Dwight: I'll share with you a little bit of what my own journey has been like.

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Dwight: There have been a lot of times when

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Dwight: I have put together something that I care deeply about. Some episodes of this very podcast.

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Dwight: And a lot of them haven't seen the light of day. There are…

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Dwight: A lot of great conversations that we've had with some prior guests that

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Dwight: Haven't gotten a lot of listens.

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Dwight: There's no rhyme or reason, it's just that when they were new, there were other things that were capturing people's attention.

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Dwight: And I've been pleasantly surprised at some of the things that I've posted in different places, some of my LinkedIn content, my.

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Dwight: newsletter that I have on LinkedIn that seemed to have gotten a great deal of attention, and it's a place where I've been able to find my voice and refine what it is that I'm working on, and

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Dwight: Sometimes I'm pleasant… pleasantly surprised with How some of the… Versions of this podcast that

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Dwight: are thrown up on YouTube.

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Dwight: seem to do incredibly well. The YouTube version is the least produced, least polished version. There's no packaging, it's just…

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Dwight: The raw video, and… I was moved to see that.

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Dwight: One of my solo episodes was one that seemed to get a spike in the views.

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Dwight: And here's the thing, I… I don't need a lot of… external validation.

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Dwight: The nature of this kind of work is one where it's lonely.

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Dwight: And the proof comes much later after the hard work is done and I've made my peace with that.

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Dwight: If I needed to have a bunch of likes and approval, or any kind of external validation, I would have given this up a long time ago.

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Dwight: What I find is that this allows me to Own my craft, to…

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Dwight: Get comfortable with what it is to.

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Dwight: Put myself in front of people, and just show up as the real me.

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Dwight: So, back to appreciative inquiry.

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Dwight: I want you to think of it as a way of creating change by studying life-giving moments.

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Dwight: strengths, relationships, And possibilities, rather than only beginning with a problem that you need to fix.

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Dwight: It's not that we ignore the struggle.

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Dwight: We ask a better question about it.

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Dwight: A question like, What if you moved through something like this before? And what was present in you?

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Dwight: Or around you.

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Dwight: Or between you and other people.

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Dwight: There have been times when,

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Dwight: I've had to deal with things that made me… And.

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Dwight: have to power through and draw from prior experiences. And these are my own opportunities to tap into.

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Dwight: Other times when I felt more alive, other times when I knew that I had hit something.

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Dwight: That resonated, that seemed to… make the people that I was working with come alive.

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Dwight: And it was when I would.

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Dwight: Take a moment of silence.

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Dwight: To go within.

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Dwight: And think back and remember, when

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Dwight: Was it that I was best able to show up?

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Dwight: When was I able to… Hold the room. Hold the attention.

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Dwight: Get the idea out.

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Dwight: And it just, it takes me a few.

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Dwight: seconds, but… I've learned to have the confidence to pause, To roll back those tapes.

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Dwight: Look at what it was that really landed in the moment.

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Dwight: And bring it forward.

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Dwight: And I'll share with you one of the things that I do when I'm making

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Dwight: these podcasts, or my short video content that I post on LinkedIn.

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Dwight: is I make it as much as possible not about me, but I try to imagine you.

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Dwight: I try to think about what's going to serve you as you listen.

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Dwight: I try to put myself in your shoes and think about what's going on in your world.

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Dwight: And that makes it so that it becomes less of a performance, and becomes more like a situation where I am in front of a trusted client.

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Dwight: Or a… a friend that I've known for a long time, or someone who I deeply care about.

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Dwight: Because ultimately, That's how…

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Dwight: I look at the people that are going to be on the receiving end of what it is that I'm saying.

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Dwight: You're another beautiful soul.

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Dwight: And you're someone that I care about.

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Dwight: So, for me, Finding a way of making it so that.

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Dwight: I'm serving.

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Dwight: Freely.

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Dwight: happily, openly.

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Dwight: and being grateful for the privilege of serving.

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Dwight: is how I can show up in a way that's fully me and authentic.

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Dwight: Your frame might be a little different.

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Dwight: It may be that you need to have.

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Dwight: A specific tune on to get yourself into the right mindset to do your best work.

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Dwight: Or it could be that maybe you.

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Dwight: pull up a… Treasured note from, someone that Appreciated something that you did.

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Dwight: And it's the fuel that you need to…

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Dwight: Approach the task in front of you.

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Dwight: Whatever it is that you draw from.

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Dwight: The whole point is to.

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Dwight: Put yourself in a place where you're not so focused on just whatever the short-term thing is, but having a broader view.

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Dwight: Thinking about what made you great before, and thinking about how much

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Dwight: More you can achieve far beyond whatever it is the current obstacle is.

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Dwight: I would like you to take a moment to pause and think about

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Dwight: Drawing your own totem, your own way of…

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Dwight: Being able to get into the right mind space.

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Dwight: to… Set yourself up.

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Dwight: To get into the… The right mode for… Executing your own appreciative inquiry.

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Dwight: Now, this could look like you… Going and grabbing a journal.

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Dwight: And I realized that you might be driving, so it…

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Dwight: I'm not going to ask you to close your eyes.

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Dwight: But I want you to just pause.

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Dwight: And you can journal, or you can just sit with it.

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Dwight: Don't want to be too directive, because I want you to do what works for you.

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Dwight: I want you to…

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Dwight: John Murcott, engage in this exercise. Think of a time in the last year when you felt most like yourself as a creative.

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Dwight: What were you doing?

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Dwight: Who is around you?

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Dwight: What were you contributing?

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Dwight: And what did that moment make possible?

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Dwight: Have you got that image in your mind? Can you… can you see that moment?

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Dwight: Can you hear it? Feel it?

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Dwight: Okay.

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Dwight: Okay.

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Dwight: Now, I want you to think through a few things.

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Dwight: If you're going through that exercise, and you could name a person.

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Dwight: Belonging may be a condition for your courage.

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Dwight: If, as you were going through it, you were reliving a specific project.

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Dwight: Meaning or autonomy may be essential for you.

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Dwight: If you were thinking about what it was like to share some unfinished work.

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Dwight: Experimentation may be one of your strengths.

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Dwight: If you couldn't think of anything.

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Dwight: Hold on.

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Dwight: Coming back to our theme.

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Dwight: You're not broken.

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Dwight: It's perfectly fine.

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Dwight: You need to do whatever it is you need to do to borrow evidence from someone who's seen you at your best.

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Dwight: I'm sure you won't have to look far, because

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Dwight: I know that there are people who are cheering you on.

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Dwight: Now, what we just went through is something that I would likely go through in a

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Dwight: a coaching session, be it one-on-one or with a group or in a workshop or something that we would visit in a keynote.

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Dwight: What's key there is…

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Dwight: I want to make sure that there's enough safety for you to feel like you can tell the truth.

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Dwight: And if not to a group, or even to me in the moment.

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Dwight: There's enough space there for you to tell the truth to yourself.

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Dwight: And you can look for the evidence beneath the story, beneath whatever it is that you've relived.

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Dwight: And turn that evidence into your next experiment.

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Dwight: I'm interested in giving you Just space to work, not a personality transplant.

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Dwight: I want you to recognize the conditions where your own voice gets clearer.

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Dwight: You feel braver.

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Dwight: And the thing that's at the core of your essence becomes more alive and available.

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Dwight: Now, if this series of questions opens something up for you.

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Dwight: I don't want you to let that answer stay private. I want you to allow your light to shine.

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Dwight: Share it with one other creative who helps you remember who you are.

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Dwight: Then come find us at For the Love of Creatives, where the goal is not to perform belonging.

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Dwight: It's to practice it.

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Dwight: It's to embody it, it's to make it real.

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Dwight: And if this conversation gave you language for something you've been carrying.

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Dwight: Subscribe.

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Dwight: Rate, review the show.

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Dwight: Your review helps another creative who's searching for a place to begin.

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Dwight: And we want this to be your creative home.

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Dwight: We have lots of other ways that you can interact, but I don't like to overwhelm you with any

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Dwight: Check out our page and find our SpeakPipe link.

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Dwight: We'll make an effort to put it in the show notes so that you can find it, and you can just leave us a voice message if that's your preferred way of reaching out to us.

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Dwight: I look at all the comments that are on all the different places, be it Spotify or Instagram or…

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Dwight: LinkedIn, what have you.

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Dwight: I've enjoyed spending a little bit of time with you, and I hope that you have

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Dwight: Enjoyed going with me on this journey of appreciative inquiry, and that you have taken some tools to access when you are at your best.

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Dwight: And I look forward to you joining me next time.

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Dwight: On Community and Becoming. For the love of creatives.