April 6, 2026

#069: Erica Allaby-Finding Your Creative Identity by Having the Courage to Go Within

What if creativity doesn’t begin with talent… but with the courage to look inward? In this conversation, Maddox and Dwight sit down with Erica Allaby, someone they’ve shared community with for years… yet realized they had never fully heard her creative story. What unfolds is a deeply human journey. Erica shares how she grew up with a quiet sense of being a lone wolf… connected to people, yet always searching for where she truly belonged. That search eventually brought her to Texas… a spontane...

What if creativity doesn’t begin with talent… but with the courage to look inward?

In this conversation, Maddox and Dwight sit down with Erica Allaby, someone they’ve shared community with for years… yet realized they had never fully heard her creative story.

What unfolds is a deeply human journey.

Erica shares how she grew up with a quiet sense of being a lone wolf… connected to people, yet always searching for where she truly belonged. That search eventually brought her to Texas… a spontaneous move that became the beginning of a life shaped by curiosity, storytelling, and exploration.

But like so many creatives, the recognition didn’t come quickly.

For years, Erica was living creatively without fully seeing herself that way.

Through travel, writing, yoga, and observing the world, something deeper began to surface… and ask for attention.

And that’s where things shifted.

Because creativity doesn’t just ask us to make something… it asks us to slow down.

To sit with ourselves long enough to hear our own voice. To face the discomfort of creating from within, instead of reaching outward.

Erica reflects on how solitude became a turning point… a space where her creative perspective began to change. Not just expression… but becoming.

And at the center of it all is vulnerability.

Not the polished kind… but the honest kind.
The kind that asks you to share what’s still forming.
To trust the process before the outcome exists.

This is a conversation about identity… belonging… and the quiet courage it takes to create from a place that’s real.

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re truly a creative…
or what it means to trust your own voice…

You may hear yourself in this one.

Erica's Profile
Erica's Website

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00:00 - Vulnerability As The Doorway

01:25 - Meet Erica Aliby

03:03 - Leaving New England Behind

06:23 - A Career Pivot Into Marketing

10:43 - Finding Your People In Texas

13:53 - Corporate Life And Creative Identity

17:13 - Travel, Inspiration, And Avoidance

21:03 - Old Journals And New Compassion

24:33 - Boredom And Being With Self

30:33 - Creativity As Expression And Flow

34:03 - Beginner’s Mind And Exploration

37:13 - Why Play Is Serious Work

39:53 - Building The Wild Child Workshop

42:53 - Yoga Training And Integration

46:23 - Positivity, Rebellion, And Reality

52:03 - Grief, Presence, And No Fixing

55:13 - Becoming Through Vulnerability

58:03 - Trust Over Control Going Forward

01:00:33 - Final Reflections And Goodbye

WEBVTT

00:00:34.789 --> 00:00:50.469
You need to be willing to be vulnerable and to show parts of yourself that might be unfinished or unpolished to the people that you, you know, are most trusting of in your life.

00:01:02.469 --> 00:01:04.310
Hello, hello, hello.

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It's Maddox and Dwight, the Community and Connections guys with For the Love of Creatives podcast.

00:01:12.390 --> 00:01:16.069
You know, some days I have a hard time spitting that out, and I don't know why.

00:01:16.950 --> 00:01:22.950
Um today our guest is the one and only Erica Aliby.

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Welcome, Erica.

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Thank you so much.

00:01:27.590 --> 00:01:31.429
You know, I we have a little bit of history with Erica.

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We met Erica probably maybe uh over a year ago, and oh, probably a year and a half ago, maybe, in Creative Mornings.

00:01:39.750 --> 00:01:53.109
And we have been in multiple social settings together since then, whether it's a Creative Mornings or something we've hosted, or um Erica's even been into our home for some social time at least once.

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Yeah.

00:01:54.149 --> 00:02:12.390
And so we we have a little bit of history, but I was as I was thinking about this episode this morning, I was thinking, you know, I I know her personality, I know her sense of humor, I know how she just bursts into laughter spontaneously.

00:02:12.629 --> 00:02:18.229
But I thought, you know, I really don't know very much about your creative journey.

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And so I've been really excited today to take, you know, take our relationship to the next level and learn a little bit more about, you know, what interests us all so much, which is that whole creative thing.

00:02:30.390 --> 00:02:39.829
So why don't you take the mic for a minute and tell our listeners um who you are and you know, a brief overview of who you are and what you're about in your own words.

00:02:40.229 --> 00:02:41.509
I'd love to.

00:02:41.829 --> 00:02:45.829
Um wow, where to begin.

00:02:46.789 --> 00:02:50.870
Uh well, I am actually a New England native.

00:02:51.030 --> 00:02:52.469
I grew up in Connecticut.

00:02:52.629 --> 00:03:00.389
Um, and I feel like from when I was a kid, I always just knew that I was never gonna stay there.

00:03:00.629 --> 00:03:09.669
Um, I've always had a really close relationship with my family and felt a ton of support from them in any direction that I wanted.

00:03:09.750 --> 00:03:14.949
But I just always kind of felt a little bit like, you know, this lone wolf in a way growing up.

00:03:15.270 --> 00:03:33.909
And uh, you know, even till now, the more I reflect on my tens of journals that I have filled out over the course of my life, I'm like, maybe I always have been a little bit more of a lone wolf than I than I've ever looked at myself in in that way.

00:03:34.229 --> 00:03:42.789
Um, especially with being so outgoing um and you know, trying to to push for connection anywhere that I go.

00:03:43.270 --> 00:03:50.229
So I always joke that I've been moving, um, moving progressively more south ever since.

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Um I went to school in North Carolina and I studied journalism there.

00:03:55.270 --> 00:04:06.069
So that was really um writing has been my you know core form of artistic expression, um, even if just for processing.

00:04:06.629 --> 00:04:17.270
Uh so I studied journalism and then after school, I ended up um, you know, was literally hit the pavement, was trying to get a job in a magazine.

00:04:17.509 --> 00:04:21.910
Um, and it was just it was cutthroat out there.

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And I ended up coming down to visit a friend in Dallas, and she had an extra bedroom.

00:04:27.990 --> 00:04:29.990
She was like, why don't you move to Texas?

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And I'm like, I don't know about Texas, uh, especially as a Yankee.

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So um I came down and everything just kind of felt like it was easy here, like from the jump.

00:04:48.470 --> 00:04:59.189
Um, and I ended up having a very casual conversation with uh, you know, with a guy who lived in the same apartment complex as my friend.

00:04:59.510 --> 00:05:04.390
And I told him that I was, you know, looking for jobs and studied journalism.

00:05:04.630 --> 00:05:08.790
And he pretty much said, Well, do you know how to do marketing?

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And I said, I can figure it out.

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And that was what ended up being my jump start um of my career into more content marketing, and ultimately, you know, his has built out from there.

00:05:27.910 --> 00:05:42.150
But um yeah, so it just feels like it's kind of been like this series of events ever since with my life in Texas that has been like a really beautiful evolution.

00:05:42.630 --> 00:05:45.430
So you said you got here and everything just seemed easy.

00:05:45.590 --> 00:05:51.110
Now, of course, you explained, you know, meeting the guy in the apartment complex, getting a job, but was it more than that?

00:05:51.270 --> 00:05:56.870
I mean, I'd love to just hear a little bit about what made it easy, what was easy and what made it that way.

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Because, you know, I've been a Texan all my life, so I don't know what it would be like to come from Connecticut, you know, being a Yankee in land where we all talk like this.

00:06:09.350 --> 00:06:10.310
Yeah, yeah.

00:06:11.830 --> 00:06:19.510
I know I quite I quite literally thought that I would come here and that there would be tumbleweed blowing down the street.

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And and everybody would have on cowboy boots and cowboys.

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I'm like, where are the horses?

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Um so I'll never forget it was like the second day that I was here visiting and still just kind of feeling things out.

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And we went to the grocery store, and I'm walking down the cereal aisle.

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And you know, there's so many cereals these days.

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So I'm looking, what cereal am I in the mood for?

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And someone standing next to me just started chit-chatting, like they were like, Oh, I tried this cereal, you know, last time it was really good.

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And I turned and I was like, Whoa, I can just like start having a real conversation with a stranger and they're not acting weird because usually I'm the one starting the conversation.

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And for me, I think maybe with you know New England, that was probably why I fell out of place for so many years.

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Cause I'm happy to talk to strangers.

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What kind of dust of your own medicine that this happened?

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Yeah, you've come home.

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How wonderful.

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Truly, and it seems so you know, like silly and simple, but I think sorry about my dog.

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Well, wait.

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We can't hear it.

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You can't, not now.

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She's coming closer.

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It's all right.

00:07:58.870 --> 00:07:59.189
Okay.

00:07:59.590 --> 00:08:02.390
Well, she's here with us.

00:08:02.630 --> 00:08:08.950
Um I enough.

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Enough.

00:08:09.910 --> 00:08:11.110
I'm so sorry.

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Can you hear her?

00:08:14.230 --> 00:08:15.189
We can't hear anything.

00:08:15.510 --> 00:08:17.350
Wow, I'm just gonna keep going then.

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Perfect.

00:08:18.790 --> 00:08:22.550
Uh just like just like me being chatty, she is too.

00:08:22.790 --> 00:08:35.429
Um yeah, it just it just genuinely felt like a place that suddenly I could like coexist, and it was very natural.

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You uh I mean, you know, the the way I tend to word that is, oh my god, I I found my people.

00:08:41.509 --> 00:08:43.429
Totally, totally.

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Like I I thought, you know, I was a Connecticut, or have you pronounced say that come to find out, you know, you're you're you're a Texan.

00:08:54.389 --> 00:08:59.909
You may not be uh what do they call it when you're when you were born here?

00:09:00.389 --> 00:09:01.750
Native, yeah, native.

00:09:01.829 --> 00:09:02.389
There, there we go.

00:09:02.549 --> 00:09:02.709
Thank you.

00:09:04.629 --> 00:09:06.149
You got here as fast as you could.

00:09:06.389 --> 00:09:10.069
I know, and that has like that has always resonated with me.

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All the stereotypes about Texas.

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I I'm like, I get it now.

00:09:17.029 --> 00:09:19.269
Yeah, well, yeah, it's funny you should say that.

00:09:19.350 --> 00:09:21.189
There are lots of stereotypes about Texas.

00:09:21.509 --> 00:09:31.350
Maddox and I enjoyed a movie uh a couple of years ago called Vengeance that hit on all the stereotypes, one of them being Dallas isn't really Texas.

00:09:31.509 --> 00:09:36.230
And I think another one that did a fairly good sampling was Bernie.

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Oh my gosh, Bernie, where they carve out all the different regions of the state and how they all have their own personality.

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Have you seen either of those?

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I haven't, but now they're immediately on my list.

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And now that I've been here for you know over a decade, I feel like it'll resonate even deeper.

00:09:57.110 --> 00:10:04.309
So yeah, there's there's definitely its own version of we we talk about Americana.

00:10:04.389 --> 00:10:13.110
Well, there are certain things that you just know are are Texas, like there's a certain aspect of culture that is Whataburger.

00:10:13.509 --> 00:10:18.870
And if you're not from Texas, it yeah, people have no idea.

00:10:19.350 --> 00:10:22.069
Yeah, totally that is true.

00:10:22.549 --> 00:10:41.829
So let's move into the creative part of the conversation, but I want to link it to what we're just talking about because suddenly finding your people, realizing that you're a Texan in heart, at heart, uh what role did that play in your creative life and your journey?

00:10:44.069 --> 00:10:55.029
I feel like, you know, it's such I've I've kind of been reflecting back on the period of life that is your 20s, right?

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And it's very complicated, it's very dynamic, it's um very scary.

00:11:04.230 --> 00:11:11.509
Um and you know, I've been transcribing old journals from different periods of my life too.

00:11:11.669 --> 00:11:22.389
So really um reliving those emotions firsthand has been um alarming to say the least.

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Um but I think that that was just like an interesting period of my life because I felt like I was really able to step out and start to just like experiment and play and put myself out there in a way that I had previously, you know, maybe um hold myself off and you know, would be doing the writing and doing the sharing and things like that, but not necessarily um looking at it beyond just something that I do as a processing tool.

00:12:05.829 --> 00:12:33.269
But honestly, I I don't think that I really, really, really started looking at myself as a creative um until like the last few years because I think that the way that corporate the corporate structure to me feel can feel very um restrictive and very limiting.

00:12:33.509 --> 00:13:03.669
And so I think it was an interesting phase of my life where yes, I was surrounded by these people that were giving me a lot of life in a lot of different ways, but I also was so young and worried in terms of like stepping outside of my comfort zone and in this corporate setting that just felt very cookie-cutter in a way.

00:13:04.149 --> 00:13:14.789
So I think that um the my beginning years in Texas was like definitely just like the they were the learning years.

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That's what I'm calling them now.

00:13:17.750 --> 00:13:19.429
And then apprenticeship.

00:13:19.669 --> 00:13:20.309
Yeah.

00:13:21.110 --> 00:13:31.750
That that surprises me in a way because of course I I've only known you for about a year and a half, but um you seem so well.

00:13:32.069 --> 00:13:54.949
I mean, I could say confident, I could say bold, and those are all good words, but I have a little necklace here with a ring that has a word stamped on it, and the word is audacity, and and you strike me as being very audacious, like not afraid to break the rules, not afraid to say whatever is on your mind, even if it ruffles feathers.

00:13:55.829 --> 00:14:15.750
You seem like a uh swim against the stream person, not doing things the hard way, swimming against the stream, but certainly not doing, you know, the the people that well, this is the way we do it, this is the way we've always done it, and this is the way we're gonna do it.

00:14:16.309 --> 00:14:18.629
You seem like the opposite of that to me.

00:14:18.870 --> 00:14:26.069
And I just I see you as somebody that kind of lives outside of your comfort zone.

00:14:26.709 --> 00:14:28.949
Uh, I really appreciate that.

00:14:29.189 --> 00:14:36.709
Um, and I definitely I feel comfortable outside of my comfort zone.

00:14:37.029 --> 00:14:48.629
Um and I think that I think for me during those learning years, so much of how I was expending my energy was through travel.

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And so I have, you know, prioritized travel for so much of my life.

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And it was so beautiful because I was collecting all of this information and seeing all of these different cultures and communities and places that were um, you know, filling the artists well.

00:15:08.789 --> 00:15:19.029
And I had so much inspiration and so much of a willingness to, you know, be out of my comfort zone.

00:15:19.829 --> 00:15:26.949
But I I think that for so long, because I was traveling like that, that was my excitement.

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And then I would come home and I would feel, you know, I would feel tired, or that that was my time to just kind of like recalibrate and then plan for the next thing.

00:15:37.509 --> 00:15:58.389
And so I think what's been really interesting for me as I've gotten older is recognizing that I really need to slow down in order to give my art the attention and time that it needs.

00:15:58.949 --> 00:16:07.110
And I've also felt I've learned that I just feel extremely uncomfortable when I'm bored, as we all do.

00:16:07.750 --> 00:16:19.429
Um, and so anytime I would feel bored, I would come up with some exciting plan, someone to meet up with, some trip to focus on.

00:16:20.069 --> 00:16:27.750
And that was all good and well and super necessary for, you know, my path.

00:16:28.230 --> 00:16:56.469
But all of a sudden I was like, whoa, are you running away from these projects that you know live within you, but you're, you know, to is there a fear that's there in terms of just sitting down and being okay with um, you know, like looking inward and seeing what I'm capable of just from my mind, not from my adventures?

00:16:57.669 --> 00:17:04.069
Well, you mentioned earlier going through the process of transcribing your journals.

00:17:05.509 --> 00:17:15.990
Are you what is it like having the distance, the perspective, more life than the person who is writing those?

00:17:18.549 --> 00:17:19.190
Yeah.

00:17:19.430 --> 00:17:40.070
Um oh my gosh, it's been I have it's been so crazy because I've had to try and harness this compassion inside of myself for like another version of who I am that I know still lives inside of me.

00:17:40.470 --> 00:18:37.029
Um, but it's it's hard because when I'm reading it, I'm like back in that time, you know, and so I can step away from it later and be able to try and look through those experiences through a different lens and to say, you know, like to bring that compassion in and say, okay, you were dealing with things exactly how you needed to deal with them at the time, and you were doing the best that you could, but you were still a kid, you know, and um finding that compassion, it can be really difficult because like all of a sudden you're feeling totally overwhelmed with these old emotions that like most people, you know, aren't capable of tapping into because they don't have this transcription of like their deepest, darkest thoughts.

00:18:37.750 --> 00:18:41.110
And so everything is just kind of a memory to them.

00:18:41.350 --> 00:18:53.350
Whereas this experience of reading my own words, it brings me back, like it's truly a portal to past versions of myself.

00:18:53.750 --> 00:18:55.509
It was like reliving it, wasn't it?

00:18:55.750 --> 00:19:01.830
Yeah, and it's like uh it's um it's a very jarring experience for sure.

00:19:02.150 --> 00:19:05.110
I I have two things I want to to speak to.

00:19:05.350 --> 00:19:11.110
One, uh, ask you if you would be interested in a simple reframe.

00:19:11.830 --> 00:19:19.990
You said something that caught my ear, and that is, you know, I'm reading this and and I'm realizing that that this is this is who part of who I am.

00:19:20.150 --> 00:19:21.750
It that's still in there.

00:19:22.470 --> 00:19:43.029
And the reframe that I want to suggest is yes, it will always be in there, but that doesn't mean uh it's who you are, it can be in there and it can be who you were, who you used to be, and that changes things, don't you think?

00:19:43.509 --> 00:19:44.950
Yeah, definitely.

00:19:45.190 --> 00:19:53.509
Um, and I I love the perspective, and I try, I totally try to come back to that.

00:19:53.750 --> 00:20:01.190
Um it's just like it's kind of like watching a movie, and you're like suddenly you're the character.

00:20:01.509 --> 00:20:02.550
Yes, yes.

00:20:02.790 --> 00:20:12.390
But there's also this element of you have an opportunity to with like insane clarity, see how far you've come.

00:20:12.630 --> 00:20:15.430
Yeah, yeah, and then celebrate that.

00:20:15.670 --> 00:20:22.470
Don't focus on where you were back then, focus on where you are now and how far you've come.

00:20:22.790 --> 00:20:23.430
Totally.

00:20:23.750 --> 00:20:28.630
The other thing I want to speak to is you talked about boredom, and I got a lot to say about that.

00:20:28.790 --> 00:20:34.790
I'm not gonna do a diatribe, but we all experience boredom in our lives.

00:20:35.910 --> 00:20:36.310
Hopefully.

00:20:36.950 --> 00:20:39.910
Most of us, most of us don't really know what it is.

00:20:40.470 --> 00:20:56.230
You know, I experienced it for many, many years, and probably somewhere in my 40s, I was in a relationship with somebody that actually kind of drove me crazy.

00:20:56.870 --> 00:21:00.070
I, you know, I look back and don't know why I was in that relationship.

00:21:00.310 --> 00:21:09.269
I was in a relationship with this person for three years, and he made me crazy about 80% of the time.

00:21:09.509 --> 00:21:15.910
We did not live together, thank God, you know, and I just I would need breaks from him, and I would just send him away.

00:21:16.070 --> 00:21:18.950
I would say, I need I need time for me.

00:21:19.190 --> 00:21:20.470
I just need some me time.

00:21:20.790 --> 00:21:24.550
And what was really going on was I just needed time away from him.

00:21:26.470 --> 00:21:39.269
But in those times when I would send him away and I would be by myself, it it forced me to be with me in a manner that I had never been with me.

00:21:40.150 --> 00:21:53.110
And when I started spending really quality time with me and got comfortable just being with me, boredom left my experience never to return.

00:21:54.070 --> 00:21:56.470
Like I don't ever experience boredom.

00:21:57.110 --> 00:21:57.590
Ever.

00:21:59.509 --> 00:22:15.910
And I think boredom is if we're gonna maybe this isn't true for a hundred percent of the population, but my guess would be if people were really willing to go and look, they would find that the energy behind boredom is a discomfort with being with self.

00:22:20.070 --> 00:22:23.430
And everything changes when we can suddenly be with self.

00:22:24.470 --> 00:22:27.830
When we can be with self, it makes it easier to be with others.

00:22:28.230 --> 00:22:28.550
Yeah.

00:22:28.790 --> 00:22:31.110
No, this is hitting deep.

00:22:33.190 --> 00:22:34.230
How does that land?

00:22:34.710 --> 00:22:41.509
I I it's really interesting because um I can see that.

00:22:41.750 --> 00:22:50.470
I've also always looked at myself as a very confident person, um, and very self-loving in a lot of ways.

00:22:50.790 --> 00:23:03.670
Um and so I think that that has that has always been a theme through my life, um, and being willing to, you know, do what I'm gonna do no matter what.

00:23:03.910 --> 00:23:09.430
Um, not wait a not wait around for anyone else, not needing to have that validation.

00:23:09.590 --> 00:23:28.950
But at the same time, I definitely was just surrounded by so much external energy for so long that I agree I never really gave myself like the time that I needed to be alone.

00:23:29.110 --> 00:23:43.830
And that val, it's just such valuable, valuable time to reflect and to just actually check in with yourself and know like what feels right to me, what is my heart telling me right now?

00:23:43.990 --> 00:23:51.430
And when you have all the noise and all of the distractions, it's so easy to latch on to these external forces, right?

00:23:51.509 --> 00:23:53.910
And have that be your guiding light.

00:23:54.390 --> 00:24:03.350
And the more and more that I've spent time alone, the more and more I am addicted to it.

00:24:03.990 --> 00:24:07.750
Um I love my I love my alone time.

00:24:08.310 --> 00:24:28.870
Um and yeah, I think it was, I think it was in my alone time that that was truly when I started to, you know, think about things totally differently from at least a creative standpoint and um, you know, an authenticity standpoint as well.

00:24:29.269 --> 00:24:32.150
It's all it's all interwoven together.

00:24:32.390 --> 00:24:44.550
You know, there there is a distinction between healthy solitude, which is spending time with you, and unhealthy isolation, which is just friggin' being alone.

00:24:44.710 --> 00:24:45.029
Of course.

00:24:45.269 --> 00:24:46.230
There's a big difference.

00:24:46.390 --> 00:24:49.269
And we get to choose which one we want it to be.

00:24:50.070 --> 00:24:53.430
I love that you tied this into your creativity.

00:24:53.590 --> 00:25:02.310
This this ability to be with you and be comfortable enhanced your ability to do your creative endeavors.

00:25:02.550 --> 00:25:14.550
I I know for me when I'm painting, that is like maybe the ultimate in time with me.

00:25:15.670 --> 00:25:23.910
Because all of the worries and all the cares go away, all of the to-do's lists and calendars and everything goes away.

00:25:24.230 --> 00:25:27.509
And it's just me in the paint.

00:25:28.950 --> 00:25:33.590
And and it's it has a depth to I've never really thought of it quite like that.

00:25:35.269 --> 00:25:42.310
That I always think, you know, it's so it's like meditation when I'm painting, because it's you're just in the moment.

00:25:42.630 --> 00:25:59.590
But I don't think I ever thought until right now about how, and and I would love to know your take on this, how it is completely perhaps one of the deepest elements of relationship with self is when you're creating.

00:26:01.350 --> 00:26:01.990
Yeah.

00:26:02.790 --> 00:26:03.750
I agree.

00:26:04.070 --> 00:26:11.430
Um and it doesn't matter whether you're dancing, you're singing, or writing, it doesn't matter what the creativity is.

00:26:12.950 --> 00:26:15.750
It's about doing something that makes your heart sing.

00:26:17.190 --> 00:26:25.670
I think that expression is the most important thing, the most important experience as humans.

00:26:26.150 --> 00:26:57.830
And what, you know, in in whatever regard that that expression comes, whether it's using your voice to communicate effectively or create, you know, create something that is is coming from who knows where, the creative force, um, or fashion and choosing to wear something splashy and not being afraid of how that's going to be perceived because you're allowing that to be, you know, this extension of who you are.

00:26:58.310 --> 00:27:07.190
To me, expression is the most valuable space that we can allow ourselves to be in.

00:27:07.430 --> 00:27:30.310
And, you know, of course, there's group opportunities for expression, but I think that there's also a certain strength and a certain, maybe even like I've been thinking a lot about um the ego and like a shrinking of the ego in a way when you're in the flow state, because you're just allowing it to happen.

00:27:30.550 --> 00:27:31.509
You know what I mean?

00:27:31.670 --> 00:27:52.950
Like there's yes, you can step back and you can be in more of that like critical mindset, but in so many ways to me, when you're just allowing something to happen organically, you learn so much more because you're taking your you're taking your thoughts out of the equation and just doing.

00:27:53.670 --> 00:28:00.230
Well, and and what you just said about expression connected a dot for me, some dots that I hadn't connected before.

00:28:00.470 --> 00:28:06.070
You know, I always we we have a lot of conversation about being seen and being heard.

00:28:06.150 --> 00:28:12.870
And that's what this podcast, we launched this podcast to give a platform to creatives so they could be seen and heard.

00:28:13.670 --> 00:28:24.790
And I just realized that the means of that being seen and heard is the result of the expression that you're talking about.

00:28:24.950 --> 00:28:31.910
I just put those two together in a manner that hadn't they hadn't been married before, and they're now they they're happily married.

00:28:31.990 --> 00:28:33.350
You may kiss the bride.

00:28:33.590 --> 00:28:35.269
That's amazing.

00:28:37.509 --> 00:28:41.029
Yeah, I've I've been thinking a lot about expression.

00:28:41.269 --> 00:28:50.550
Um and just like the act of it, you know, it doesn't matter what you're creating to me, it doesn't matter what it looks like.

00:28:50.790 --> 00:29:04.710
Um, but if you're being bold enough to express yourself, no matter what the results look like, there's just so much richness that can come from that.

00:29:05.350 --> 00:29:05.990
That's right.

00:29:06.150 --> 00:29:24.710
And as long as you're willing to be bold and allow uh allow your own unique take on things to take shape, you know, uh there's there's a point at which we all experiment and try something for the first time.

00:29:25.750 --> 00:29:36.310
And sometimes we have the misfortune of having it be too early, or sometimes we have the misfortune of having it be an underdeveloped skill.

00:29:36.630 --> 00:29:53.670
But the only way that we can master something is to be okay with being bad at it first and not caring about what we might get from the hecklers in the peanut gallery as we go on that journey.

00:29:53.990 --> 00:29:54.630
Totally.

00:29:54.790 --> 00:29:58.390
Have you guys uh heard of the concept of beginner's mind?

00:29:59.269 --> 00:29:59.910
Yes.

00:30:00.630 --> 00:30:07.110
Beginner's mind is kind of like how I try to operate my life.

00:30:07.430 --> 00:30:32.310
And once I kind of was able to pinpoint that as a concept, it's like you allow so much more freedom because beginner's mind is just operating from a place of childlike wonder and play, and not doing it to uh to be an expert at anything.

00:30:32.390 --> 00:30:34.470
It's just doing it to try.

00:30:34.790 --> 00:30:44.790
And that has relieved so much pressure from any act of creating any, you know, from trying anything.

00:30:44.870 --> 00:30:48.710
I'm just so much more willing because the pressure has floated away.

00:30:48.870 --> 00:30:49.509
Who cares?

00:30:49.670 --> 00:30:51.830
Who cares what comes of this?

00:30:52.710 --> 00:30:57.990
So I'm I'm going to to uh date myself for the audience.

00:30:58.150 --> 00:31:00.230
Actually, no, it it predates me.

00:31:00.550 --> 00:31:12.230
But I think that you you really resonate with living your life in a way that is modeled by the character Auntie Main.

00:31:13.110 --> 00:31:31.750
And it doesn't matter if we're talking about the the one cast by cast as uh um Lucille Ball or Rosalind Russell or any of the the fabulous uh stage um adaptations that that you can see.

00:31:32.470 --> 00:31:42.550
Um she uh she's famous for having a line of uh saying that it's important for you to live, live, live.

00:31:43.269 --> 00:31:49.670
And she was not afraid to try things that were outrageous and do things way outside her comfort zone.

00:31:51.029 --> 00:31:51.430
Thank you.

00:31:51.590 --> 00:31:53.190
I take that as a huge compliment.

00:31:53.750 --> 00:32:17.750
You know, I'm I'm familiar with the beginner's mind concept, but thank you so much for you know reminding me of it because I have for weeks on end now, instead of you know, painting like trying to make art, I I sit at my station and I just explore and experiment.

00:32:18.550 --> 00:32:21.750
You know, and it's kind of like I'm not creating anything.

00:32:21.910 --> 00:32:42.870
Like yesterday, I took all these different pieces of paper with different mediums and stuff on them to say, well, wonder what happens when I collage this, and what happens if I spray it and it's wet first, or I collage it dry, or and I was just experimenting with all these different things, and I've and I realize I've been doing a lot of this for weeks on end now.

00:32:43.110 --> 00:32:53.910
So there's not any production of anything to really see or show anybody, and I've been feeling like I'm stuck and I'm not creating art.

00:32:54.550 --> 00:33:06.630
And in that moment, you know, when I I kind of thought about the beginner's mind, I realized I've just been sitting at the table playing, and there's no real creation involved.

00:33:06.790 --> 00:33:09.269
It's it's not creation, it's exploration.

00:33:09.509 --> 00:33:10.150
Yeah.

00:33:10.950 --> 00:33:18.150
And just that there's a there's a shift in energy and just realizing that it has its place.

00:33:18.630 --> 00:33:21.110
You know, it's like playing in the finger paints.

00:33:21.190 --> 00:33:28.230
I'm just seeing, I'm asking the question every day, many times a day, wonder what would happen if.

00:33:29.110 --> 00:33:32.630
And then, you know, I'll Google, I'll say, what I what will happen if I do this?

00:33:32.710 --> 00:33:35.830
And it'll say, What will happen, and then I'll go do it to see.

00:33:43.430 --> 00:34:14.230
Yeah, I I think with the the concept of exploration and the concept of play to me and like your inner child and allowing allowing just that expression has kind of all come to the forefront over the last few years and you know, trying to look back at kind of what I've the groundwork that I've been laying and how these things can come together.

00:34:14.550 --> 00:34:20.070
And in so many ways, you know, when you're younger, you just can't see how the pieces come together.

00:34:20.230 --> 00:34:39.029
And then suddenly I just kind of had this, you know, brain blast moment where I'm like, all that I really care about through my, you know, through my writing is pushing people to allow themselves to play.

00:34:39.349 --> 00:35:05.349
And I feel like such a huge source of our pain is coming from the fact that we're all trying to pretend to be grown-ups and not allowing ourselves just that that same freedom, that beginner's mind mentality of when you're a kid, and you're not putting such a heavy weight on yourself to perform.

00:35:05.829 --> 00:35:06.629
It's funny.

00:35:06.710 --> 00:35:12.309
Uh, Jace Jarvis has said that play is the most serious work we can do.

00:35:13.190 --> 00:35:13.829
Yeah.

00:35:14.710 --> 00:35:15.909
Yeah, that's the other thing.

00:35:16.069 --> 00:35:22.469
I've got a bracelet on my arm with a little, and it's stamped with the word play, and it has stars on either side.

00:35:22.869 --> 00:35:25.429
Oh my goodness, we're hitting everything.

00:35:27.589 --> 00:35:37.750
No, uh, it's just I I this is two things that we've now talked about that have kind of opened me up.

00:35:37.829 --> 00:35:40.869
I'm I'm feeling like I'm walking away with a gift today.

00:35:41.029 --> 00:35:41.909
Oh my gosh.

00:35:42.069 --> 00:35:46.549
Um, tell us about the wild child workshop.

00:35:47.429 --> 00:35:56.469
Yeah, so that's essentially the cultivation kind of and continued evolution of this line, this exact line of thinking.

00:35:56.789 --> 00:36:07.349
Um so I'll never forget I came up with the with the name, you know, before even the concept had fully come together.

00:36:07.509 --> 00:36:11.190
But I was just like, this is exactly me.

00:36:11.349 --> 00:36:17.589
Like the essence of life is playing in the is playing in the workshop and seeing what comes from it.

00:36:17.829 --> 00:36:26.469
And even as a kid, you know, my dad's workshop, like there's no uh there's no better smell to me than the smell of my dad's workshop.

00:36:26.629 --> 00:36:30.549
Like just it's like kind of musty, the like wood cuttings, all of that.

00:36:30.789 --> 00:36:39.190
And it just like represents this opportunity to just like see what pieces you can put together and what you can build.

00:36:39.429 --> 00:36:51.349
And so um that was it, it made perfect sense for me to name to give that name to my substock, the wild child workshop.

00:36:51.429 --> 00:36:58.069
And that's where I do a lot of my writing and exploring, you know, just different tools for human flourishing.

00:36:58.149 --> 00:37:18.710
And it can be anything from you know, meditation and mindfulness, which has been such an asset in my life, um, to creative expression, uh, to spending time with other people and like the importance of that, you know, people inspiring you can fill your own well.

00:37:19.109 --> 00:37:29.909
Uh, and so I think that that's how it ties in with my writing, but even more recently, I have recognized that there was an opportunity for growth there.

00:37:30.069 --> 00:37:37.909
Um, and I'm starting to host actual, you know, creativity workshops as well.

00:37:38.069 --> 00:37:44.629
And, you know, facilitating the opportunity to, you know, bring together people.

00:37:44.949 --> 00:37:47.829
We obviously all have the same mission here.

00:37:47.989 --> 00:38:01.190
We all align this way, but you know, creating this sense of human connection, connection to yourself, allowing yourself to play and to learn and to just grow.

00:38:01.750 --> 00:38:25.109
Um and I've recognized all of you know, all of a sudden, all those pieces that I've been practicing and playing with in my own life are all perfect ways for other people to have the opportunity to experience um creativity through a lens in which they maybe had never looked at it through before.

00:38:25.429 --> 00:38:33.190
Um and I also just got yoga, uh yoga teacher certified in December.

00:38:33.589 --> 00:38:44.149
And I think that like that has only further latched on to this idea of workshops because I think movement is so critically important as well.

00:38:44.230 --> 00:38:56.789
And so it's tying, you know, gives me this ability to tie together movement and mindfulness and creativity into one space, which I think that they all belong in the same space.

00:38:57.029 --> 00:39:14.710
And before it felt so fragmented, and suddenly I recognize through the Wild Child workshop the opportunities that I feel like lie before me in a way that I just I wasn't able to see the full picture before.

00:39:14.789 --> 00:39:20.869
So it's been a really liberating and beautiful unfolding.

00:39:21.269 --> 00:39:21.509
Yeah.

00:39:21.670 --> 00:39:50.389
So if I play that back, the the work that you've done with the inner exploration and with your writing and the wild child workshop and what you've gone through with the yoga teacher training and the the certification has brought you closer to alignment, more of that authenticity through truly allowing to unfold what was there, but maybe not as accessible before.

00:39:50.710 --> 00:39:51.670
Yeah, definitely.

00:39:51.829 --> 00:39:59.589
It opened up, um, it feels like it opened up this door that I just didn't even realize was there.

00:39:59.829 --> 00:40:02.230
And suddenly it's so obvious.

00:40:02.469 --> 00:40:08.309
Uh, but you know, you're not ready, you're not ready to open the door until you're ready to open it.

00:40:08.629 --> 00:40:10.230
Until you're ready to open the door, that's right.

00:40:10.309 --> 00:40:12.469
And Dwight, you took the word right out of my mouth.

00:40:12.949 --> 00:40:21.989
I was gonna say, when I saw your email address, and you know the the Wild Child workshop.

00:40:22.149 --> 00:40:26.949
I my first thought was, oh my god, that's so in alignment with who she is.

00:40:27.589 --> 00:40:30.469
Like it just fit you like a glove.

00:40:31.109 --> 00:40:34.149
Yeah, it definitely feels right.

00:40:35.269 --> 00:40:42.469
You have a little rebel in you, and I think that's gives you an edge, a really good edge.

00:40:42.789 --> 00:40:43.429
Thank you.

00:40:43.829 --> 00:40:48.309
Not a bad rebel, not you know, not not a I I take it as I take it as a compliment.

00:40:48.469 --> 00:40:58.469
Trust me, I have a lot of plights with what's going on around here, and I recognize that adding anger and hostility is not gonna be the solution.

00:40:58.710 --> 00:41:05.349
So it's weird when you can feel rebellious by being positive and loving.

00:41:05.670 --> 00:41:11.589
And I think that um that's been like such a beautiful realization.

00:41:12.149 --> 00:41:14.149
It's more of that auntie mame energy.

00:41:14.389 --> 00:41:14.710
Yes.

00:41:14.949 --> 00:41:19.589
When you think about the word rebel, it really is about swinging against the stream.

00:41:19.829 --> 00:41:23.109
You're doing something different than what the masses are doing.

00:41:23.269 --> 00:41:26.869
And right now, the masses are all being hateful on social media.

00:41:27.349 --> 00:41:28.710
Oh, hate comes easy.

00:41:28.789 --> 00:41:40.309
You know, it's one of the things that you you can do to weaponize the negativity bias, which is you know the reason for the survival of our species, is always be a troll.

00:41:40.469 --> 00:41:50.149
Always come down as a naysayer, because even if things turn out turn out great, people will remember you were right if things weren't so good.

00:41:50.710 --> 00:41:55.109
And if things turn out rosy, you've lost nothing.

00:41:55.509 --> 00:41:56.869
So it's an easy way out.

00:41:57.349 --> 00:42:20.469
I feel like uh I had I feel like there is this connotation around being positive that um people often jump to the jump to the assumption that you're naive and uh you know you're not educated on everything bad going on in the world.

00:42:20.629 --> 00:42:23.190
How could you possibly be positive right now?

00:42:23.429 --> 00:42:24.869
You must be dumb.

00:42:25.429 --> 00:42:51.109
And I think for a really long time, subconsciously, maybe I was afraid to allow that the that full light and that to lean into that positivity and love in that regard, because I was worried that I would come across as naive, you know, rose-colored glasses.

00:42:51.509 --> 00:42:55.190
And then suddenly I realized that that's the secret to life.

00:42:55.349 --> 00:43:00.389
And if some if someone wants to look at me as naive, then that's fine.

00:43:00.549 --> 00:43:03.109
But you're missing out on the glow, baby.

00:43:03.429 --> 00:43:05.509
Yes, you're then you're in good company.

00:43:05.670 --> 00:43:16.149
So as you say that, I reflect on a quote that uh the um from Reverend Theodore Parker that uh Martin Luther King shortened.

00:43:16.309 --> 00:43:27.029
We all remember it as the um, oh my gosh, the arc of of human history is long, but it bends toward justice.

00:43:28.949 --> 00:43:40.309
And that's that's all about keeping your eye on the horizon and and knowing that uh I I can't remember which film I I saw this in, but it's kind of an another callback to it.

00:43:40.549 --> 00:43:42.389
It's always going to be okay in the end.

00:43:42.549 --> 00:43:45.109
And if it's not okay, it's not the end.

00:43:46.309 --> 00:43:51.349
You know, I I think too, yeah, I've heard it called uh toxic positivity.

00:43:51.670 --> 00:44:07.269
And I think that there's a real distinction there in that it it's it is a candy coating of everything because we're people do that because they're so uncomfortable with things in the world that aren't um good perceived as good.

00:44:07.909 --> 00:44:17.269
And so they candy coat everything to comfort themselves and make themselves feel better when things don't always look the way they want to look.

00:44:17.349 --> 00:44:20.389
And you don't, that's not you, even a little bit.

00:44:21.509 --> 00:44:22.069
Thank you.

00:44:22.710 --> 00:44:23.670
Well, and and to be fair.

00:44:24.389 --> 00:44:29.589
I I think that we should call out toxic positivity for what it is.

00:44:29.750 --> 00:44:38.710
Having been a a victim of said toxic positivity, there was a time when I was going through a really dark period in grief.

00:44:39.349 --> 00:44:43.909
And grief is a funny thing because people don't know what to do.

00:44:44.469 --> 00:45:03.109
And sometimes the best that they they have is to uh try to lift your mood by showing up in a way that is uh as positive as they they would hope to influence you to be when really what you might need is for someone to just sit in it with you for a while.

00:45:03.989 --> 00:45:04.789
Totally.

00:45:05.109 --> 00:45:30.869
And I think it's you know that's an interesting thing to think about also as you know, someone who can be really empathetic as well, because I think that in the past, maybe it it can feel easier to jump into positivity when you're feeling negative energy around you because it's clinging to you, right?

00:45:31.109 --> 00:45:49.509
So in some ways, I would say, you know, as I was growing up, it would be my jump to positivity because I was feeling so weighed down by you know, whatever the people around me, if people were hurting, I didn't want them to be hurting, but I was also hurting.

00:45:50.149 --> 00:46:09.029
And so, you know, I think that it's it's probably natural for for some people to jump into that mindset, but then you know, in time I've recognized that one it's not about you, right?

00:46:09.349 --> 00:46:43.269
And so, yes, if I'm feeling this sort of sort of energy right now that I can't handle or this is too this is too heavy for me, one to be able to recognize, hey, how much can I give right now that is like healthy for me and healthy for this person, but also being able to remove myself from that equation has allowed me to feel okay with just being with someone and knowing that it's not about what I'm saying to them, it's just about that love.

00:46:43.670 --> 00:46:48.469
And I think that that realization actually came for me through grief as well.

00:46:48.629 --> 00:46:53.750
Um, one of my best friends um passed from breast cancer a few years ago.

00:46:54.069 --> 00:46:57.989
And I had never experienced that sort of loss before.

00:46:58.309 --> 00:47:16.869
And I learned so much through that experience, and I feel like I was able to relate to people on a different level because I I it had never been something personal to me.

00:47:17.029 --> 00:47:43.269
And then I experienced grief through my own lens and my own journey and recognized that everyone else was going through that experience the way that they needed to, and all that I needed was someone that was there to say, I love you, and I'm so sorry this happened, but like I'm here and you know, to maybe make a joke.

00:47:43.589 --> 00:48:04.949
I love when people feel comfortable enough to make a joke or to, you know, be a little to throw something self-deprecating in there, be honest, because you know, people people just feel like they need to uh fix you, can yeah, can in and help help can feel in control, you know.

00:48:05.429 --> 00:48:13.109
Yeah, I was a fixer for a very long time, so I I know what it looks smelling like probably same.

00:48:15.349 --> 00:48:33.989
Well, I'm I'm sorry that you walked through that and I um but I I also am glad that it sounds like that you had the growth that came from moving through that experience.

00:48:34.389 --> 00:48:34.949
Thank you.

00:48:35.109 --> 00:48:45.269
Yeah, I mean, obviously, obviously, loss is you know so complex and devastating.

00:48:45.670 --> 00:48:53.589
Um and I think maybe this brings it back to the you know positivity and loving angle.

00:48:53.829 --> 00:49:10.389
For me, I think that I just was able to look at the experience through the lens of being able to relate and have compassion for people going through an experience like that on such a deeper level.

00:49:10.549 --> 00:49:15.029
And for that, like I am so shout out Abigail.

00:49:15.429 --> 00:49:23.349
She has made me so much more in touch with you know, like with the darker sides of myself as well.

00:49:23.509 --> 00:49:34.710
So it's just this whole balancing act, um, but also looking at even the worst experiences through the lens of of growth.

00:49:35.349 --> 00:49:35.989
Yeah.

00:49:36.469 --> 00:49:37.750
Yep, yep, yep.

00:49:38.469 --> 00:49:45.269
So in our remaining time, remaining time, I want to take us into the conversation about becoming.

00:49:46.789 --> 00:50:08.069
And you have set the stage for this because you talked about transcribing your young, youthful journals and really, really getting to walk down memory lane real time and see where you were then and be able to look at how far you've come and where you are now.

00:50:08.309 --> 00:50:25.349
So, my my question is from that vantage point, which is just a perfect setup, to go from that young girl who wrote those journals to the woman that you are today, who did you have to become?

00:50:26.230 --> 00:50:30.149
Those things that you had to adopt in here, not who did what did you have to do?

00:50:30.230 --> 00:50:38.789
It's all about what had to change in either your mind, your heart, your body, both, D, all of the above.

00:50:41.190 --> 00:50:43.190
Oh, so many things.

00:50:43.750 --> 00:50:48.069
I mean, sometimes it can be about releasing something, sometimes it can be about embracing something.

00:50:48.230 --> 00:50:50.949
Yeah, and then I'll shut up and let you go.

00:50:51.190 --> 00:50:51.829
Yeah.

00:50:52.230 --> 00:50:59.190
Uh so I am the victim of eldest daughter syndrome.

00:51:01.509 --> 00:51:08.869
And I always felt like I needed to be the strong one.

00:51:09.670 --> 00:51:24.389
And, you know, in that it was also figuring things out in my own mind before I felt comfortable even speaking about anything, feeling confident in what I was saying out loud, knowing that like this is my decision.

00:51:24.710 --> 00:51:48.629
And I think that a huge part of becoming was also recognizing that you need to be willing to be vulnerable and to show parts of yourself that might be unfinished or unpolished to the people that you, you know, are most trusting of in your life.

00:51:48.949 --> 00:52:08.149
And maybe sometimes, you know, for me, that showed certain people that maybe weren't meant to be in my life because I was recognizing bonds with other people that made me walk away feeling so seen and just like loved and respected.

00:52:08.389 --> 00:52:16.230
And other people, I was recognizing that actually I'm trying to put myself out there and there's not a willingness to receive.

00:52:16.469 --> 00:52:26.949
And maybe I was always the strong one, and I was always the one that was there to, you know, support them, and that support had been missing.

00:52:27.190 --> 00:52:49.989
And so I think that taking the conscious step to allow myself to be more open um with the people around me and seeing what happens and being willing to also face the times that maybe, you know, it wasn't exactly as I hoped, but it showed me true character along the way.

00:52:50.149 --> 00:52:54.149
And I had to grow from that um was huge.

00:52:54.389 --> 00:53:01.190
And I mean, you said coming from inside, and of course that is, but I have to shout out my husband.

00:53:01.429 --> 00:53:17.829
Um, he has been just like a transformational person that has entered my life that has just allowed me to feel like I can be anything, I can be whoever.

00:53:18.149 --> 00:53:33.029
And no matter what version of myself that comes forward, that that is going to be received with love, um, has just been the greatest gift of my life.

00:53:33.750 --> 00:53:36.710
You know, as you say those words, I'm an empath.

00:53:36.869 --> 00:53:37.909
I can feel that.

00:53:38.069 --> 00:53:42.069
I can feel the emotion coursing through you right now.

00:53:42.949 --> 00:53:45.989
I mean, I can I can see it, I can smell it, I can taste it.

00:53:46.230 --> 00:53:46.869
Wow.

00:53:47.269 --> 00:53:51.029
I gotta tell you, your answer, right?

00:53:51.589 --> 00:53:55.909
You you have just won the answer of the year award.

00:53:56.710 --> 00:54:01.589
You know, I I want our listeners to know she did not know I was going to ask her this question.

00:54:01.750 --> 00:54:03.509
This was not a curated answer.

00:54:03.670 --> 00:54:08.469
She pulled that right out of her hat or wherever we pull things out of.

00:54:09.750 --> 00:54:13.269
And and that answer was just wow.

00:54:14.230 --> 00:54:20.949
Like, I okay, if you're listening right now, punch the re the the the back button.

00:54:21.349 --> 00:54:23.190
I think it'll take you back 30 seconds.

00:54:24.469 --> 00:54:27.829
But yes, and listen to that again because that was gold.

00:54:28.549 --> 00:54:29.269
Thank you.

00:54:30.469 --> 00:54:31.589
That was gold.

00:54:32.230 --> 00:54:35.909
So now we're gonna move into the future and then we're gonna wrap.

00:54:36.149 --> 00:54:36.710